Happy 1/2, big guy.

Happy 1/2 birthday to my big guy. How did this get here so quickly? Here is where we were a year ago today.

We are halfway through the "terrible two's" and thus far we have had very, very few terrible moments. I could not imagine an easier toddler than you, Luke.

Kid, if you read this someday, I have to tell you that you are just a ray of pure sunshine. You have a sweet spirit, you literally love to laugh, and you epitomize not sweating the small stuff. Today I yelled at you *hangs head in shame*. I then apologized to you, and you came right over to me and said "That's okay Mama, I love you Mama, Mama you sad?" as you kissed me, wrapped your arms around my neck and started patting my back. You made me cry with your kindness following me losing my patience with you. You are so your Dad, kiddo, and you make it impossible not to love you to the point where I feel as though it might make me lose my breath.

From the day that you were born 2.5 years ago you have made me smile every single day, and I love the little person who you are becoming. Mothering you is a joy and a privilege.

Cupcakes for all, tonight.

Ju-Jous

Baby girl, you are 15 month old. You were supposed to have your 15 month well baby visit today, but due to a scheduling mix up at the Dr's office (their fault) and their subsequent admission that the next well baby visit I could schedule was either Friday (when we will be out of town) or in SEPTEMBER, your Mama Bear threw a holy FIT at the Dr's, requested your medical records, and quickly found a new pedi based upon the recommendation of a friend. Your 15 month visit will be next week with our new Dr. Sometimes my temper gets the best of me, and sometimes my temper helps me make the best decisions for my kids. Let it be shouted from the rooftops that while I love love loved the Dr's at Kids First WC, and I loved the way that they would get my sick kids in for visits within hours of calling, I have zero tolerance for a practice that makes mistakes (they wrote my appointment time on my appointment card wrong 3 months ago....and I showed up at the time they had written down) and can't find a way to rectify them. I was tempted to include my entire diatribe/fit, but it isn't worth it. (It was pretty good though, if I may pat myself on the back.)

So. Julia Elise.

You funny little bugger. You are a delight. Your language skills are beyond my wildest dreams considering your age. We are still nursing, and you are officially that baby who asks to nurse. I know some people love to say the whole "when they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old to nurse" thing, and I find that silly. You loooooove your big brother. Every morning when I come in to get you you look at me, start bouncing up and down in your crib, and say "Luuuuke?" as you point downstairs. On the mornings when he wakes up first, and he hears you cry, he says "Mama, Julja crying! Mama, go get Julja!". He insists on opening your door, runs over to your crib, climbs in, and the two of you say "I love yoooooooouuuuuuuu" while pointing to one anothers noses and giggling like mad. Its mindmeltingly cute. I have to get it on video, then learn to upload video. Baby steps towards becoming tech savvy.

Your personality just shines through lately. You love to be held. You wrap your legs around my body, your arms around my neck, and cuddle your head right into my shoulder the moment I pick you up. You do everything Luke does. Today at the playground you climbed UP the slide for the first time, hot on your brothers heels. Your eating is epic. You could easily sit for 30 minutes in your highchair, happily and methodically eating every random thing that I put on your plate. Your new favorite word is "Duuuuuuuuude!", immediately after which you yell "Touchdown!" as you throw your arms up in the air. You have already gotten on board with your brothers golf ball obsession. You love to kick, and throw, and hit balls, and you also can't seem to stop yourself from kissing every.single.stuffed.animal.or.babydoll you pick up. You love to "talk" on the phone. You don't call it a phone though, you call it a "hello", which makes me laugh every time. You walk around with the phone, or anything shaped remotely like a phone, saying "hi Da da! Love you Da Da!" and the like.

You know your mind, baby girl. You know what you want, and when you want it. You have a bit more of a temper than your brother does, and I have to admit that sometimes it makes me laugh. You are a bit more dramatic than him. You never hurt yourself. You seem to have a very keen sense of what you are capable of, and you execute it well. When you do get knocked down (as frequently happens at play dates or playgroup as you are usually playing with kids a year older than you) you rarely cry. You are a tough little cookie. Your skin is positively dreamy. You LOVE water. You LOVE eating markers (not just sucking on them, actually eating, chewing and swallowing them ~ BLECH). Your hair is SO blond I cannot believe it. Its like corn silk in the sunlight. You have the sweetest little curls in the back of your mullet. You are a kisser, baby girl, and I feel honored every time you bestow one one me. You could not possibly be an easier sleeper ~ You actually sleep slightly less than Luke ~ You go to bed right at 7 with nothing but a kiss and a prayer. You wake at 7 am happy and ready for action. You go down for your naps with nary a protest.

Happy 15 months Ju-Jous (that is what you call yourself right now). I love you so much.

Dip Dip Dip

This afternoon I was sitting in the office nursing Jules and poking around on the computer. Luke was still napping. I heard a weird noise in the kitchen. A squeal sort of noise. I ran in there, to find my Luke, sitting up at the island with his hockey puck, balsamic vinegar running down his face, dip dip dipping bread and cheese into balsamic vinegar and pesto and tomatoes with gleeful abandon. He must have walked downstairs, and had his balsamic radar go off, climbed up on the high stool, and sat himself down for a meal. I have no idea how long he was there. He ate about half of my giant afternoon late lunch meal/snack before I caught him. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, so Jules and I helped him polish off the rest of my meal.

If you notice in the pic there is a hockey puck on the island. Some kids use pacifiers. Some have blankets, or teddy bears, or whatever. Luke has a hockey puck. He sleeps with it. A while ago it was the basketball. Then golf balls. Now puck. Night Night Luke, Night Night puck. Two nights ago he asked me to give the puck a kiss goodnight. We are deep in the throes of another passionate new obsession. It's actually quite annoying how obsessed with golf Luke is. Every.single.time I get him out of the car in our garage we start a golfball/club begging match. He catches a glimpse of my clubs sitting there, and starts begging to play with them. Every single time its time to go inside its a heartbroken little drama as he is told that the (real) golfballs have to stay outside (he has hollow ones for inside, but never seems to remember that in his moment of heartbreak). I hear "Mama, where golfball go?" ~ honestly? ~ 200ish times a day. I have decided that it's time to get the kid some kids clubs. We have broken two sets of el cheapo plastic kid golf clubs, and I refuse to waste more money on those garbage things again. So, I'm in the hunt for toddler/kid golf clubs, if anyone has any recomendations or experience please let me know.

Jules has just come to life lately. Thats her "cleaning" above. Whenever she can she will swipe a wipe, and she and Luke will go on feverish "cleaning" binges around the house. She is just hilarious all of a sudden. She is talking so much, she is so interactive and funny, she loves to dance, and today she beat up Luke for the very first time (:/). Today was their first official "fight". We were reading books on the couch while our oatmeal cooked early this morning. Luke had a book that Julia decided that she wanted. She GRABBED it out of his hands while yelling "Me me me me me me meeeeeeeeeee". He resisted, and held onto the book, while saying "No, Julia". She took offense, I presume, as she then reached up, grabbed a fistfull of his hair, and pulled ~ hard ~ until he started crying and dropped the book. It was literally the first time I have ever seen any agression from her towards him. It both made me laugh (secretely, of course) and made me furious. Little Sumo, Julia Elise.

We head to the beach in a few hours. Luke has been talking about it all week. "Luke go Cape May. Luke catch big fish with Pop Pop Uncle Pete". Have a great weekend everyone.

For Nate, Day 10

Today is day 10 of Nate being away from the kids. I believe that that is twice as long as he has ever been apart from them. They miss him. Every time Jules sees a pic of him she says "Hi Dada!" and starts doing her little hyperventilating laugh, and every morning when Luke talks to him on the phone he signs off with "Bye bye Dada, Love you Dada". The pics are from this morning. We were outside and playing (i.e not inside driving one another crazy) by 8 am. Jules now knows where her ears, eyes, nose and mouth are. Her vocabulary is ridiculous. I don't know if its a boy vs. girl thing, or just a Luke vs. Jules thing, but I honestly don't believe that Luke was speaking like her even at 18 months, and she is only 13 months. She will entertain herself "reading" a book, leafing through the pages (oftentimes upside down) and babbling incoherently away. Luke is TOTALLY ADVANCED, like, GIFTED at using the word NO lately :/ . I don't know where this came from (or how the heck to make it stop, NOW) but I really really hate the NO thing. It seems to be the first thing he says, to most anything I say. We always get through it, but the extra time/conversation around every.single.thing is honestly simply exhausting. I can't wait for Nate to get home, simply to deflect some of the "NO's" away from me.

Playgroup was at our house today. The above is a few of the kids playing "Ring around the Rosie". Hilarity ensued.

I feel so lucky to have my playgroup. We have been together since our kids were 8 weeks old or so, though many of us met when our babies were but a few days old at the nursing Moms support group that we went to. Who would have known two years ago what a huge part of my life these ladies, and their sweet babies would become. From the days where we sat around talking about our birth stories while our babies nursed or lay prone and unmoving on blankets on the floor, until now, these girls have become a great resource to me ~ both in knowledge and in simple encouragement. Its HARD being a Mom. Sleepless nights are HARD. The worry and fear are HARD. Toddlers are REALLY hard. Just being able to confess my frustrations, or fears, or how a sweet little cuddly two year old can honestly inspire feelings of rage, is so freeing. Its amazing how though we all have different kids, with different strengths or weaknesses or challenges, we all experience the same feelings as Mothers. We have moved from birth stories and immobile newborns, through solids, through immunizations, through weaning, through nap transitions, through crib/bed transitions, through discipline, through vacations, through lots of laughs, and lots of tears, through many second children and here we are today, with kids who sing songs, play together, and know one another as true FRIENDS. I am grateful to share this journey through Motherhood with such fantastic women, and phenominal Mothers.

Nate, come home soon. I'm tired :)

PS ~ Nate ~ See the grass in the background? ITS GREEN! IT'S REALLY GREEN!

Just Happy

I feel like I am so behind in blogging. With playgroup here, then Christine and Ronan in town for a fantastic visit, then off to Scranton and then Stroudsburg, then downtown today and a golf outing tomorrow, its been a WHIRLWIND of a week.

It hit me that yesterday Jules was 13 mos and 6 days old. That is the exact age that Luke was when Jules was born. I am going to attempt to explain feelings that I have, and I simply do not know if I can express them well.

I can't believe how close in age my children are. In many ways, I don't think that I have even processed that fact yet ~ It just was what it was and we took it in stride ~ and we truly enjoyed it. Lately, I look at Julia, my baby, and think HOW ON EARTH DID WE BRING ANOTHER ONE HOME WHEN OUR FIRST ONE WAS 13 MONTHS OLD? She seems just born still! She is running around, and talking, and eating anything not nailed down, but she is my BABY. I remember feeling like Luke was such a "kid" when I brought Jules home from the hospital.....but now I feel like Jules is just a baby ~ which means that he was just a baby! (I'm assuming that everyone else in my life knew that, but I simply did not have time or energy or intestinal fortitude to dwell on that fact when I grotesquely pregnant and imminently expecting!)


I think that its just that I know whats coming now. Its not that I don't "know" Jules. I know every single thing about my girl. I know what she needs, when she needs to nurse, what she likes to do, what she is trying to communicate.......but sometimes I feel like I don't "know" her yet. Is this the plight of the second child? Or is this the luck of the second child? My perpetually lurking back-of-my-mind-fear that Luke was on the brink of turning into a nightmare simply does not exist with Jules. I can love not just where she is, but where she is going, as Luke has provided me with a frame of reference as to what is to come. And its all good ~ its just all so good.

Luke is an everyday mystery revealing himself... his age, his ability,....his joys and struggles that are unique to his age.... the next phase, if you will. I have not yet been a Mother to a 27 month old.......but I have been a Mother to a 13 month old. Luke is always forging ahead into new territory ~ teaching me, growing me as a Mother....while Jules reaps the rewards of a Mother who has already been there and done that.

I knew that this would not make any sense, and as I read back through what I just wrote I am tempted to delete this post in its entirety.

I can't believe that I have a two year old and a one year old.I don't think that the enormity of the task that we were entrusted with (having children 13 months apart) hit me until recently, when I began to come out of the "hanging on for dear life" mode. Sometimes you can't appreciate how easy or good life is until you have felt it be hard. Sometimes you can't appreciate how hard life was/has been until you feel it be easy again.

Jules, my baby, and Luke my kid...........thank you. Thank you for giving me joy in the midst of chaos. Thank you for tolerating the fact that I mother by the seat of my pants. Thank you for teaching me everything that I know about being a Mom. Thank you for showing me, every day, how much I have to learn.

Jul-Ja, 13 months

To let Julia celebrate turning 13 months old, we gave her the camera to take a self portrait. Not too shabby, for a 13 month old, eh?


Jules, at 13 months you are a little wonder. You seem to have forgotten what crawling is entirely, and you walk everywhere at this point. You have developed two curls, one behind each ear, that stick out perfectly and oh so irresistibly. You adore your brother. You are a total Mama's girl, and love nothing more than to be in my arms/on my leg/somehow, anyhow, touching me. You squeal with delight when you see your Dad in the mornings, scream "Da Da!" and love to place your face right flush up against his face. You still love to nurse, though we are moving quickly towards weaning. You love to give kisses, and blow kisses, and you love to kiss any stuffed animal that you come across. You actually sit in your car seat, and have kiss-blowing-giggle-"Hi~"-fests with your brother while I am driving. You love the bath, and I swear you are going to be a backstroker, as you love laying flat out on your back in the tub having your hair washed. You just go limp and relaxed and languid and sweet. You love to eat, and seem to take the task quite seriously. I have yet to meet a food you will not eat. You LOVE to be naked, and every diaper change turns into a entertainment adventure as I attempt to keep you from rolling and running away from me, squealing with naughty delicious delight. Speaking of naughty, you love being naughty. Not true naughtiness or disobeying (generally) ~ but the game of "bye bye!" as you race to the steps, shrieking with delight as you know I am hot on your heels is a favourite. You love to be chased. You love it when I am changing your diaper and Luke sits above you saying "I.......love........Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" as he dive bombs his finger onto your nose. When I put you to bed (by 7) every night we nurse, then say your prayers, then I lay you in your crib wide eyed and pink cheeked and warm and full. You throw both arms straight out to your side as you lay on your back, and say "night night" as I pull up your blanket. You glide effortlessly into sleep. You wake between 6.30 (ugh) and 7.30 (yay). You nap for about 2.5 hours every afternoon, right after lunch, while your brother does. At 13 months you actually sleep slightly less than your 26 month old brother. You seem to be a little nature girl. You will sit still and watch me weed or garden for well over an hour, while inside your attention span is all of three minutes. You will play outside with your bike for hours on end, while any indoor toy or bike is boring after hardly any time at all. You love the swings at the playground, and could swing in the sunshine, laughing, for hours on end. You will wear hats anytime, but never sunglasses. I still marvel at your blue eyes and blond hair......You don't look anything like your brother, to me....at this point I think that while your coloring is totally different, you look like your Dad. You say "hi! Night Night, bye bye, Ma Ma, Da Da, Touchdown!, Uh oh! and your absolute obsession is the word "Dat", just like your big brother. You use it as a verb, as an adjective, and as a noun.

You are a joy baby girl. I love you. Thank you for all of the sunshine that you bring into our lives.

Celebrating

It's been a long weekend. My head is still spinning and quite frankly, I am exhausted. Saturday was Becca's bachelorette party, and Sunday we had 40 or so people here for Julia's first birthday party. I felt so lucky to be surrounded by friends and family yesterday, and to all of you who came I love you all and I thank you for loving my daughter! Julia really seemed to enjoy the attention (and the cake!) and played the part of birthday girl very gracefully.

Julia had her 12 month well baby visit today (at 7.30 am, what was I thinking????). She is a healthy 30 inches and 22.7 lbs, 80th% for height and 70th% for weight. Dr was thrilled that we are still nursing and was impressed with the few words that you are using already (uh-oh, bye-bye, no.no.no, Ma Ma, Da Da, and night night). She was able to see Jules tubes and said that everything appeared to be healing beautifully. Jules got two shots, and took them like a champ (I had forgotten that shots move from the leg to the arm at one........she was looking me in the eyes when she got it (ugh) and the first one only made her wince.....the second one made her ANGRY for about 5 seconds and then the storm passed. Ugh)

I am so grateful to have a happy and healthy one year old. Here is to a great year ahead, sweet Jules. I still need to jot down my memories of you at one, but I simply lack the energy at the moment. Will try to gather up some wit and some energy here soon.

Flirting with Two

In a week, my Luke will be two. I don't know how I feel about it......on one hand I am nostalgic for the baby that he was, but on the other I truly love this funny little talking person that he suddenly is. I'm amazed at the new things that he seems to come up with every day. This week Nate and I were sitting at a red light, when we hear from the backseat, un... doo... tree... fow.... five.... sex....seben!. We turned around in disbelief to see our kid counting his fingers. Who knew? I still have no idea how he learned all of the letters of the alphabet. They are just like little sponges, absorbing all that is going on around them at insane rates. It's a bit frightening and I sometimes sit around wondering which bad thing I say will come out of his mouth one day soon. I have gotten better at spelling words that I don't want to hear him say. Better....but not great.

Luke, if you read this someday, at almost two you are a kind kid. You are always kissing and loving on your sister, and really on everyone. Every time I hand you something to eat you ask for one for Jules and bring it to her (but only 1......you say "Luke two Jules one", take your two pretzels and run to her with hers). You love to read books, you love to play with your flashcards, you love to paint. You will do puzzles for hours on end, taking out every piece, lining them up in a row, and then one by one putting them back in. You will take a pen and a piece of paper and lay on the floor "writing" (you proudly bring your little carefully scrawled "letters" over to me, and when I ask you what they say you answer "Luke!" every single time). You love to draw circles and triangles, then count them. You love to pile each and every toy in your playroom into one giant mound, while you scream "mo toys!" like a little madman. You laugh so hard you forget to breath when you get tickled...and then you beg for more. You honestly just love to laugh. You make "forts" out of all of the couch cushions at least 4 times a day. You use the potty every morning and every evening, and I think that if I was interested in doing so, you could potty train very quickly. The pic above is you offering your Dad a bite of birthday cake before you even took one. You then turned and gave Julia a bite. Finally, you gave yourself one. I love you, and still cannot believe what a great kid you are.

In the spirit of full disclosure, you can also be so annoying at times that I want to gnaw off my own hand. Your budding independence can make me insane ("Luke do it!") when I am trying to get out the door quickly and you insist on putting on your own coat. Sometimes when I call you you look at me....but don't come. Then I use my "do it right now" voice, and you start to take itty bitty teensy weensy little steps towards me. IT MAKES ME CRAZY! When you whine my eyeballs jitter, I swear. When you talk all day about your big guy bed and how you are going to "Stay Bed!" and then promptly jump right out of bed and run downstairs excitedly yelling "Night Night!!!" while pointing back up the steps it's maddening.

I get scared lately. Babies are so easy to me. I always felt as though just loving a baby was enough, you know? They nursed, they slept, they rolled around a bit. You keep them clean, and warm, and provide a simple, safe, environment and all would be okay. I never had to worry about creating bad habits, or discipline, or my own frustration. I could just love them, and know that that was pretty much all that they needed. Kids? Totally different story.

I have days like yesterday, where every.single.thing feels overwhelming. Luke wants to play with his puzzles, Julia wants to play with Luke, Luke gets frustrated, tries to take his puzzles to the other side of the table while saying "No No Jules" but she doggedly (and quickly!) follows him everywhere he goes. He gets frustrated. I have to hold her, which gets her frustrated.....then I get frustrated. I won't even get started on the laundry, floors, and never ending cycle of make a mess - clean a mess - make a mess that is my day. It hit me yesterday that I clean the booster and highchair 8-10 times EVERY SINGLE DAY. Between making food and cleaning up food and trying to keep my house relatively presentable and my kids in clean clothing I feel like I don't have enough hours in my day. I had a moment yesterday where I caught myself daydreaming about my old office. About going to the bathroom by myself. About going out to lunch unencumbered by two highchairs, bibs, wipes, plastic place mats, and picking up food off of some nasty restaurant floor. Not to mention that bi-weekly reward called a paycheck! Don't get me wrong, I would not trade my kids, or my life as a stay at home Mom for anything in the world, and I love it all so much that to even mention the above feels ungrateful......but WOW is it a challenge to keep my cool some days. Some days I fail. Yesterday was one. I try try try not to be a yeller. I find it so annoying and stressful to be around someone who is constantly yelling at their children, and I think that its ultimately an ineffective parenting technique. All that is great, and it's good to have goals....but sometimes I fail. Yesterday I yelled at Luke, twice. And it made me sick.

I took the kids to the gym to get a break, after that. I sat in the cafe, caught up on email and thank you cards, and took some deep breaths. My sister came in and saw me, asked my where my gloves were for our boxing class, and I burst into tears. The mom guilt is overwhelming at times. I look at these sweet little souls that somehow I have been entrusted with, and I don't know that I am worthy. I want to be all that they deserve, and I fear, all the time, that I can't be. I fear that my impatience, or my frustration, or my anything and everything is going to mess them up. I fear letting them down, or ruining them somehow. I want to believe that my best is going to be enough, and most days it totally feels as though it is and as though these kids are getting all that they deserve and need from us........but some days it doesn't.

After the gym we came home. As I was getting Luke out of his car seat he threw his arms around my neck with total abandon, and started laughing hysterically. It again brought tears to my eyes. He started kissing my face and tickling my neck, and within a moment we were standing there in the garage having an impromptu laugh and tickle fest. It just took my heavy heart away in a moment. It was like a benediction. Thanks buddy. As much as you are learning from me, I am learning from you, every single day.

(Speaking of frustration, I am beyond frustrated that my paragraphs and indentation will not work. I just don't get it. Sorry. I'm baffled.)

Here Comes the Sun

Julia loving all the activity at Maggie's

Julia and her Godmother Amy catch up!

I love this picture of Julia and her Great Grandmother. She is a lucky little girl to have you in her life Grandma.


Rub a dub two filthy babes in a tub


Slam DUNK. Whenever Luke slam dunks it he yells "BOOYA!" and it makes me laugh every single time.

I remember this children's book that I used to read to the little girl that I helped home school out in Seattle. I can't remember the title, but it was about the Winter Solstice. It talked about the return of this light, and how that was really what was being celebrated on the darkest day of the year. It was a beautiful book, (I think that it talked about the 'little fingers of light'? ~ If this rings a bell with anyone please let me know as I would love to find it for my kids). With the solstice behind us now, I see the light returning to our lives.

Both of our kids were incredibly easy newborns. They nursed, they slept, and they made the adjustment to motherhood easier than I had anticipated. Having been through infancy/the first year already with Luke, when Julia was born I had enough foresight to know that I had about 6 months before things got hard. Probably really hard. Exclusive nursing, no messy solids, and a non mobile baby would mean that life was still relatively easy aside from the sheer physical work associated with nurturing two small babes at the same time.

As predicted, September was the perfect storm of challenge and change. Julia started crawling. Julia started eating two meals of solids/day. We had a kids free vacation in early October, that, while wonderful, was tremendously stressful to me as I was so worried about leaving my babies for 4 days, worried about pumping/leaving enough milk, and worried about maintaining my supply while away. I really really wanted to make it to a year of breast milk only/no formula, and that vacation felt like a (much needed) but huge threat to my goal. The onset of winter illness started with colds and an ear infection or two. I felt trapped inside the house ~ Luke finally went to one nap and Julia got into rhythm with two long naps which meant that I pretty much had a child napping all day long, which made getting out hard. Nate was travelling a lot. It was busy.

Suddenly I feel as though things have gotten much easier. We survived that vacation without any formula (I actually had about 100 extra ounces of milk in the freezer when I got home, and worried for nothing, as usual :)), and Julia is nursing away at almost 10 months old. Getting to a year will be a breeze at this point, and I don't really see us stopping then, truth be told. The kids play together without needing us for at least an hour every morning and usually longer every evening. They love each other and are already entertaining one another. I am getting better at being more flexible with Julia's naps, and am beginning to again take advantage of Nate working from home so that I can get out more with one child while the other one is napping. Luke and Julia are both in just really happy and easy and funny stages. I have gotten used to laundry/diapers/meals for four people. They are at an age where we are starting to do crafts, and puzzles, and more artistic projects. They learn new things daily. Julia is sleeping till 7 and Luke till 8 lately, and both of them are sound asleep by 7.30 every night. I am so looking forward to the spring ~ I can't wait to be at the park with two little ones running around, instead of having two babies in vastly different phases. I know that I will get Luke and Julia on the same nap schedule sometime in late Spring or early Summer, which means fun morning excursions, and some actual alone time during the day for me. I can't wait to have the two of them on the beach. Soon Jules will be entirely off of purees and we can all eat as a family outside on our deck. There will be no winter coats, or multiple layers, or hats to worry about. The evenings will be long. The park trips will be daily. I feel really grateful to be where we are right now. After the difficulty of fall, life seems so easy, just knowing that Spring is in sight.

We had a great visit to Scranton and the Burg this weekend. It was a joy to spend some time with Aunt Maggie, Kelly and Amy and their families, and to see Grandma M (my kids Great Grandmother). While at their house sometime on Friday, little Julia cut her very first tooth! Her bottom right center tooth is just poking through the gum. She also seems to have sprouted more hair almost overnight, and she becomes more interactive by the day. She loves to be a part of things now ~ she watches everything Luke does, when he laughs, she laughs. She says hi when she waves. She sleeps beautifully. She stood in the middle of the room for about a full minute the other day without holding on to anything at all. She just started giving those big wet sloppy baby kisses this week. I love it. Thanks to Aunt Maggie and to Tony and Carolyn for having us ~ we love you and it was great to see you. Thanks for helping us start off our 2009 surrounded by the love of family.

I thought it was that time.

I went into motherhood thrilled, and excited, and more than a little afraid. I remember being hugely pregnant with Luke and Nate and I would be laying on the couch watching a movie and I would turn to him and start mimicking a babies cry at the top of my lungs. I would say "Are we ready for that???" I remember being utterly terrified at the prospect of something NEEDING me all the time. The still, quiet little unspoken fear that I had was "what if I don't like the baby very much?". I was 31 when I gave birth to Luke, and quite liked my life. While we could not wait to meet our baby, I was very aware of the fact that you just have no idea what you are actually getting (baby temperment wise) OR getting into. I had colic for four solid months as a baby, and I worried that perhaps I was owed some karmic payback in the form of a colicky baby. I was afraid of PPD. I was afraid of being a hovering or perfectionistic or competitive or know it all or otherwise uber annoying mother. In short, I was afraid.

My fears were unfounded of course ~ I don't believe that its possible to understand the love you have for your child until you actually meet it, and begin the process of falling in love with that baby in a way you cant understand until you have done it. We lucked out in the baby department as Luke was probably the easiest newborn I have ever encountered..........So once we got through the baby thing with him I started worrying about the toddler thing. Was I going to be the mother in tears in the store as their kid freaks out? Was I going to be the one with screaming hitting biting throw themselves on the floor kid? Was I going to give Nate the "YOU TAKE HIM HERE HE IS I CANT STAND ANOTHER MOMENT WITH THIS CHILD I'M LEAVING I'M GOING TO DRIVE AROUND IN SOME BLESSED SILENCE BE HOME LATER" speech when he came home from a business trip?

I don't know. I may well be. There is still LOTS of time for that, and I'm sure that each of the above things will happen to me at some point in the relatively near future.

Luke is a really easy toddler. He isn't the temper tantrum sort (please read this with a "yet" after each thing, like I said, I'm no fool and I'm sure these are coming, they just have not yet). He self entertains. He loves and is gentle with his sister. He loves to play, and to laugh, and to be silly. He sleeps like a champ. He is just an easygoing and enjoyable 20 month old. But......last week we had two days from hell. Two days where I felt like I said "Luke JOSEPH!", Do you need a BREAK? and NO!" perhaps 2 or 3 hundred times a day. By the end of the night I was turning to Nate saying "What is happening? Is this the start of the end? How long is this going to last? Will I make it?".

Today I joyfully rejoice in the fact that whatever "it" was has passed. Two days of difficult Luke, in the record books, and now sunshiny Luke is back. I really, really, don't want "it" to come back.

He taught himself to do somersaults. Thats him in his "go" position above.

And Julia is a leaf eating menace at the park these days. Mobility is a beast.

Julia ~ 1/2 of a year!

Baby girl! I can't even believe that you are 6 months old today. I woke up thinking about what I was doing 6 months ago today.....waking up in labor, going to the hospital, laboring and laughing and giddy with excitement at the prospect of meeting my little surprise. Your birth was amazing ~ truly one of the best experiences of my life. Being the first one to say "It's a girl"! the moment that you entered the world is something that I will treasure forever. You have found your groove within our family with ease and grace. You adore your big brother. You are so big, and healthy, and way ahead of yourself in terms of milestones (slow down, baby girl, slow down). I hate braggy type blog posts, but I would be dishonest were I to act as though I am not so wonderfully proud of you ~ so grateful for you, and so in love with you. You love to laugh. You love to smile. You make our family even more fun.

We celebrated your birthday by kicking off our adventure into the wonderful (and horrible ~ the mess, the baby food making, the diapers!...the work for me. Nursing is so easy.) world of solid foods. You are no longer an exclusively breast fed baby....you have joined the land of the eaters. You were so ready that you ripped the spoon out of my hand, put it into your own mouth, and said THANK YOU! when you were finished. I exaggerate, of course, but you ate your first meal of bananas and oatmeal with a gusto. We spent the day at the zoo with your brother and Mom Mom today ~ it was one of those utterly fabulous September days in Pennsylvania.

I feel as though I am not doing you justice here, baby girl, but after a day at the zoo and then a round of golf with your Dad, I am utterly fried.

Calling you my daughter is a joy and a privilege. Congrats on your very first half-birthday, little Jules. Tomorrow you will be closer to one than to none.......and its all going by much too fast. I love you.

5!

Julia is 5 months old today!

*~*


I don't know where the time went, little one. 5 months ago I was staring at your freshly born self wondering how on earth your Dad and I managed to make a girl and reveling in your long awaited arrival.

You are a great nurser baby girl and we will likely not start solids for at least another month. You are big, and healthy, and STRONG! You love to play with your feet. You sit so well unassisted. You love your bumbo. The sling is your absolute favorite place, you love to be snuggled right up against me. Your eyes follow your brother everywhere he goes, and you withstand his barrage of kisses like a champ. You have been totally amazing on the beach ~ You will sit in your stroller in the shade and stare at the ocean for an hour or more at a time....you love laying under the umbrella and staring up at it as it blows in the breeze. You are so alert, so talkative, so sweet. Your blue eyes are so bright and beautiful. You don't have much hair, but it looks like you are going to be another blondie like your brother. You roll everywhere and will oftentimes roll yourself right across the room. I would love it if you were late to get mobile (I freely confess that two mobile, young kids terrifies me), but I just don't think that it is going to be in the cards for you ~ You seem to believe that you have places to go already and are well on your way to getting there. You are suddenly trying to grab my food off of my plate. You love to grab my face as though you are trying to kiss me whenever I pick you up. You have one dimple in your right cheek. Getting kissed on either side of your mouth makes you belly laugh. You look up at me and smile the whole time you are nursing. You are a good sleeper. When I go to get you out of your crib in the morning you start cooing and waving your arms and legs like a joyous little lunatic as soon as you see me ~ It starts out my day just right every single time. You are a joy.

1.5

Well, Kiddo of mine, you are officially 18 months old. You had your 18 month appointment today, and boy have you been busy. You weighed in at 27 lbs 15 oz and 33.75 inches tall. 84% for height, 72% for weight, and your big ole brain (head, actually) at 90%. We celebrated half-birthday-eve yesterday with a trip to the zoo with Jenny and Kelly. We took in the kids concert, then walked around and saw the animals and played in the "tree house". Today we spent the day at playgroup at Erin's pool with your friends, then a much deserved nap, your Dr's appointment, and then a great hour of swimming at the pool at our gym with your Dad and I. I feel like I will always and forever remember just how sweet, just how funny and just how stinkin loveable you are right now.........but when I need to look back at this blog from a year ago to remember how you were "then" I know that years from now all of the details of this wonderful funny little critter you are now will be so so blurry to me. Here are some of the little nuances that make you the kid that you are at 18 months.

*You are always happy. Honestly, I don't know where you got your cheerful, easygoing persona from. You shake stuff off. You don't sulk. You don't hold a grudge, or throw tantrums, or hit/grab/bite/push. When other kids might take your toys or hit you you neither run to me crying, or push them back.....you just sort of give them a look like "Dude, whats that about?". I love it.
*You eat like a champ. You eat the strangest foods with a gusto. Tilapia, king crab, scallops, sauerkraut, endamame, okra, WHATEVER it is I put in front of you you enjoy. The only exceptions to that rule are blackberries and raspberries (which is a shame, as we have a plethora of delicious ones growing on Buddy's farm right next door.)
*You are enthralled with others being "night night". When you see that Jules is asleep in her car seat you make sure to tell me (several times, at your maximum decibel level!) "Night night! Night night!" While pointing to her. If you see someone sleeping at the pool, or at the beach, you have to make sure that everyone (EVERYONE!) around knows and appreciates the fact that someone in our vicinity is "night night".
*Speaking of sleeping you do it so well little guy. You still take two naps a day. All told, you sleep for about 3.5-4 hours a day, then sleep from 7 or 7.3o until 7 am. You go to bed with a kiss and a joyful countenance. You never fight us or need any sort of rocking/routine/endless cuddling to go to sleep. When you are tired, you want to go to bed, and its great, and easy. Lately, when I say your prayers with you, you say amen along with me.
*Talking. All of a sudden you are a little parrot. You love to talk. Your sweet little raspy baby voice just melts my heart. You probably have about 30 or so words that you say regularly. My favorites are Becca and Buckle (which sound like Bec-Eck and Uck-Uck......although my attempts to phonetically spell what you say fall woefully short. You sound like a native German speaker swallowing their tongue. I don't know how else to describe it, but its darn cute).
*You love your sister without one iota of jealousy or malice. You kiss her. You baby talk her. You smile and laugh and play with her when she is in her exersaucer. When we are walking around in the double stroller I frequently look down to see you holding her hand. Sometimes seeing that brings tears to my eyes. I was so worried about how you would react to a sibling sharing your attention when you were still so young, and you have far and away exceeded my wildest hopes for how you would adjust.
*You think that "shhhh" has something to do with your nose. Instead of putting your finger in front of your lips and saying "shhhhh" you press on your nose with your finger and say "shhhhh". It makes me laugh every time.
* You love to have dance parties in the car when I am driving and a good song comes on. I only wonder what the other drivers think when they see me dancing along with you.
*You dive into the water. You love the "beach" part of the pool at our gym. You run into the water and then belly flop in, laughing all the way. You blow bubbles. You lay on your stomach with your hands on the bottom in the shallow water and kick your feet. You are brave.
*You only say "no" right before you are about to so something you know you ought not do. You say "no" then climb on the coffee table to host a dance party. You say "no" right before you throw food. Maybe its willful disobedience, but it seems more like a disclaimer. Almost as though you are saying "I know this is wrong but my little toddler self simply MUST do it anyway".
*You kiss like a European. Somehow you don't seem complete unless you kiss both cheeks.
* You nod "yes" with your entire body, not just your head. I love your enthusiasm.
* Nothing is funnier to you than being chased.
*You get so excited every time I open the freezer as you know I will give you an ice cube. The fact that you then share that ice cube with the dog used to bother me.....now its just part of your joy of ice and I have given up fighting it.
* You love love love books. You especially love your Richard Scary book at the moment. If I have to say "that's a pickle truck" another hundred times I may gouge my eyes out with boredom, but you love it.
* You love to build with blocks. You are really good at it. When you are especially proud of yourself you stand back and laugh with glee while pointing at your newest creation.
* You have found a way to make "Dat" mean three different things. "Dat?" "Dat!!!!" and "Dat Dat Dat Dat!!!!" all have distinctly different meanings.
* You love us. You love your grandparents. You love strangers. All in all, you love.
* You are so the mayor, Luke. You love to say "hi" and Bye Bye to most every person, animal, or inanimate object that you see. You are an infinitely like able kid.

Enough raving. I know I am biased. But I'm his Mom. It goes with the territory.

I cant believe that as of tomorrow morning, Luke will be closer to two than to one. It just flies by.

Kiddo, thank you so much for blessing your Dad and I with a joyful 18 months. We love you.

Uh~OH

So Luke has grasped the concept of "Uh Oh" and also learned how to say it. All Fabu developments.....except for the fact that when Luke learns anything he has the biological imperative to utilize his new skill to the max. Long story short, that means that any opportunity to say "Uh oh", whether naturally developed (a fall) or utterly fabricated (throwing his juice cup while in his highchair) justifies the use of an "Uh Oh".

I need to take a moment to laud my son. I know that all Mama's must feel this way, but man has it been hitting me lately. I have to say that I honestly think that I have the privilege of parenting one of the most fun, easygoing, hilarious kiddos on earth. I freely concede that I am biased. Luke is a gem. He sleeps, he eats, he grows, he talks and learns and rolls with the punches, he appreciates a good joke. Some days I just look at this little child of mine and honestly believe that I am not worthy of being his mother. To anyone out there who does not believe in a God.....far be it from me to say that you are wrong, but I can honestly say that the very presence of this little person in my life, this sweet little soul, teaches me every day that in my ever so egocentric opinion, not only IS there a God, but that that God is good. Luke Dawg, if you read this someday, know that your Dad and I absolutely adore you. We have "Date nights" out without you, and often find ourselves talking about how, well, cool you are, how much we love hanging out with you, how much you make us laugh. You thrill us. We still sneak into your room together on our way to bed most nights just to take a little peek at the perfection of you. Your heavy, sleepy, pink cheeked little self. We ensure, together, that you are not just a dream.

Not to leave Jules out of the equation, I may start lying about her. People don't seem to like or relate to stories of easy newborns. I officially dare say that I have another easy baby on my hands. Little girl M turned 3 weeks old today.....and this sweet little creature nurses, and sleeps, and grows, and thrives seemingly effortlessly.

Parenting two means a lot of logistics. Oftentimes it means saying no to things that I would love to do, or means that leaving the house for the afternoon takes the forethought of a CEO. Its all worth it.

Its so crazy to hear myself ~ ME! MELISSA! Queen of the path less travelled, the mistakes, the missteps, the dark days and the doubts.......Speak of "My kids". I cannot grasp that I have two little healthy, thriving children. A son and a daughter. With all of their parts. And, at the moment, happy, healthy, and thriving. I cannot even fathom that I have a husband who loves and parents his children like Nate does. He is amazing. The way that Luke's face lights up when Nate enters a room is absolutely palpable. I have to admit that it frightens me at times. Life is not about what you hope for, necessarily. Horrible things happen to wonderful people. Sometimes the bad guys win. Life isn't fair, and sometimes it takes my breath away that I have the privilege of just knowing and having a hand in creating these beautiful little people I call my kids. I don't deserve them. But man, do I love them.

In me news, I went for my first run today. Using the term "run" is generous...I don't know if its actually a word, but as I was running the term "slogging" kept coming to mind. I slogged around for maybe 2 miles. it was honestly a duel mission of getting myself some exercise while

a. Scoping out the "mom scene" in the neighborhood behind our house
and
b. Scoping out other peoples lawns/landscaping.

As to the Mom Scene.....there is a great neighborhood behind our house. This afternoon it was beautiful out ~ probably a balmy 60 and wonderful. As I ran/slogged/schlepped my poor weathered post partum body around the neighborhood of lovely suburban middle to upper class homes I was not disappointed. There was a small army of Mom's outside. All pale, and winter paunchy, and seemingly endlessly grateful for the opportunity to interact with one another while their children romped gleefully in the street. I cant wait to meet them. Ladies in the neighborhood behind our house....consider me your friendly "want to meet Mama's with kids my kids age who live within bike riding/walking/golf ball hitting distance" stalker.

As to the lawn thing.......well. An afternoon trying to play chalk and bubbles in the "yard" with Luke taught me that we are going to spend a ton of money. We own a home situated on a shale bed. We have a hard row to hoe (very literally!!) in hopes of even getting a lawn together. It is what it is. Luckily we have a park behind our house that ought to keep Luke occupied this year........but I have to confess that I have some lawn envy going on when I look around. I keep feeling the need to go plant pansies, or trees, or something............
and then I look at these two shining faces and know that right now my focus is on all that lies inside these walls. And that's okay. In fact, that's fabulous.