Just Happy

I feel like I am so behind in blogging. With playgroup here, then Christine and Ronan in town for a fantastic visit, then off to Scranton and then Stroudsburg, then downtown today and a golf outing tomorrow, its been a WHIRLWIND of a week.

It hit me that yesterday Jules was 13 mos and 6 days old. That is the exact age that Luke was when Jules was born. I am going to attempt to explain feelings that I have, and I simply do not know if I can express them well.

I can't believe how close in age my children are. In many ways, I don't think that I have even processed that fact yet ~ It just was what it was and we took it in stride ~ and we truly enjoyed it. Lately, I look at Julia, my baby, and think HOW ON EARTH DID WE BRING ANOTHER ONE HOME WHEN OUR FIRST ONE WAS 13 MONTHS OLD? She seems just born still! She is running around, and talking, and eating anything not nailed down, but she is my BABY. I remember feeling like Luke was such a "kid" when I brought Jules home from the hospital.....but now I feel like Jules is just a baby ~ which means that he was just a baby! (I'm assuming that everyone else in my life knew that, but I simply did not have time or energy or intestinal fortitude to dwell on that fact when I grotesquely pregnant and imminently expecting!)


I think that its just that I know whats coming now. Its not that I don't "know" Jules. I know every single thing about my girl. I know what she needs, when she needs to nurse, what she likes to do, what she is trying to communicate.......but sometimes I feel like I don't "know" her yet. Is this the plight of the second child? Or is this the luck of the second child? My perpetually lurking back-of-my-mind-fear that Luke was on the brink of turning into a nightmare simply does not exist with Jules. I can love not just where she is, but where she is going, as Luke has provided me with a frame of reference as to what is to come. And its all good ~ its just all so good.

Luke is an everyday mystery revealing himself... his age, his ability,....his joys and struggles that are unique to his age.... the next phase, if you will. I have not yet been a Mother to a 27 month old.......but I have been a Mother to a 13 month old. Luke is always forging ahead into new territory ~ teaching me, growing me as a Mother....while Jules reaps the rewards of a Mother who has already been there and done that.

I knew that this would not make any sense, and as I read back through what I just wrote I am tempted to delete this post in its entirety.

I can't believe that I have a two year old and a one year old.I don't think that the enormity of the task that we were entrusted with (having children 13 months apart) hit me until recently, when I began to come out of the "hanging on for dear life" mode. Sometimes you can't appreciate how easy or good life is until you have felt it be hard. Sometimes you can't appreciate how hard life was/has been until you feel it be easy again.

Jules, my baby, and Luke my kid...........thank you. Thank you for giving me joy in the midst of chaos. Thank you for tolerating the fact that I mother by the seat of my pants. Thank you for teaching me everything that I know about being a Mom. Thank you for showing me, every day, how much I have to learn.