Escape.

I know that there are big SUV haters out there. To you I give a giant neener neener......because instead of having to take two cars ~ two runners, two running strollers, two women, and 4 kids in giant carseats (two rear facing two forward facing) and our food for three days, we happily piled into my giant SUV for some (tempered) Thelma and Louise styled getaway. Contrary to (some) popular belief, women CAN pack, and pack well.

This is love. I am so lucky to have a best friend whose beautiful son is sharing his childhood as part of our family. They adore one another. Julia and Henry may marry, for serious.

Luke wanted to go swimming. In March. In the chilly Atlantic. Another polar bear club member may be joining the ritual, sooner than thought.

Jake was simply wind and awe struck by the entirety of it.

This photo simply IS my Julia. I have never met such a young girl so sure of herself ~ my little one is firmly and beautifully her own spirit. She loves life, and the way that she carries herself inspires me to be my most authentic self, just as she is. Julia has mastered the art of independence coupled with a compliant and nurturing spirit. She could care less what others are doing, yet she mothers all around her in a caring and sweet way. She can be fierce, and tender, and seems to have a wonderful balance of both. She is an incredibly easy child to parent, while teaching me lessons each and every day. I love her exuberance and her individuality. She knows exactly what resonates with her, enacts it, yet still exhibits a willing and compliant spirit. I wish I could be more like her. She awes me.

Luke is getting more and more expressive and creative with his writing. This one made me get teary. This kid want's to learn, and loves to learn, with very little actual guidance from me.

I want to frame this picture. This was at the Nature Sanctuary. Something about the little fervently chasing the big just melts me. The best part was right after this shot, when Luke realized that Jake was trailing behind, and turned around and came back to his brother and put his arm around him. I don't know how in the hell we are doing it, but somehow we have been blessed with children who really, really love one another. They make parenting very easy.

It was a wonderful three days in Cape May. We lucked out weather wise, catching an impossibly nice few days considering it is early March. We had to get out of dodge as Jakes room and the boys bathroom are getting painted, so it seemed easiest to simply escape. Jeannie and I didn't stop talking for a second (even when we ought to have, somewhere near the 322 exit, ahem).......and our kids had a great time playing outside in the wonders that the beach provides. I will say that this is just getting easier and easier ~ my kids entertain one another, meals are less messy, the walks are long without tired legs or double strollers, and things are just rolling. We have a long Memorial Day weekend planned, a week over the 4th of July, and the last week of July into August planned at the beach. Prior to that I hope to get down a lot in April and May, given the newfound ease of it.

I feel like I've been complainey again lately, and I apologize. I am an anxious person. I am a planner. To a T. I like things neat. I need a plan. I'm not the best at just "going with the flow".......I have always gotten frustrated by these attributes in myself, but lately I am seeing the upside. The kids are on a schedule, and the schedule means that they know what to expect, and are comfortable and secure within their world. I know what to expect, and can manipulate it when necessary to meet our needs or allow for exciting adventures. Of course they can be annoying at times, the "mom, Mom, MOM!" thing can drive me mental, but in general they are incredibly easy children. I am so proud of the way that they interact with one another, with other kids, and with other adults. I'm proud of the fact that they don't need me all day long, they rely on one another more than I could have hoped. I love the way that they love their little brother, and include him in their adventures. All in all my heart is very full tonight, so full that it is quieting my anxious mind which wants to worry about tomorrow (with a sick husband with strep) and a party to host. It will all be good. And I'll tell you what, I tend to be a bit of a scrooge about parties in general, but I could not be happier that we are having this (tiny, family only) birthday party for my Julia. She is beside herself with excitement.

To share a totally stupid aside, I let her pick her cake. We love the cakes from Clays Bakery, and they have a ridiculous on line gallery of photos. I promised her she could pick whatever she wanted. I cringed as I saw the cakes. Princesses, Princesses, tiara's, and more princesses. Laying down princesses, standing up princesses. Suddenly Jules screamed "THAT IS THE CAKE I WANT! SUPERGIRL!!!!!!!!".

So my darlin has a supergirl cake. As much fun as I would have had cutting into the face of some snowy white Disney princess, instead I get to cut into a gigantic "S" with wings. Jules, you are my supergirl, and I'm proud to know you. I immediately went on line and broke our "one birthday present" rule............I'm a rule breaker after all, and ordered her a wonder woman costume. So tomorrow at her (tiny!) family celebration my girl gets her supergirl cake, and gets to open her wonder woman costume. Next week we will go pick out her "real" present, a bike, but until then, I simply feel very content with where these kids of ours are. They are doing just fine. It seems, that SO FAR, we have managed to not screw em up, in fact, they are exceeding my expectations by leaps and bounds.

Getaways are great. End of story.

So happy

We are at the beach for the next two weeks. Part of my vacation includes vacation from the computer.

This is Jake, flirting with his swing the day before we left home. The reason he is flirting? The batteries died about a week ago. He used to love his swing and to watch his little "friends" up above his head, spinning and making noise. When the batteries died, we realized that we didn't have any D batteries. Then Nate went away all week, and Brooke was off, which equated to no trips to the store for me with the three kids. However, I continued to put Jake in his swingless swing. For a full week the poor child laid in that swing smiling and cooing and otherwise trying to entice his "friends" to commence with the spinning and music making. I feel like I can see him wracking his little brain as he tries to figure out the trick ~ "What the HELL?????? WHAT did I used to do to make those stupid things spin and sing????". Poor guy. Watching his flirting, however, is priceless.

The other happy person is ME. Jake is now sleeping from 7-7 or so with only one wake up/nurse. I feel like a new person. Not only that, we have our favorite babysitter in the world with us Nannying here at the beach. To say that having an extra set of hands is wonderful is an understatement. I am in heaven. It makes my/our life so much more enjoyable, and Brooke could not possibly be a better fit to help out our family. We love her. The kids love her. It is awesome. We are actually managing to do some vacationing rather than simply having more work in a different place.

Even with an extra set of hands, it is simply busy busy with three kids three and under at the beach. I have started to become like my Mom Mom, who never said the right kids name at the right time. It is worse, however. The other day I referred to the boys as "Lake and Juke". It has caught on, and the kids have new nicknames.

See you in a few weeks. Happy August.

DC

We had a great time walking around downtown, taking the kids to the monuments, and taking in a Nova/MD game at the Verizon center. Luke kept screaming "YAY, BASKETBALL!!!" during the game, and turned to me, astonished, saying "MAMA, SOMETIMES THEY MISS, JUST LIKE ME!" We got to see Obama's motorcade as he whizzed from Capitol hill back to the White House after lobbying for the passage of the health care bill in the Senate. Whatever happens with all of this health care stuff, kiddos, you caught a slight glimpse of American history in action.

On Monday, Nate worked and I was lucky enough to have lunch with Tamara (due in April) and then spend a leisurely afternoon with Christine (due in Feb) while Ronan and my kids slept the afternoon away. We went out to dinner that night ~ Odj was working so it was Nate, Christine, myself, Luke, Ronan, Julia, and two babies in utero. It was SO Big Love. 5 kids under 3, counting those not yet born but very visibly on the way. I think that Nate rather liked the attention and being the head of our pseudo Mormon family for the evening. ;)

I managed to NOT invade the Pentagon (though I came too close for my liking when trying to find Pentagon City Mall ~ I had visions of how I was going to tearfully have to explain to armed soldiers that I was not a terrorist, just a frazzled PA pregnant Mom dealing with the very confusing DC roads while two kids sang the ABC's at the top of their lungs and every time my GPS told me to make a left Luke started screaming "NO MAMA! A RIGHT! MAKE A RIGHT! I WANT TO GO RIGHT MAMA!").

In new baby news I had a great midwife appointment today ~ 16 weeks now and feeling fabulous. Baby didn't even try to hide from us this time and we got to hear its little heartbeat kicking along at 140 bpm. As I lay in Luke's bed reading to them before naps this afternoon, Trey was kicking me and I had Luke on one side with his legs tangled around me and Julia laying on my arm tapping my belly with her foot. We were like an octopus ~ 8 legs flailing around in one bed. It was awesome. I will never, ever, get enough of baby kicks. I honestly feel so lucky to be a woman and do feel a bit badly for men that they will never get to feel the beginnings of life inside of them. Magical is an understatement.

I feel caught up from our trip ~ after 6 loads of laundry, 140 Christmas cards out the door, and getting the house back together it has simply been a long week. Nate is off on his last trip before Christmas and both kids are tucked safely into bed. Me, my ice cream, and Carrie Bradshaw are tucked into bed as well.

Vacation, week two.

Julia helps landscape by deadheading the flowers.

Luke and Elmo get cozy on the Mall. Luke was beside himself with joy as he encountered Elmo, Hello Kitty (ugh) and a bubble machine all in one place. Who knew?

Pop Pop decided to teach the kids how to do push ups. I don't know why a two and a one year old might need to do push ups, but they are now prepared if a push up crisis arises.

All those push ups make a kid want some ice cream. Julia turned into an attraction on the mall, gathering her own crowd of strangers who marveled at her ability to turn ice cream into a full body sticky suit. Magic.

Aunt Becca and I gave Luke's locks a much needed trim.

Julia practiced her "Jazz Hands" in the garden while Luke looked distinctly uncomfortable at the idea of being photographed in his incredibly stylish Mickey Mouse underwear.

Once the kids had tackled push ups, Pop Pop shared his mad computer skillz with them.

Mom Mom gave a horsey ride ~ one kid per knee in the back yard.

Vacation, week one

My boys atop the giant Ferris Wheel in Wildwood at sunset.

Julia, fearless animal and bug lover, examines the bait (bunker) while crabbing. Her curly blond mullet melts me.

Nate and Luke crabbing.

Julia and Luke enjoy the rides. They laughed the entire way around.

Julia was not laughing while Mom tried to explain to her why Luke was riding the Helicopter without her. She was not tall enough...she was not pleased. Next year, baby girl.

Luke. Helicopter.

Burying a kid just never gets old, does it?

Some Pics

Some pics I stole from my Mom's camera.

Luke is potty trained. Jules appears to finally be weaning. Huge milestones. I went to the beach with a nursing baby and two in diapers, and will be coming home with one in diapers and one who (might) be finally done nursing.

We have sand firmly lodged in every wrinkle. Tomorrow is our last beach day. As wonderful as these long summer days are, I find myself daydreaming of fall and preschool and routine and my girlfriends who I miss. I plan to savor our last day, and then welcome heading home to reality.

Hurricane Hunker

The kids are sleeping, and I am about to crawl into bed for one of those luscious cloudy day at the beach naps. The ocean is so rough due to a hurricane offshore that they have closed the ocean to keep swimmers safe, so we are all enjoying a day of rest from the beach.

We had a fantastic first week of vacation. Long days on the sunny beach, 80 degree water, lots of bike rides and runs and big dinners and kids sharing a nap in the stroller for several hours of blissed out peace on the beach every day sort of days. Many sand castles smashed and seagulls chased and waves jumped. We spent one wild night in Wildwood, where I got to watch my two kids ride the rides side my side as they cracked up at everything and anything. Wildwood is like a foreign country, I felt like I should have gotten a stamp in my passport crossing over the bridge from Cape May. My neck still hurts from constant swiveling and gawking and delighted/horrified disbelief at the general sights and sounds. Getting in at 5 and out by 8 seems to be the secret to the entire family having a great time. It was a perfect night.

The kids get worn out from the long days on the beach, Jules slept almost 14 hours last night AFTER both her and Luke took a 4 hour nap yesterday afternoon. We took them crabbing yesterday morning and it was awesome to watch them wandering around in the water pulling up our crab traps and delighting in the seaweed and rocks and old nasty rope they found in the water.

We are going to actively give the whole potty training thing a go with Luke this week. He is accident free when allowed to roam the world naked.....but I think that underwear feels too much like his cloth diapers, and he has accidents while in underwear. So, we are going to just give it a go, starting this morning. We will see. The idea of him starting preschool potty trained is very appealing to me. Anyone with tips feel free to comment, or email or call me or just send me xanax or something. You know me, two hours and three pairs of underwear into it and I was already frustrated ;) Luckily Mom is here to keep me calm and to reassure me that a kid who can use the potty without accidents all day long is, indeed, ready to potty train. Wish us luck. No pictures until I get home as my laptop had a very expensive accident which will.not.be.talked.about.

As requested.

I got six emails or facebook messages asking me what sort of veggies/quantities/whatnot we actually got each week from the CSA (this does not include the fruit share), so I decided to provide a literal example based on what we got yesterday. See what I mean about liking to cook?

No one requested pics of my poor sweet (sweet enough to eat, apparently) daughters mosquito bites, but here is a pic of a paltry few of the bites. Last night my dear darling much loved friend since 9th grade Jen was in town from MN with her astonishingly beautiful and sweet children. We brought the kids along so that they could take advantage of seeing their "cousins" Will and Julia, who they have not seen in a year. We had no idea that sweet Jules was being eaten alive as she romped in the grass with Mike, Will, Nate and Luke. Luke had not one single bite, while Jules has 24 (who else would quantify the actual number of ravishes but a Mother?). Hey skeeters? I HATE YOU AND I WILL LAUGH WHEN IT GETS COLD AND YOU SHRIVEL AND DIE!

In other news, I am officially a mom-who-does-things-fast. In much the same way that I procrastinated writing papers until the last minute in college, I leave off packing until the last minute in motherhood. I have officially packed up the kids and myself in 20 minutes for the next two weeks at the beach. The beauty of the kids getting older is that we literally need few things: some clothes, some diapers, some sippy cups, and a giant dose of patience. We get the vacation off to a raging start with a 2 hour drive to go to a water park with 25+ cousins and grandparents and family tomorrow....only to drive 2 hours back home, sleep, and drive 2 hours to the beach the next morning. I am interested to see what it is like taking a 2 and 1 year old to a water park when we arrive at 11 am, given the fact that my kids generally sleep from 12.30 to 3.30 every day. A learning opportunity which I am sure I will report on. I can't wait to see everyone tomorrow, and I can't wait to be at the beach for the next two weeks.

I am longing for the respite of the beach, August has been wrought with travel galore and I am anxious to put the keys to the car away, forego the gym, and the pool, and play dates, and settle in for some fun and food and family.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jog.

I am home. Nate is still in FL, and will be until Friday evening. It was a great trip.

I was the weird person who stood too close to other travellers or hotel guests with children. I stared at all of the babies we encountered, and made up reasons to talk about the kids with strangers. Nate and I talked about them every hour or two, bringing up some funny saying of Luke's or what they were likely doing at that moment.

The first time I got teary was on the plane on the way down. I have admitted once or twice to having a slight authority problem. For some reason having to wear my seat belt on an airplane always thoroughly annoyed me. I mean, odds are that if the plane is going down, I have bigger worries than whether or not my seatbelt is securely fastened. I used to put blankets over my lap, and have actually directly lied to stewardesses in the past when they would ask me if my seat belt was fastened. Mature, eh? I really showed them. :) Anyway. We hit some turbulence on the flight, and the fasten seat belt sign came on. I rushed to fasten mine, and the realization of just WHY I hastened to do so brought tears to my eyes. I really really want to see my kids grow up. I had this one brief moment of "WHAT AM I DOING HERE ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN TO ME ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN TO THEM, THEY NEED ME I NEED THEM!". I calmed myself down by remembering that anything could happen to me, or to them, at any moment of any given day, regardless of where I am. I am not in control. It just continues to amaze me how much kids change you. In the past few weeks I went to the dermatologist to get a full body check for skin cancer, and also just both found a primary doctor and had my first physical in at least 10 years. It's about nothing more than realizing that I really, really, hope to be around for a good long time to see just who these little people turn out to be.

We talked about the kids a lot. We called home a lot. Getting texted pics of the kids from my Dad thrilled me. I loved knowing stupid details like what they were wearing or where they were going that day...........However, we also played two rounds of fabulous golf (Calusa Pines) is probably my favorite course I have ever played, eclipsing even Sawgrass). We saw alligators, a bobcat, a Bald Eagle, snakes and more. We had great meals and some time with friends. We spent an afternoon at the pool, and a full day on the sun soaked beach. We spent Mother's Day in the spa together. I read two books. We slept till past 8. We had quiet meals where I didn't have to get up from the table 20 times, or mop the entire floor at the end of them. I never forget how much I love and need my husband, but to simply have four full days to have fun with him without distraction was wonderful, and necessary. I came home refreshed.

It took all of my willpower not to climb into bed with Luke last night, but I knew my motives were selfish. Instead I heard "Hi, Mama!" at 5.45 when my warm little boy climbed into bed with me and threw his arms around me. We cuddled up in my bed and I just got to drink in the smell and feel of him as we went back to sleep wrapped up together. Jules started laughing when I went into her bedroom. She went right back to nursing, so I suppose I am not very good at weaning. She just was not quite ready yet, and I believe in following her lead. So, we nurse.

Big thank yous to Brooke, Carolyn, Becca and Rich, and Mom and Dad for your help with the kids. Thank you for loving them and for being so important to them, and to us. Clearly they thrived under your care.

Get Away

We are at the beach. Jules in Luke's old crib, Luke in the bed. Being here, I think back to last summer at the beach ~ nursing all the time, opposite nap schedules and the trials of two babies in cribs, and life feels very easy right now in comparison. Its simply amazing how quickly life/phases/trials come and go with babies. Not that they ever really go I suppose, they are just replaced with new phases and trials. I was just emailed this pic from a friend who took it last spring~ I was at Jeannie's wedding shower and Nate had both babies for the first time. He had Jules in the bjorn and Luke running around at a friends kid's lacrosse game. Big day for Dad. I can't believe that this little thing is almost one! We are simply hunkering down and relaxing down here ~ had a great breakfast at the Mad Batter this morning and are going to cook up a feast of seafood tonight. Its been nice getting away from the phone/computer/chaos that is home.

Luke sings now. We have been listening to two CD's from Laurie Berkner for a few weeks in the car. "Bootie Bootie Ya Ya Ya" and "This is me, this is me, this is me and my energy" seem to be my new theme music. Sexy. For whatever reason, those two songs in particular caught on with Luke and we sing them all.day.long. I love hearing his raspy little boy voice sing. He has changed me. I have the worlds worst singing voice (actually, my brother and I are probably neck and neck on that one ;)) and generally become a bit physically ill at the idea of having to sing in public.....but the joy of hearing Luke sing has me walking around singing all the time lately. Its embarrassing, but worth it. I am becoming a (bigger) dork at such a rapid pace its beginning to frighten me.

MARCH is almost here and I am so excited. Spring, baby, spring.

Vacation is hard work.

I need a vacation from vacation. We just got home from a wonderful time at the beach. I never knew how mentally and physically exhausting vacation could be. While our time at the beach was filled with fantastic memories and long days spent on the beach, it was also probably the worst nights of sleep I have had since entering into this whole motherhood gig. The family M was all sleeping in one bedroom and man is that tough with two kids so young. Julia is not a fan of her pack and play, and would wake up sometime between 11.30 and 1.30 every night. As soon as I heard her first squeak I leapt out of bed to snatch her up so that she didn't wake up Luke. We then spent the remainder of the night snuggling together on the giant couch. Luke, who always sleeps till 7, was up at 6 every day. I'm building up a giant stash of milk for our vacation in October, so I was up pumping every morning at 5.30 so that I could have that done with before Luke woke up. Early mornings get old fast. I now fully understand why God, in his infinite wisdom, saw fit to bestow fabulous sleepers upon me. I just don't like not getting sleep, and have no idea how other Moms endure weeks or even months of that with their babies.

Motherhood is incredibly physically demanding. The days when Nate was away I was pushing the jogging stroller through the sand with 17 or 18 lb Jules in the sling, my giant backpack on my back, and umbrellas, towels, sand toys etc....crammed into or under or on top of every square inch of the stroller. Who needs the gym when you have kids? I now look back on the family vacations of my childhood with a whole new level of gratitude towards my parents. They were lugging three of us around! Having fun and creating memories for your children is a lot of work.

Bullet points:

*We went to Wonderland pier in Ocean City one night. It was a fabulous night that I hope I never forget. We had Mack n Mancos pizza, Johnson's caramel corn, went on the rides (Luke and Jules first spin on the merry go round!)and Luke attracted a crowd of onlookers as he ate his very first vanilla custard with rainbow jimmies. I have never seen him enjoy anything like he did that ice cream cone. The mess was totally worth it.
*We had a fantastic Billings-DiLullo reunion. I love my sister cousins and only wish that you all lived on the East Coast again! Max and Luke had fun while Julia and Reese rolled around on a blanket.
*We went and spent a fun night on the dock looking at the boats as we awaited Pete's arrival. He was fishing in the Mid Atlantic $500,000 and caught three White Marlin that day. Luke loves boats, and he loves birds, two things that there are no shortage of in a marina.
*Luke dug more holes and smashed more castles than I thought possible. He learned to chase seagulls. He saw a live conch. He caught little crabs with his Pop Pop. He swam in the ocean every day.
*Julia got to hang out with two babies born the same week as her. Alexandria was born one day before her, and Reese 4 days after. Lots of gummy grins all around.
*We took long walks up on the boardwalk every morning.
*The kids got spoiled with attention from my parents and Becca and Pete. Every morning Luke popped his little head up in his crib saying "Pop Pop? Mom Mom? Bec-Eck? Da Da? Ma Ma?". Now that we are home and Nate is away I feel horribly boring and woefully incapable of providing the fun that Luke got accustomed to at the beach. Its just me this week, kid.
*Julia loves the beach. She was wonderful and relaxed and easy anytime she was there. She simply nursed, and napped, and rolled around, and stared at the ocean or the umbrella for hours on end. Her being so easy and happy and self entertained made my days a lot more fun.
*Luke loooooooved the construction site next door. Years from now as he is enjoying the new home that my parents are building I will be able to tell him that he ran through the walls as a baby.

I miss the beach already. I loved seeing my children enjoy one of my favorite places on earth. Big thanks to my parents and sister and brother, who all endured the noise and chaos (and joy!) that two wonderful little babies bring where ever they go.

Co sleeping no more

We just got back from a wonderful few days at the beach. Considering our kids are only 13 months apart and still so young we got lucky with this summers timing. Luke is at a great age where he loves the water but has some respect for those noisy intimidating waves, and at 4 months Jules is not yet crawling so she cant get herself over to the sand to shove handfuls into her mouth. It has made for some lovely long days on the beach, and very tired kiddos come nighttime.

Julia has officially spent the last two nights in her crib. My little girl is growing up. No more sleeping snugly next to Mom and nursing at will all night long. It was just time. Time for me, time for her. I miss her little body next to me, but at the same time I like this step of independence for her. The first night she was stellar, sleeping from 7.30 PM till 5 am, nursing, and then going back to sleep till 7.30. Last night.......not so much. I put her to bed around 8.30, but was walking the long lonely path to her room at 11.30, 3.30, and 4.30. Ugh. I know that we likely still have a couple more of those sorts of night ahead of us until she gets used to it, but that's okay. I like getting to look at her sweet little face as we rock in the quiet dark nursery. Some day these kids of mine will be all grown up and not need me at night, and while that will be wonderful, I will miss the feeling of a sweet heavy sleepy warm baby in my arms. They grow up too fast, they really do.

Speaking of growing up, little Man started swim lessons this morning. Sir Luke can officially blow bubbles, jump in the pool to me, and "swim" on his belly while kicking his feet (while I hold him, of course). I was so proud of him! After class we spent a good 45 minutes playing in the pool. It was a wonderful way to start our morning.