Sunday night.

Ah, Sunday. We have a nice Sunday routine these days, sleep in as late as we can (which means 6:30 for me lately as Jake is cutting 3 molars.....the good news is that I grab him up, come downstairs, light the fire, play on pinterest and nurse him while he sleeps in my arms for an hour until the kids wake around 7:30). We eat then head to the gym as a family, where Nate and I do Kettlebells together, then usually we come home for lunch and naps and football. Since Nate is going to be away for the next week, we had a treat today and headed to Iron Hill after the gym for a long brunch. Eating out as a family is pretty much getting to the enjoyable place again, rather than the tortuous place. The one great thing about Nate's school is that it really truly makes us treasure our family time, and just suck every lovely moment out of it when we get it. The kids took huge naps (till 4) as I did some organizing projects, slept, and Nate studied.

It has been a good week. Getting back into the swing of things feels wonderful. The kids have felt easy, Nate is studying, I am seeing friends and working out, and all feels well with the world. We even snuck out for a date night with friends this past week which was wonderful. Nate leaves at about 5 am for his annual rewards trip to PR, comes home thursday night, then is at school Friday and Saturday. I've been hesitant to write about this as I am afraid that it might come across as mean or weird, but in some ways, we are officially at the point where it seems easier when Nate is out of town. Please understand, my husband is my very best friend and the love of my life. Of course many things are easier when we are coparenting. BUT.......in some ways, it is just easier when the kids and I can just play it loose and fast, can fly by the seat of our pants, the kids can be loud in the house as Nate isn't working, I have less laundry and less (self imposed) pressure to cook big fancy family dinners. In some ways it is easier to know that it is all on me, rather to want or expect a bunch of help that Nate is simply unable to consistently give due to his studying.

Certain things get, well, messed up when Nate is home. A prime example was a morning a couple of weeks ago. We had recently switched the bigs up from sippie cups to regular cups. We had picked up a batch of multicolored plastic cups from Ikea. Every morning we have a routine, while I pour my coffee I let the kids pick a cup. Whatever color they want, as long as they are different. These are their cups for the day. On this particular morning, I had eaten, made oatmeal, gotten the kids their food, Nate came downstairs and I went upstairs to get dressed and to get the kids clothes laid out. As I was upstairs, I heard Nate yell at Jules to get upstairs. She came up, heaving sobbing (unlike my Jules, who is fairly stoic). I ran downstairs to ask Nate what was going on (sending a kid upstairs during breakfast is a huge deal as we are on a very time defined schedule due to school in the morning, so actually works against us, rather than for us). He was upset, saying that Julia had refused to drink and had gotten upset about the color of her cup. I paused. He said "WHAT? You wouldn't let her pull that kind of thing over a cup!". And I had to take a deep breath. He was right......except, Nate didn't know the deal. He couldn't have. He didn't know that I let the kids have this control over this simple, easy thing, and had picked and poured cups for them. I knew that I had to tread carefully in my response, because he was right, in no way would I have tolerated drama about something......unless. Unless Jules was right to feel wronged, because I had set a level of expectation and control about them picking their cups. I told Nate the deal. Of course he felt frustrated, because it is always frustrating as a parent to be out of the loop, or to realize that you made a parenting decision that was ultimately in line with our methods, yet wrong in the actual instance. He was frustrated, and felt like I was correcting him. I was sad that Jules was upset, and that Nate was upset, and that I had utter clarity on what exactly went down, but didn't really know how to rectify the situation. As awkward as it was, I asked Nate to apologize to Julia. Julia simply wanted her little world as she knew it, and was right to feel wronged when she didn't get her usual choice. He didn't do anything wrong, of course, but to not know the routine. And of COURSE he couldn't have known the routine, because so much of the time, he simply isn't a part of it. This is all new to us. We are used to sharing the load, to being on the same page, to pretty seamlessly understanding the rules and boundaries. Suddenly, that just isn't so, by necessity.

It is an interesting transition. It takes some pauses on my part (pauses are not my strong point, for sure........I'm very reactionary). Ultimately all of this is great........change is good, growth is good......but transition is hard. When I am getting so used to solo parenting, it takes a mindful transition to allow Nate back into the loop, if that makes sense. It may sound jerky, but that is so not how I mean it. It just is what it is. I almost have to physically remind myself to allow him his role, but also to not expect much of him beyond what he can do due to time constraints (i.e tonight he is on his weekly call with school...the kids can hear him, can know he is home, but he can't go kiss them goodnight after I read to them). That is weird, and hard to explain to kids, sometimes. In some ways it is easier to just say "Daddy is in *wherever*".

Anyway, its a juggling act, for sure. I marvel at the changes in our lives, sometimes, and keep my mind on the prize.........life is going to feel so easy once school is over! The new reality is one that I have accepted, without reservation or regret....just some readjustment as we go. I feel sorry for Nate sometimes, and feel sorry for myself sometimes, and feel sorry for the kids occasionally.....but ultimately I know that this is all for good. Elasticity is important and grows us, as individuals and as a unit.

Time capsule, and routine.

After a relatively relaxing holiday, it was a shittastic re-entry into real life. Luke got a high fever on Sunday. Monday morning found him not at school with his sister, but at the Pedi with a diagnosis of a double ear infection and strep throat. With a 104 fever, my poor man was listless and wan. He is such my big boy that I forget what a baby he still is in many ways, being sick reinforces this. I can't really complain, this is our first illness since last Spring, and thankfully he actually got through the holidays healthy....but it started off the whole "Get back into the swing of things" with a definite limp.

Sunday and Monday I didn't leave the house but to take Luke to the Dr. Tuesday I let him watch a show and snuck out with Jake and Jules to work out (Nate was working at home, obvs), but was home the rest of the day. I have to tell you, for a "Stay at home Mom" I completely and totally hate staying at home. I mean, I super hate it. I stink at it. I don't like it. We NEED to be out on the move, because being home is incredibly hard. The problem? Sweet Jake. The bigs are at such a wonderful age ~ pretty much all they want to do is puzzles and games and art projects.....I really think that they could go weeks without TV and not miss it. But. But there is this gigantic 19 month old who thinks he is 3 and wants to be involved in EVERYTHING.......and involvement looks a lot like Godzilla, at this point. It is illegal to cage him. Duct tape is unethical. So I'm a bit at a loss. Jake thinks that I am cool amazing when he wants to nurse, or when I am working hard to cook dinner, or at bed and nap or grocery shopping time.....but the rest of the day I am a distant third to his sibs. He loves them. And they love him. But I don't love the dilemma that all of this love presents. Jake tries to play, he does, but he simply lacks the mastery to do a 60 piece puzzle, he doesn't really understand "share" when it comes to coloring books, and he destroys games.

Anyway, after three days in the house I was pacing around like a caged beast.

Luke, my sweet Luke, was feeling it a bit too. He went straight from sick mode into impossible mode. And all felt ugly. I felt ugly, the kids seemed like jerks, and my job felt impossible hard. I felt off kilter and a little lost in my own life/routine. I cried Wednesday and Thursday night as I went to bed, feeling sure that I was ruining my children and probably myself as well.

Friday. Ah, Friday. Nate is back at school. I got up and had a lovely morning with the kids. I was driving them to school and rooting around in my center console.....and lost my breath when I discovered my CAMERA! It has been lost since August. I had given up, and as a new one isn't in the budget right now, resigned myself to awful indoor photos courtesy of iPhone. This was good, this was really good. I took the kids to school, then met friends for a 6 mile run. After 5.5 miles in the cold, Jake had had enough, and was screaming. To the car we went, then to the grocery store. I hadn't been in almost two weeks, which was a record. I got through everything, then remembered that I needed yeast. Because I am a glutton for punishment, I decided recently to begin baking bread from scratch. Not quick breads, which we make weekly, but real bread. If you know me you know what a terrible awful masochistic endeavor this is. I hate being exact, and baking is all about being exact. Anyway. I forgot the dang yeast. So back to aisle 10 I went. While I was pawing through the yeasts trying to find the type I needed, Jake reached back into the cart and upended a dozen eggs. They went flying up in the air. One landed on the floor. 11 landed in my cart. I spent 2 hours unpacking and washing those damn groceries. But as I stood there, raw egg all over my hand, and my baby, and my food, I just started to laugh. This was egg. Just some damn egg. This was not leukemia. This was not "a mass". This was a baby who got egg all over my stuff. My stuff which I am so lucky to be able to procure. Just stuff. Stuff that washes off. So, in that moment of mess, I refound my center. I'm not ruining my kids. I'm not terrible at this (just moderately bad). I was off balance, is all. Reentry from Nate being off is really no different than reentry from vacation....and both are the suck. We had a lovely afternoon at the gym (where I finished my run with another 6 miles), a peaceful and easy dinner and an hour of "loud time!" in the kitchen after dinner. We laughed a lot. I felt myself take my first true deep breath since New Years. I snuggled down with the kids as they watched a show, and we made grand plans for a pizza dinner and ice cream and easel painting for family night on Saturday when Nate gets home. I apologized to them for being frazzled. They forgave me with graciousness and giggles. And I tucked myself into bed at 8:30, with a joyful sigh.

In time capsule news, I plugged my camera in, eager to solve the mystery of when it was lost. There was just one new photo on it, and this was it. Can you guess? It was Nate's first day of school, back in the first week of August. He was leaving for almost a week for his intensive. I had forgotten making him a special little breakfast of eggs and toast and fruit....and my pounding nervous heart.....and this picture brought it all rushing back. Ironic, that this is when it was lost. In a sense, that was the day that everything changed. It is all good change, but damn is it change. When I get down on myself I need to give myself some grace ~ we are over 20% done this adventure, but we are deep, deep in this thing. My job is extra hard right now, and I have to remember that feeling like a failure is unfortunately going to happen, especially during this time of bearing an extra load (just like Nate is). We are going back to daily yoga afternoons, to more books, to less cleaning on my part, and easier dinners. When it all feels too big I need to remember that the power to make it smaller lies with me.

I feel balanced again, and ready to go. And I already hate bread making. I have my first "yeast sponge" in the fridge just waiting for me to mess it up today :) And yes, that sounds unfathomably gross.

Thursdays.

This was my project last night. I got rid of two full trashcans full of stuff, and organized everything else. We are moving this from a playroom to an art room this Christmas, and hoping to move a few toys or lego type things up to the kids bedrooms.

My friday night dates when Nate is at school :)

Nate and I have not seen one another in a while. Nate took the kids to school last Friday morning, I came home Monday night at 9, he left Tuesday morning at 5:30, he got home last night (thurdsay) at 9, he left this morning at 7. He will be home tomorrow night (Saturday) around 5........which means we miss one another terribly.

This brings up the concept of schedules. My sister (with a newborn) asks me about schedules frequently: WHEN DO THEY HAVE THEM? I remember having one baby. I still viscerally remember his schedule. I remember having two babies, and manipulating their nap schedules with much luck......and I know that I am going to forget this having three kids this year (at 4.5, 3.5 and 17 months) schedule very vaguely. So, for posterities sake, here it is.

Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays: Bigs have preschool. Leave at 8:50. Drop off both by 9:15. Either go to gym or run errands or meet friends for sanity time. Pick up bigs at 11:40. Race home for lunch. Feed three (if Jake stayed awake). Put three to bed. Indulge in 2-3 hours of free time to nap, cook dinner, run errands or run (if Nate is home) climb in the tub, or argue on the internet,, depending on my/our needs.

Alternative: Jake falls asleep en route to pick up bigs.....Jake naps in car, I feed bigs while he naps in car in garage, and he wakes around 2:30. These are the hard days as I don't get much of a break and Jake is a pain in the neck come dinnertime.

Tuesdays: Go to gym. Kids have (free) t-ball, kids creative center, and game room. Have to pack Luke's lunch prior to leaving at 9. Leave gym at 11:15, to drop Luke off for lunch bunch/enrichment (his afternoon preschool). Wake up (grumpy) Jake and Jules at 2:40, pick up Luke, pick up CSA, go to playground, go home and cook dinner.

Thursday: Thursdays are the awesome day, as no one has school. That translates to going to the gym, the kids having kickball, creative center, and then taking everyone straight home (we live 1/2 mile from the gym) so they can all sleep for a good three hours of nap. This is my awesome day.

Saturdays depend ~ if Nate is at school we roll into the gym or see friends or do some community activity then head home for a lunch of leftover pizza, naps, and a countdown to seeing Daddy. If Nate is home, we do yard stuff, family stuff, or are out of town.

Sundays also depend ~ Nate is always home ~ so we usually go out to breakfast as a family, I head to the gym with the kids while Nate studies, and then Nate and I get to watch the first game together like the old days while the kids nap (THIS IS GREAT!) ......then Nate studies and we eat big. Sometimes Nate and I play golf....though that is getting more rare as winter is upon us.

Mornings? Most days Luke arrives in our room first, usually around 6:45. He climbs right in our bed (my side is near the door) and I love him to pieces. Many days I wake up before him and go downstairs for computer time, coffee, and general awakening. Jules usually gets up around 7:15. We read books, or they play, or they help me start breakfast (generally whole oats with raisins and bananas and flax seed come fall....yogurt and peanut butter toast and fruit are our alternates). They start eating around 8, when I go and wake up Jake. I nurse him while I play some more on the computer and talk to the kids. Put Jake in his seat to eat and go get dressed and lay out the clothes for the bigs while Jake devours his oatmeal and yogurt and fruit. Kids and I are dressed, so I go downstairs and get Jake dressed. We leave.

Afternoons: Depends on Nate's deal. If he is out of town we either have friends over, go to a friends house, cook, or go to the gym. We (seasonally) play outside, but now with everyone waking up around four our options are limited. This is the season when we tend to cook a lot, if Nate is home. The kids love to cook. We make muffins, or bread, or cookies, or prep dinner. Hence, my expanding waistline.

We eat as a family for all of our meals, Nate here or not. I love sitting around the table with these 3 little people :).

Post dinner I/we clean up while the kids go wild (they are very annoying during this time, for serious.. I'm tired and impatient) . Every other day we give them a shower (you would not believe how cute Jake is walking around the shower like a big guy), on the shower days, I let the kids watch a show ~ put Jake to bed ~ then do something like a puzzle or a game before letting them watch one more show. The general on demand line up that the bigs are into these days is one Berenstein Bears, and one Scooby Doo episode. If we shower, I put Jake right to bed (this baby sleeps from 6:45 till 8 am...........without a wimper) and the bigs get to watch two shows or part of a movie from 7 until 8 when they go to bed. We brush, read (we are into chapter books, these days).........we are reading the Magic Treehouse series and are on book 6.

This is life, at the moment. Schedule holds us all together without a ton of difficulty! The bigs dress themselves. They handle their bathroom needs independently. I do Jules hair. I cook for them. I nurse Jake. THEY NAP. My life is really pretty easy...........but don't tell anyone.

Falling into routine

October first!

I can hardly believe it. We experienced our first truly cold morning and blustery chilly day today on the first of October. Luke and Jules came in from playing with runny noses and pink cheeks and smelling like crisp air and woodsmoke. Fall is really upon us.

Life is settling into a lovely rhythm. Luke is in school Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I drop him off a bit before 9 and head straight to the gym with Jules. A workout and some relaxing in the cafe, then my girl and I go on one errand running date. Doing ANYTHING with just one child vs. two toddlers is so much easier, and so much fun. She is a delight, and I think that the one on one time is really good for her. I don't know exactly when Julia became so much easier ~ but she did and I feel the need to sing her praises. After being in a bit of a clingy/demanding place this spring she has completely come into her own. Her sense of humor has really developed and she loves to copy anything that any one of us is doing at any time. She has a tenderness that I love, and just melts into my arms when I pick her up. I'm loving my time alone with my girl. We pick Luke up at 12 ~ the kids are out on the playground so Jules get to play some while I talk with the teachers and the other Moms. I get excited to pick up the infamous bucket, which is always crammed with some sort of artistic creation. The teachers tell me that Luke asks to make two of every picture ("One for my Julia").....so he frequently comes home with two creations. To say that he has made the adjustment to preschool easily would be an understatement. One day when I got there he looked at me, his face lit up, then fell, as he instantly said "I don't want to go home yeeeeeet Mama!". I felt hurt, and proud (and hurt) all at the same time. Tuesday when I picked him up he also had a Scholastic book order form in his bucket. I was hit with a visceral physical reaction of shock and awe ~ I had completely forgotten about those things! I instantly remembered bringing them home from school and spending hours agonizing over them, reading each description over and over, and circling and starring the books that I most fervently hoped that I might be allowed to order. How it is possible that I went from there to being the MOM of a child ordering those books so quickly is beyond me. I can't wait to place his first order (after spending hours reading all of the descriptions and circling and starring my favorites, of course).

Wednesday is play group, which has been a happy staple in our lives for almost 3 years now. That leaves Mondays and Fridays to go the the PTM, Zoo, moon bounce, or to get together with friends. The kids sleep so long in the afternoon that we have to keep it to short adventures when they wake up, a trip to the library or to visit family or a walk around the borough. Somedays it is just fort building and lots of book reading while cuddled under blankets in the living room. Today that time was spent exploring outside with Daddy and climbing all over a huge tree that fell down in Buddy's yard. Then it is home for the eat dinner/bath/bed routine. Jules is in bed by 7, and Luke between 7.30 and 8, depending on how long he slept at nap time. Sometime around 7 or 7.30 am the whole routine begins again.

We have escaped illness thus far, but I am sure that it is lurking right around the corner. Between school, and the gym, and the million other kids and people that we interact with on a weekly basis, there are simply too many germs to avoid them all. You can't swing a dead cat these days without hitting a story about H1N1, and there is a ton of conflicting information and fear mongering going on in the media. We have been and will continue to follow common sense procedures like tons of hand washing and good nutrition and lots of sleep and we hope to avoid serious illness this winter. Happy fall and may EVERYONE who reads this stay healthy this winter!

Super September

It's cool. It's crazy. It is only September 1......and hot dang I am loving the adherence of the weather to the calender.

I laugh at how we get to the beach and sigh a huge sigh of relief of "being on vacation"......then get home and sigh and even bigger sigh of "oh jeez we are home".

Groceries. CSA. Fruit share. Routine. Friends. Change. Life.

I feel liberation at being home. My kids feel so easy. The weather is so beautiful.

There are a million things on my mind : Luke's first day at school this Thursday (preemptive playdate meet the teachers thingy). The fall schedule, the one kid in pre school thing, the clothes, the food. the bagillion things that are wonderful and burdensome and joyous and scary.

The one kid in diapers continues to be this novelty, this indulgence, that I revel in. The long naps, the Nate at home, the way that the kids will play for an hour in the playroom as I do some housework or cooking............

This time one year ago I was heading into the dark period. The "OH SNAP Jules is 6 months old and crawling and needing solids and it's the sickness time of year and the darkness and the two nap thing". I have to say that I love my blog if solely for the purpose of looking back at a year ago and recognizing how difficult it was.....and how easy today seems.

I am in disbelief that this is actually fall......I fully believe that more summer is on the plate (I hope so, anyway).....but I love this weather. I know that the darkness of winter follows ~ so I find myself watching what I hope for.

Portrait of an Artist

We busted out the finger paint this week. Luke had a blast, while Jules watched from the paint free safety of her exersaucer.

Both kids have been napping for over 3 hours. I don't know what to do with myself. This is far and away the longest period of time that I have had without a child (during the day) since Julia was born. This one nap thing rocks the house.

I'm off to try to remember what I used to do before I had children.

Sprung.

Goodbye to the Toyota.

The ole gal went back to the dealership on Friday afternoon. Three years ago I picked her up as a childless woman, and by end of her 3 year lease she had dents from two car seats pretty firmly embedded in her leather seats. With no accidents, flats, break downs, or speeding tickets in those three years, along with safely carting two newborn babies home from the hospital , she treated us well.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I shed a tear as we drove her for the last time. I'm weird like that. End of an era and all that jazz.

I met a mom at our gym a couple of weeks ago who had kids who appeared to be close in age, like mine are. I asked her how far apart her kids were, and she told me "Well, these two are 14 months apart, but they are # 3 and #4 in our family.....our first two were 14 months apart, then 18 months till #3, then 14 months till #4." Do the math on that, and her first child was still 3 when her fourth child was born. THAT'S busy. I immediately asked her what the heck she did about naps. The Julia napping from 9-12 and Luke napping from 12-3 thing was simply killing me. I never ever had a moment to myself, and it was hard to do some of the things that I wanted to do with Luke. She told me to get her to one nap ASAP.

We have been working on this for the past couple of weeks. I gradually moved her morning nap later by as long as she was happy each day. This whole week Jules and Luke napped at the same time. Like a prisoner sprung from jail I have been on the go every single day for a week straight.

Monday ~ Morning at the gym and an extra long yoga class
Tuesday ~ Had 3 friends and their toddlers over for the morning and lunch
Wednesday ~ Playgroup
Thursday ~ Please Touch Museum with our friends
Friday ~ A friend and her two kids over for the morning and lunch.

Saturday we spent the afternoon at the Villanova game, and Sunday had friends over for the Eagles game. This morning we were at a birthday party. Tomorrow we are having a friend and her 3 kids over. Wednesday playgroup. Thursday a pre-school open house. And Friday going to a friends house. It's a binge.

Like an addict who has had their first taste of the forbidden substance, I got a taste of freedom and am going hog wild with it. After months inside the house, occasionally for a day, or three days in a row, I am drunk on my new found morning freedom. I am intoxicated with the 2 to 3 hours of alone time that I get from 12-3. I hardly even know what to do with myself without a kid underfoot. I need to slow down a little bit........

I had been totally impressed with the way that Julia was handling the two-soon-to-be-four teeth that are already in/coming in....until last night. Last night she went to bed at 7, but had me up at 11, from 12-1, 3, and then woke Luke up at 5.....I got about 4? hours of sleep. For the past few months I have been sleeping through the night, every night....so last night felt unduly cruel. We tried to snuggle in Luke's bed for a bit, but he would not go back to sleep. Nate relieved me at 7 when Jules woke for the day, and I got a great 1/2 hour of sleep while he took the kids downstairs to get them fed.

I'm tired. Heading to bed. All this freedom is simply exhausting.

The Scoop on Poop

Luke, AKA the Mad Kisser, swoops in for another big wet smacker as Julia tries to get away :)

We are officially using free diapers from here on out. The money that I spent on the cloth diapers is now less than I would have spent on disposables over the past 5 months. With a little time under our belt now, I am thrilled to say that the decision to switch to cloth diapers was the right one for us. They are easy. They are cute. They make me happy when I put them on my kids, or pull them out of the dryer, clean and fluffy and warm. There is a little bit more grossness involved than when using 'sposies, but not enough to really bother me. Motherhood is filled with so much grossness anyway that after a while you start to get rather immune to it. We use several different kinds of diapers, bumGenius 3.0's, Thirsty AIO's, Happy Heiney's, Haute Pockets, Dream eez fitteds, prefolds, and Imse Vimse and Bummi wrap covers. There are some that I like better than others, but overall there is not one that I do not like. I am a convert, and so is Nate.

In other poop news, Luke now uses a potty every day. Maybe once, maybe twice, or even 4 times like a couple of days ago. I don't know what to think. I am proud of him, but feel a little (lot) blindsided by this. I'm not ready to even think about potty training Luke. At this point I'm just following his cues and not pushing anything (I have nightmares of hearing "Mom I have to go to the bathroom" for the next gazillion years whenever we are on long car rides or in stores or really just anywhere in general......I don't feel at all ready to go there yet.) Changing diapers may get old at times, but it doesn't even compare to dealing with "accidents" and disgusting public restrooms, and all that comes with the potty trained young child. Not. Ready. Am I a terrible Mother for not so secretly hoping that this is just some weird phase and he forgets all about his current desire to sit on and pee in a potty?

While on the "am I a terrible Mother" kick, I have another confession to make. I'm not excited about Halloween. I'm really just not. I have a little of the "want to be the perfect mother and hand make the perfect costume" bit in me. I'm not proud of it, I wish I didn't have it, in fact, but its there. Last year, with the ease of just one child, I actually did make Luke's costume. This year, it just ain't happening. So I trotted off to the costume store and picked one. Blah. Its just not as much fun. The whole idea of taking the kids out trick or treating isn't even exciting to me. Jules goes to bed at 6.45 ~ all I can think about is "Why am I planning on trotting my infant around in a costume past her bedtime, she has no idea what is going on, what is this all about???".

In other news, Julia has settled into her schedule. She sleeps from 9-11.30 or 12 every day, than again from 2-4. She goes to bed by 6.45 or 7. She sleeps straight through the night. BUT ~ she wakes up at 5.30. 5.30 is a cruel time of day. She is happy as a lark, and wants to chit chat, and nurse, and play grabby face with me, and crawl around and get into everything.......but the child is UP. Which means that the Mama is UP. And you know what, I hate it. I hate 5.30 in the morning. Its still dark for several HOURS. And with the Phillies in the world series and the late nights that watching that is demanding, I am toasted at the moment. Just bone tired.

Should the Phils win, my children are going to the parade with us.

Please win, Phils.

Sleep

The kids have both been in bed for the night at 7 pm the last two nights. Life is good. Its enabled me to do exciting sexy things like mop the kitchen floor and do laundry. (party!). I'm not ashamed to admit that when Nate is away I fall into bed like a zombie before 9 pm most evenings. I can't make it through an entire Phillie's game to save my life.

I believe in letting my babies find their own schedule. I see it as my job to simply pay attention to and anticipate their needs, as I believe all babies naturally fall into a routine that works for them at some point in their development. Jules is apparently at that point. It happened so naturally and easily with Luke, that I was hopeful that it would with Julia also. It's different with your second child as you don't have as much time to study their schedule/needs and you are always having to still respect/work around the schedule of your first child ~ I just sortov trusted and sure enough it all came together. She takes a morning nap of about 40 minutes around 9.30, then a 2.5 hour nap in her crib from about 11 until 1.30. Then she cat naps for another 45 or so around 3....then off to bed by 6.45 or 7. She wakes once around 10 for a quick nurse, then again at 1.30, when she nurses and falls immediately back to sleep, then sleeps till between 7 and 8. I do find it amusing that they seem to be tag teaming their naps ~ Luke still takes two naps a day, so he sleeps from 9-11, Jules 11-1.30, Luke from 2-4. Hm. Fab, as it gives me lots of alone time with each of them, but leaves me in the dark as to when we are supposed to go out and do fun things. What I find is working at the moment is to take a long walk right after breakfast, get things done while Luke is napping, play outside with him while Jules is napping, and then get out of the house, to either the playground or the pool around 4. That takes care of that weird chunk of time before dinner when nerves tend to get a little thin for me.

I refuse to run errands with my kids. I think that it would be miserable for them, and miserable for me. Sometimes it means that my life is more simple than I might ideally choose. I don't always have the birthday gift or card at the appropriate time. I have put decorating our house on the back burner, even though it desperately needs it. I don't do a lot of pleasure shopping. I get my groceries delivered (which if anyone is pressed for time is simply the most wonderful thing in the world ~ free delivery specials are almost always available, and the big strapping delivery guy brings my groceries right to my kitchen island. Heaven). I have a sitter for 3 hours a week during the day, which is when I run my errands, kid free and happy.

I was talking to my friend Amy when we were down at the beach, and was asking her how she liked being a stay at home Mom. She, like me, had loved her career while she was working. She, like me, said that she loved being home with her son, and would not change it for the world. I loved her actual answer. She said that "I take being a Mom seriously. I work hard to be a good Mom. Some days that is a million times harder than working ever was." I could not agree with her more.

Slugger

So Luke has HANDS!!! And TOES. And he can even use them with some degree of skill! While those of us who know and love Luke have been aware of this for some time now, he seems to really have woken up to the reality of all that is attached to him (well, not ALL that is attached to him, but that awareness will come all too soon I imagine....). Appendage adoration. He has a whole new fascination with all things BODY. If his entire fist is not shoved down his throat to the point where its making him gag, his toes are. Included in this body love is his new obsession with other peoples faces. His latest trick is to grab on to both sides of my face, as though to pull me into a passionate kiss, but instead of the kiss he pulls me to him and starts sucking on either my chin or my nose. He did it to Aunt Becca yesterday at the gym and made her laugh out loud. I guess that this is a precursor to those baby kisses where they just lean towards you with their gaping, gummy, wet mouth and plant one on you. While I nurse him his free hand turns into a roving menace ~ his interest in my mouth knows no bounds. He very impolitely grabs my lips, my nose, and occasionally throws an eye gouge in there for good measure. The free arm is a terror! And those nasty little baby claws ~ No matter how frequently I attend to those fingernails I cant stay ahead of the game. Nothing is safe. Not my hair, not my jewelery, not my other breast *wince*. I spend half of our nursing sessions defending my parts. Very relaxing.

We had a great time up at Amy and Gary's house on the 4th, despite the less than seasonal weather (think fall). Amy, Luke started crying when we tried to take a pic and then we never got back to it ~ Blame my bad baby for your pic not being plastered to the top of this entry :). Thank you again for having us.

The beach was wonderful. Luke is utterly spoiled with love and attention by his Mom Mom and Grandpop, and we had a great time. No one has Grandpop's touch when it comes to putting Luke to sleep on the beach. No one. Not even me. Which means.........it's now Grandpops J O B !!! We caught 3 fantastic days of sun, and managed to keep the kid relatively un~sun~damaged. No small feat.

Somehow, while I wasn't really looking, Luke seems to have gone and established a SCHEDULE on me. He wakes up between 7 and 8, naps for an hour, sometimes 2 starting around 9.30, naps around 1 for maybe two hours, and then throws in a little cat nap for good measure around 4 or so. That gears him up to pass out around 7.30 for the night. Its fantastic. I like schedule. Good work Luke.

PS, the pic is of Luke with his very first baseball bat. A real Louisville Slugger, from the factory, courtesy of Becky and Milt. I swear, by the time his teeth actually come in he will have that thing ground down to nothing ~ Its his new favorite chew toy. Thanks guys!