Things I worried about today

I worried about Julia having to drink bottles of pumped milk for almost 4 full days. I worried about pumping to keep up my supply while being away from my baby for almost four days. I worried about the middle of the night, and about logistics, and about the kids clothing. I worried that I am a failure of a Mother because I don't really know exactly when she nurses so I am having a hard time coming up with any semblance of an "eating timetable" to tell her grandparents. I worried about my baby girl missing me and crying or feeling abandoned. I worried about the dog, and the food, and how many meals I had frozen and made for my parents/in laws who are watching the kids and for Luke. I bought baby food for Julia because I didn't want them to have to worry about identifying/thawing/dealing with all the baby food I have in the freezer. So then I worried about the jarred baby food and allergies. Then I worried about the pumping for 4 days thing. Then I worried about ear infections. And about traumatic head injuries. And then about sharks (Thanks, Jen ;) bathtub injuries, and then about my luggage getting lost and my pump getting lost and me driving around FL like a maniac trying to find a breast pump. I worried about writing up the kids schedules, and I worried about getting all the laundry done, and I worried about being thought a bad housekeeper due to the state of a couple of areas of utter chaos in my house. I worried about the guestroom, and having it well stocked. Have I mentioned that I worried about pumping? I worried about hitting it in the water on 17 at Sawgrass. I worried about talking about the kids too much on our trip. I worried about crying as I drive away from Julia knowing that it is the first time I have ever left her overnight, and its for three nights. I worried about what I am going to wear down there as my "resort wear" wardrobe is lacking still in the wake of two pregnancies. I worried about my parents having problems with the car seats, or the strollers. i worried about driving my husband INSANE because of my worrying. I worried about driving my parents crazy by calling too often.

Anyway, I'm trying to be done with worrying by writing it all out, even the utterly crazy bits.

The logical rational part of me knows that my kids may well be better off than when I'm home ~ they are going to be surrounded by their loving adoring grandparents, who between them raised 7 children. They are in very capable hands. And my kids are really easy good natured kids. Its just that I'm their Mom. And its hard for me to leave them. Cause I'm their Mom.

So now I have made myself cry. Julia is 6 months old, I cant blame pregnancy hormones anymore.

I really need to get over it.

Carbon Copies?

The pictures are of Luke and Julia at 6 months of age. I'm honestly shocked by how much they look alike. In day to day life I dont really see it, but looking back at Luke's 6 month pictures I was stunned by the similarities.

It got me thinking about the two of them.

They were born on the exact same gestational day of pregnancy, 39 Weeks 3 Days.
Luke was 8'7 and Julia was 8'4
At 6 months of age Luke was 18.2, Julia was 18.3
They were both born with about the same amount of hair, which they both promptly lost.
They have very similar personalities, at least thusfar.
Both were great sleepers.
Both were great nursers.
They are hitting milestones at almost the exact same age.

My little almost-Irish-twins.

Babycenter.com

Back when I was pregnant with Luke I used to while away my days in the office avoiding work and reading and daydreaming about all things pregnancy and birth and baby. I had signed up for the babycenter.com pregnancy thingy whereby they emailed you weekly letting you know what was likely happening with you and your growing baby. I used to be a doula, so much of it was not all that informative or helpful to me, and I quickly lost interest with babycenter. I never bothered to go back to the site and cancel my emails from them, however. I pretty much forgot all about it.

This morning I went in and opened my email to see this email header at the top of my inbox ~

"Is it time to start thinking about another baby?"

And I nearly spit out my coffee.

Apparently this is the point where people who gave birth around when I did (to Luke) start thinking about having another baby.

Guess I should let them know we were a little ahead of the curve on that one..........

Maiden Voyage

We have added a new weapon to our arsenal of child transport devices. Welcome, BOB Revolution Duallie. You join a well stocked fleet of slings, carriers, car seats, and single and double strollers. After much research you were hand picked for your ease of maneuverability, your comfort, your durability, your jogging capabilities, and the fact that you will cook us dinner.

Just kidding on the cooking bit.

We took 'er out for a spin this afternoon, on what was really our first fairly chilly day of fall. I love this stroller. I no longer have an excuse to not get out and exercise outside with the kids.

In other news, it has been an extraordinarily easy and wonderful week at home. We have rather suddenly settled into a great schedule. Luke wakes up around 7, Julia around 8. Julia is now napping from about 10 - 12.30, Luke napping from 12-3, and Jules napping again from around 3-5. They both go to bed at 7. It gives me a lot of alone time with each kid, and a lot of time to get some things done. I have decided that I could never live in a place without seasons. I need the change that seasons offer us. While summer is fantastic and beautiful and great, its also exhausting and hectic and very....driven. This week we really segued into fall mode. For me, that entails lots more cooking and general homemaker type poking around-ish jobs. Its time to hunker down (and slow down) a little. Its fueled by the shorter and colder days making us spend more time in the house, which then mandates that the house become a place that I want to be for large chunks of time every day. I take a lot more pleasure in being organized this time of year. I take a lot more pleasure in cooking food for my family, and making baby food for Julia. I enjoy the quiet afternoons with some music on and Luke throwing impromptu dance parties while I cook.

My girlfriends are the glue that holds this whole "at home" schedule together. I have friends and their kids over almost every day, and it keeps me sane, and it keeps my kids sane. Thank you to all my girlfriends for sharing your wisdom with me, for sharing your empathy with me, your experience, your struggles. Its just so edifying to know that so many of us struggle with the same things as we work hard to be the best Mom's we can be to our children. Whether its what to feed them, how to discipline them, how to diaper them, or how to educate them, (and everything in between!) I learn so very much from my friends. Thank you and your beautiful children for all that you are to me and to my kids.

(And Jenny, thank you for the beautiful sweater that you made Luke ~ Julia is now wearing it, and anywhere and everywhere we go I get accosted by other Mothers wanting to know where I bought it :)!

It's official

The Picture People take better photos than I do :)

Do you Tu Tu?

Julia does.

This is a little at home tu tu try on in preparation for her 6 month portraits today. Can I tell you that there is no torture quite like trying to get a 6 month old and a 19 month old to sit still and perhaps even crack a smile while surrounded with oh so fun tulle? While I was jumping around like an idiot with some stupid squeak toy and my screechy high pitched "please smile, kid" Mom voice in full gear I realized what an idiot I looked like. I swear I want to install hidden cameras in a Picture People ~ Not to capture the oh so darling angelic tots, but the frazzled, frantic, dork-O parents doing their damnedest to eek a smile out of their kid.

We ended up with an absolutely beautiful one of my girl, and a great one of the two kids together. And I ended up with a headache.

Hey Jen and Mike

All I have to say is neener neener.

Oh, that and that I hope that Big Ben has some Big Bad Painkillers to take tonight.

Tonight, the Eagles reign supreme in PA.

Julia ~ 1/2 of a year!

Baby girl! I can't even believe that you are 6 months old today. I woke up thinking about what I was doing 6 months ago today.....waking up in labor, going to the hospital, laboring and laughing and giddy with excitement at the prospect of meeting my little surprise. Your birth was amazing ~ truly one of the best experiences of my life. Being the first one to say "It's a girl"! the moment that you entered the world is something that I will treasure forever. You have found your groove within our family with ease and grace. You adore your big brother. You are so big, and healthy, and way ahead of yourself in terms of milestones (slow down, baby girl, slow down). I hate braggy type blog posts, but I would be dishonest were I to act as though I am not so wonderfully proud of you ~ so grateful for you, and so in love with you. You love to laugh. You love to smile. You make our family even more fun.

We celebrated your birthday by kicking off our adventure into the wonderful (and horrible ~ the mess, the baby food making, the diapers!...the work for me. Nursing is so easy.) world of solid foods. You are no longer an exclusively breast fed baby....you have joined the land of the eaters. You were so ready that you ripped the spoon out of my hand, put it into your own mouth, and said THANK YOU! when you were finished. I exaggerate, of course, but you ate your first meal of bananas and oatmeal with a gusto. We spent the day at the zoo with your brother and Mom Mom today ~ it was one of those utterly fabulous September days in Pennsylvania.

I feel as though I am not doing you justice here, baby girl, but after a day at the zoo and then a round of golf with your Dad, I am utterly fried.

Calling you my daughter is a joy and a privilege. Congrats on your very first half-birthday, little Jules. Tomorrow you will be closer to one than to none.......and its all going by much too fast. I love you.

Rugby and Rugrats

My little sister is one of my very best friends. Actually, to call her that seems to simplify or not give enough weight to our relationship.........she is my SISTER. She is a piece of my heart. She is Luke's Godmother. She happens to be my friend too.

Becca is a teacher in one of the best public school districts in our area. She teaches FCA (Family Consumer Science) which encompasses both cooking and a pre-school lab. Many of our local high schools have started this preschool lab program ~ They teach child development to the highschoolers and offer a preschool supervised my by sister and "run" by the kids. Two days/week Becca teaches her students about early childhood development, and the other 3 days the preschoolers are actually there playing/learning etc. (Becca, if I am not explaining this correctly let me know) I was asked to bring my kids in on Friday morning to talk to her two classes about parenting/children etc. While Luke charmed the crowd with his 18 mo old antics (Luke loooooves a crowd and was in full showman mode) and Julia sat contentedly in my lap I was asked questions ranging from pregnancy, to childbirth, to discipline, to development, to my decision to be a stay at home mom and so on....... It was fascinating for me to hear the questions that the kids had. I loved the experience. I was also so proud of my sister ~ of the way she interacts with her students, of the joy and energy she brings to her classroom, and of the pride and joy she gets from my kids. The school itself blew me away ~ it was immaculate. And huge. Gleaming marble floors. I had to wonder why anyone would ever spend $30,000/year to send their child to Episcopal (this years Philly Mag/Education issue came out and Episcopal is literally $30k/year. Mind boggling to me) when there are public schools like that in our area. Bec ~ Thank you.

In other news........we decided that with Julia newly mobile and Luke manically mobile we really needed to commit an area of our house to the kids. (Read between the lines here.........we needed a place to contain them. Safely.) I had long been planning to make our living room their playroom. With all of the furniture we need to eventually buy I had just figured that that room would be about last on our list of priorities. Only issue was that that room was not in sight from the kitchen, WAS in sight from the dining room (which we are furnishing now) and was carpeted. I know that the long winter ahead will be filled with play dough/paint/marker/MESS and figure that the hardwood floor will be much easier to clean than the carpet. And I don't want to discourage some fun mess on behalf of a stupid carpet. Last weekend it dawned on me that our sun room off of our kitchen/living room/eating area would be totally perfect. It's filled with windows and skylights, which will be nice in the darkness of winter. It will only take one long gate to contain them, not two like the living room would have. Anyway, we are now on our way to having a safe playroom for our kids. Pics above.

The other picture is from Nate's Rugby game today. I have a love/hate affair with rugby. I'm so proud of Nate that he plays. I love the game itself. I love the other players, their wives, their kids. I have made some good friends and really enjoy sunny Saturdays out on the pitch watching the guys play and Luke play with the plethora of other little critters who litter the sidelines. That said, its a huge time commitment (Tues and Thurs night practices and Sat games which essentially take up the whole day once all is said and done). There is also the issue I have with the violent nature of the game itself ~ the physical aspect is one thing that I most enjoy about the game, but I confess that I still wince and often catch myself holding my breath when I see Nate get tackled or tackle. Its brutal.

Today the team tied Wilmington. Not a great game for the squad and the tie felt like a loss to them. As miserable as Nate was about the outcome, the second Luke cried out Da Da after the game and went running to his filthy, sweaty, beat up Dad I saw Nate's face burst into the biggest grin ever. There must be nothing quite like having your own cheering section to come off of the field to.

Nekkid Time

My little girl is growing up way too fast.

Tomorrow morning both kids are going to highschool. More on that later :)

Muscles

Last night we went to test drive the new Toyota Sequoia. Cool car. Really really big car. In fact, car is a misnomer. Tank seems more suited. We gave it a go, then (in response to my fears that it would not fit in our garage) we took it home for the evening (the salespeople were visibly panting at the idea that someone might actually BUY one of these vehicles in these days of high fuel prices).. It did fit in our garage (barely). We have a 3 car garage, which really means that we have a normal 2 car garage, with another (single) garage door which houses our extra fridge/bikes/strollers/lawn maintenance things/tools/trash/recycling cans. It fit, begrudgingly. I would absolutely, definitely, without question smash through the wall, smash off a side mirror or two, and maybe crash into the garage itself while owning the Sequoia. Maybe even crash into Nate's car one day. That does not even begin to touch the damage I would do to his car/my car/our things/our children/myself while opening the doors and trying to extricate the kids from the belly of the beast once "safely" inside the garage.

Its cool, make no mistake about it. Tons of room. Awesome rear view cameras (so I could watch, in horrid live action color detail when I run over the dog/stroller/curb/other peoples car) some unfortunate day. Cool auto raising/closing/folding seat and rear door features. Its just huge. And the gas..........lets just say that the neato feature of it showing me how many miles worth of gas remained in my tank only seemed like a ticker counting down the money in our bank account. Should I ever get in a head to head with another car/deer/house or small office building, I would surely win. But, its huge. Part of me loved it, part of me loathed it.

We seem to be dealing with some sort of "coolness perception problem" as we look at giant SUV's vs. the uber-practical mini-van. I, like many other women of my generation, swore I would never own a mini-van. Yet I, like MANY other women of my generation, see why people own them.

We are so not cool. Not saying that we ever were necessarily "cool" ~ but schlepping around two kids, a dog and the various peripherals that we deem necessary to support the lives of aforementioned creatures has certainly knocked our perception of self coolness down a notch or two (please refer to previous post regarding the Thule roof rack thing...........affectionately referred to around here as the "silver bullet".). I will stipulate that we are not cool. So why the hesitation at the mini-van? Clearly we cling to some illusion.

Anyway. Taking an informal poll of my friends is no help. Comments like "Don't be an as$hole get the mini van" (Brendan M.) directly clash with those of the few girlfriends I have who already have three kids and drive one and are longing, hoping against hope, to get rid of it for a huge SUV (Tracy R.). Toss in the aghast comments from my friends who only have one kid (a MINI VAN? SERIOUSLY???!)and the waters really get murky. Add to that the whole DVD issue. My kids do not watch TV/movies/cartoons. I am one of those warped parents who do not believe that "baby Einstein" videos serve a purpose. Sue me. So do I get a DVD player thingy in the car? While I completely understand that my kids are getting older, and someday a little xanax (did I say xanax? I meant cartoon movie) might make our trips to the beach or anywhere else easier, I also loathe the idea that it might also make every venture out in the car a battle of "put in a DVD'. I don't know. This parenting stuff is hard. Babies are easy. The thought of being someones moral compass, of instilling actual values, and self control, and self respect etc in my kids is way more challenging to me. I hate our culture of consumerism, yet I am a part of it. No doubt about that.

Speaking of which, I went clothes shopping for the kids yesterday. I had a gift card from a baby shower that I had carefully hoarded up until now. I will tell you that I am unabashedly cheap when it comes to my children's clothes. I love hand-me-downs. Where I live that is a foreign concept to some, yet I love them. Kids trash clothes. They defile them with every conceivable body fluid. So I love free clothes from friends (shameless request for hand me downs disguised as a parenting stance :)). Anyway, it was my first taste of girl clothes shopping for Jules as she has been wearing much appreciated gifts up until now. What ridiculously cute and inordinately unpractical clothing they make for little girls! Whatever designer thought that anything WHITE was a good idea clearly never had a child. Kids clothing is inanely expensive. I need an entire fall wardrobe for both of my kids.........and after sifting through sale racks for 30 min I came away with a sweet darling little pumpkin hat from Janie and Jack. That was all, for the first hour. I then forced myself to get some cute little jumpers, tights, and a sweater or two for my girl. Today at whole foods I added an organic Tomato hat (in the pics) and long sleeve onesie to my fall arsenal. Did I complain about Indian Summer? I'm now embracing it as I am officially not happy about the fact that my children are growing up too fast and fall is coming on all too soon.

To add to my discomfiture, Julia is now crawling. I keep thinking of my friend (with two kids) who said............"as soon as that baby starts pulling up.........just push 'em right back down", with a laugh. Its all so different with your second child. I am so thrilled for my little girl. Her world just got a lot bigger, and my world just got a lot more scary. Not to mention, this whole crawling-girl child thing is a different adventure than with a boy. Her dresses trip her up. I don't have any answers, I know less today than I did yesterday, and I keep on trying.

Luke, on the other hand, knows more every day. My little kid loves to prove his balance on anything and everything. Our new thing is that I ask him to "show me your muscles" and he does the above. My little helper loves to find any tiny little speck of leaves/trash/dog food/food he has thrown.....on the floor and bring it over to me, proudly proclaiming "dirt!". Once I have ascertained that it is, in fact, "dirt", I tell him that he can throw it in the trashcan. He is very pleased with his new role of finder-of-all-that-is-dirt. I only wish he did not take equal amounts of joy in taking things OUT of the trashcan.

A good start

Yesterday was pretty much a perfect day. The Eagles won (and looked fantastic). The Jets won (And while I am happy that they won because I love my husband, I'm also happy that Favre wasn't all that great, because I am human.) Brady got hurt. Brady is out for the year. While I give Tom Brady mad props for being ridiculously good looking and athletic, I'm a bit sick of having the Patriots shoved down my throat. I wont mind seeing Pat's fans quieted down *just* a notch. The chili was delish. I got both kids down for a nap 5 minutes before kick off. The day was beautiful. Fantasy football was kind. Entourage and a new HBO series started. Life is good.

Here is Jules in her new Eagles jersey courtesy of her Uncle Pete. Thanks Uncle Pete! I cant wait to see YOUR brand new baby in a jersey when the Eagles are in the playoffs (fingers crossed......playoffs......fingers crossed)

The biggest and best news however is.............Luke learned to say EAGLES!!!! And he still does not say Jets! The verdict is in, kid. I knew you were smart. Thank you thank you thank you for saying Eagles before you said Jets. I never cared if you said Ma Ma or Da Da first......this was way more important to me.

Fall. And Falling.

Its still Indian Summer here. It was really hot this past week. But an afternoon on the golf course yesterday proved to me that fall is really right around the corner. Leaves everywhere.

Kids put a huge huge damper on ones golf game. Its all really part of an evil plot on part of my husband.........I started playing golf when we started dating. I had played a few times before then, but that's when I really got into it. And like anything that I get into ~ I got really into it. Moderation just does not really seem to be my thing. That is both a blessing and a curse in my life, but that's a story for another time. While I played through both falls while pregnant, this summer its simply been a lot harder for us to get out together. It just is what it is right now. I used to post 30 or even 40 rounds/year....this year I maybe posted 5. I played 9 every Monday night with my Dad, while Nate or a sitter watched the kids, but other than those few times its just not like it used to be in terms of frequency. Right about when I started beating Nate often enough for it to send him into a panic, he went and got me pregnant. And kept me pregnant. It has had a negative impact on my scoring, but not on my love of the game. Its one of our favorite things to do together, and I have visions of the day that Jules and I are playing against Nate and Luke.

With fall comes fear this year. Typically it is far and away my favorite season ~ All things football and hockey and leaves and fires and cider and crisp air and wool sweaters and jeans admittedly get my heart beating a little faster. I cant wait to see my kids picking pumpkins, to see Jules in little sweater dresses and tights, and Luke in his sneakers again.

This year though my longing for fall is countered with a dread ~ A dread of starting Jules on solids in another month or so, a dread of my babies swapping germs with one another with reckless abandon all winter long, a dread of coats, and mittens, and all that sweet baby flesh tucked away under layers and layers of clothing. A dread of Julia getting (all too soon) into that horrid self abusive phase of pulling up and promptly falling over.....over and over and over again. That phase had me in tears several times with Luke as I watched him bash his much loved face against anything and everything he could find. I remember my fantasies of fitting him with a crash helmet. Its coming. And its wonderful ~ don't get me wrong, I embrace all of these milestones and get so proud of each one......its just that with crawling/falling/eating comes change, lots of change, and I really really dig the rhythm of our life at the moment. Both kids nap and sleep like champs, solely nursing is so easy, we spend huge chunks of time outdoors.....and in the coming months all that will change. It will take way more effort to keep them healthy, to keep them active and on the go and whatnot.

Anyway. My tiny seemingly newborn baby is now standing. See pics. I'm so not ready.

Ms. J spent her morning teaching herself to crawl.......backwards. Its so painful and so hilarious at the same time. The object of her desire lies mere inches in front of her squishy little face. She reaches out her arms....she pushes up to her hands and knees while staring at the thing she so longs to put in her mouth...and then she twists up her little face with effort......and crawls backwards. I feel like so often I do the same thing ~ In my effort to become who I want to be I frequently feel as though my mad efforts move me backwards...but ultimately I trust that she, like me, will get there.

It's Football Eve.............

I have created an official (to our family) holiday. Second to Christmas Eve, this may be one of my favorite nights of the year.

Tomorrow the NFL kicks off. I like (love) football more than most men I know. I won't even say more than that. Nate and I love our kids, and we love golf, and we sure do love football. While we may have different teams that we adore, our general love for all that is NFL is a rock in our relationship.

Its one of the tenets of our family life (although our kids may not yet appreciate it).

There is a fantastic dinner awaiting Nate as he gets back from DC. The kids are in bed. And tomorrow it all starts.

Go Eagles. Go drama. Go football.

"I did it"

It was a busy, wonderful holiday weekend. Friday we went to the Zoo as a family for the first time. Although I have been there several times this summer with the kids, it was the first time that Nate went with us. We had a great time, and Luke and Jules enjoyed it as usual. When we got in the car, hot and tired, Nate turned to me and said "Holy %&*! I have no idea how on Earth you do that alone with two kids". I didn't tell him that I have no idea how I do it either. I didn't tell him that there is no real choice, you just do it. Nothing like a little real world experience to force a little Mom appreciation.

Saturday we started our festival hopping up in Sburg with Carolyn and Tony. We were treated to a great time and the kids were thrilled to get to spend so much time with their grandparents. We hit up Stroudfest and the Garlic Festival, swam in the pool, ate like Kings, and went to a BBQ at Leigh and Tom's house. We ended the holiday weekend in the burg with some playground time with Leah and Madeline, and got home around 2. Coming home to an empty fridge is the worst. With the help of the cornfield next door, tomatoes and basil from Moms garden, and some kabobs on the grill, we managed to pull together a last minute dinner and Luke got to "drive" his first sports car.

This weekend was also a first for him ~ His first sentence! Yesterday he proclaimed with joy "I DID IT!" in front of Carolyn, Nate and I.

Jules is also in just a beautiful place with her sleeping ~ She goes to bed at 7, wakes only once to nurse, and then sleeps till 8. I love this.

The house is a wreck, the fridge still empty, and I have to get to work. Happy September all!