Laying around.

This was Jake and Luke enjoying the morning sunshine just the other day. I was missing the sunshine there for a day or two at the end of last week ~ I got sick. Fever sick. I never get fever sick. And as I lay in bed Wednesday night wide awake, sweating then freezing, I felt panic. Honest panic. I felt myself clenching my jaw. You can be sick when you have a baby. You can be sick with two toddlers, though it does get a lot harder. Being sick with two preschoolers and a young baby was terrifying. I literally felt overwhelmed. Holding Jake (the furnace) while sweating then shivering, my entire life seemed overwhelming. I felt scared. I felt totally overwhelmed. I had no idea how I was going to survive. I felt sure that I had PPD. I felt sure that perhaps I might lose my mind. I was convinced that I was probably the worst mother on earth, that I was surely ruining my children, and they were probably only a step away from lives spent in therapy and maladjustment due to my failures as a Mother.

And then I got better. Just in time too, since Nate left Saturday and is gone until Wed night. Thankfully Dee showed up with two big steaks and two big hands, and helped me get the wee ones fed and bathed and off to bed on Saturday night. Dee, you are the best! We met Amanda on Sunday morning for a great 5 mile loop in Valley Forge and an impromptu picnic lunch, then spent the afternoon with Becca at the pool. I already miss my afternoons with Bec terribly and she only went back to teaching today. I am so boring at the pool compared to the much adored Aunt Becca! This morning we got up and met Jeannie at the gym for a spin class then a morning at the pool, and spent the late afternoon at the library. Tomorrow, off to Erin's pool with her sweet boys.......Wed is playgroup, I have an evening reunion with many of my old co-workers, and then Nate is home late that night! I feel almost galvenized by my illness ~ being stuck in the house reminded me of how awfully difficult being stuck in the house actually is.

I will be honest and say that I fear fall, and germs, and long dark days stuck in the house.

I feel like with September there are some changes that I need to implement to make myself a better Mom. I have felt a little out of balance lately. I have spent too much time on the internet this summer as I nursed and was exhausted all the time. I have been in slacker cooking mode, being pretty uncreative and trite in the kitchen. I have found myself at times being way too short tempered with the kids, which I link to me not getting enough exercise. I suddenly have Jake sleeping for longer spates and a schedule evolving, and I feel creativity and energy returning to me. It's time for me to make some preemptive changes. Lookout, September.

Quickie: The other night Luke was at soccer (this is a little 45 minute weekly soccer class at our gym, nothing fancy :)). Jules was sitting on the bleachers with me while I nursed Jake. The little kids were doing a drill, kicking the ball into the net. For one second, before the drill started, the kids were sitting on the end line, waiting to start, and everything was dead silent. Suddenly, Jules YELLED "Lukie, I love you!". Luke jumped up, turned around and YELLED "I love you too, my Julia!" and sat back down, getting right back into his little soccer drill. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. I hope so much that my kids somehow don't become too "cool" to ever love one another just like they do now. Because, in my opinion, there is NOTHING as "cool" as loving your sibling exactly like that.

3 Months!

Sleeping like a.....well, like a baby.

Mom........get me out of here. They are tag teaming me with toddler "love".

The big guy is constantly the focus of both Luke and Julia's attention and affection.

So these things are MINE? All mine! All the time? Now if I could just figure out how to use them to my advantage........

A beautiful sunset on the eve of wee man's 3rd month of life reminded me of the sunset on the night before he was born. The corn was quite a bit smaller when I last walked through this field in labor.

Little Dude! 3 months already! You are a joy, with your fat cheeks and your jolly smile. You have really come into your own this month, rolling about, staying awake for much longer periods of time, and starting to sleep well! Your laugh lights up my life and I do the most embarrassing things to elicit it! You have entered that delightful hair grabbing phase as well, which is just fabulous. It has been quite a while since anyone ripped out handfuls of my hair. You also spit up more than you used to, leaving me mucho excited to jump in the shower every single night after feeling like a human burp cloth. Yum. You are an easy and efficient nurser, and you go to bed between 7 and 8, that is steadily trending earlier and earlier, which is good. You have slept through the night many times in these past few weeks, though I am more used to you getting up once or even twice a night to nurse. I think that you just kicked off another growth spurt as you seem to be eating more. You have discovered the joys of your own hands, and are a thumb sucker and hand gnawer already. I am hoping that you are a late teether like your sibs, but you have bitten me several times lately while nursing, so part of me wonders if you might bust out some chompers earlier than the dynamic duo. Luke and Julia just adore you. Their new trick is to coerce you into grabbing things. This can be fun, or traumatic, depending on how strongly they are coercing, and what the item is. Today I found them just cracking up and it was because they had gotten you to grab a postcard, and they found it quite hilarious to watch you happily gum away on it. Your schedule is starting to evolve, with 3 long naps a day at the moment. You love baths so much, and swimming in the pool keeps you grinning from ear to ear. You frog kick your fat little legs and just make me laugh with your glee at feeling the water on your body. You smell delicious. I cried packing up all of the 6 months clothes you have grown out of. But then I cried again with happiness when I went clothes shopping in the basement and pulled out your fall wardrobe (Luke's clothes) which were so laden with happy memories. I got so excited to share fall and pumpkins and all that fun with you, buddy. Thank you for three great months, little fellow. They are clicking along much too quickly, even though I savor each day.

Jake's

First foray onto a football field came at just 12 weeks old as we went to watch Uncle Rich run football camp at Garnet Valley.

He looks like a natural, eh?

Jake is over 19 lbs now, not yet 3 months old. Luke and Jules are great, we are just soaking up this last bit of summer. Back to school night in just a week! Crazy!

8.9.10

Oh how time moves on!!!

I have been a bad blogger lately ~ I feel too happy and have a hard time putting it all into words. I was so scared before having Jake ~ scared of life getting really really hard. My labor was horrible. Recovery was tough. Yet suddenly we are living the easy life again, and I feel like I am called to just soak up every moment of this. Summer, great food, great friends, a baby who is thriving and two happy preschoolers.........it just seems like too much. I have a hard time getting it into words.

I feel so grateful. All is just right with the world.

Just a quickie

So I don't forget.

Yesterday I asked Luke if he wanted a quesadilla or PB&J for lunch.

He replied ~ "Mom, can I please have couscous and salmon instead?".

A playday at the beach.

Sandy Sunday

Smalls.

Mom Mom and her buddy Jules.

Miniature Golfing was hilarious.

Movie Star Julia cools off in her "fort" during a long day on the beach.

Jake is blissfully content under the umbrella with Mom Mom.

Phase two of vacation underway this week. Mom and Dad left this morning, Brooke returns this afternoon, Nate is off all week, and Grandma and Grandpa come to visit Wed-Fri. This is the life. Happy kids and happy family.

So happy

We are at the beach for the next two weeks. Part of my vacation includes vacation from the computer.

This is Jake, flirting with his swing the day before we left home. The reason he is flirting? The batteries died about a week ago. He used to love his swing and to watch his little "friends" up above his head, spinning and making noise. When the batteries died, we realized that we didn't have any D batteries. Then Nate went away all week, and Brooke was off, which equated to no trips to the store for me with the three kids. However, I continued to put Jake in his swingless swing. For a full week the poor child laid in that swing smiling and cooing and otherwise trying to entice his "friends" to commence with the spinning and music making. I feel like I can see him wracking his little brain as he tries to figure out the trick ~ "What the HELL?????? WHAT did I used to do to make those stupid things spin and sing????". Poor guy. Watching his flirting, however, is priceless.

The other happy person is ME. Jake is now sleeping from 7-7 or so with only one wake up/nurse. I feel like a new person. Not only that, we have our favorite babysitter in the world with us Nannying here at the beach. To say that having an extra set of hands is wonderful is an understatement. I am in heaven. It makes my/our life so much more enjoyable, and Brooke could not possibly be a better fit to help out our family. We love her. The kids love her. It is awesome. We are actually managing to do some vacationing rather than simply having more work in a different place.

Even with an extra set of hands, it is simply busy busy with three kids three and under at the beach. I have started to become like my Mom Mom, who never said the right kids name at the right time. It is worse, however. The other day I referred to the boys as "Lake and Juke". It has caught on, and the kids have new nicknames.

See you in a few weeks. Happy August.