On homework, then onward.

The interlopers. Nate was unable to escape from work so I was flying solo, and Julia insisted on attending her brothers Thanksgiving performance (her teachers were a little bit "meh, it is very crowded in there and I was equally all "meh" other people have like eleventy grandparents and cousins along for the show I'm sure a 3 foot tall sister won't take up much space *sales nod twinkly eyes smile*. They said okay, and I happily stole my girl out of class so that she could proudly watch her brother. Many kudos go to Luke's teachers, who saw her, and quickly made a special place for her right next to Luke and his teacher. In case you can't tell, I'm not thrilled with Julia's teachers this year. They need a personality pill) Jake was just along for the free snacks, as usual.

I admit to totally dreading this Thanksgiving program. I mean, c'mon. Honestly I had three gazillion things to do as it was the week I was hosting Thanksgiving. However, it was a tear inducing sweet and touching sort of thing that I was really glad that I went to. The kids sang about 15 songs, the table was set with care (and I had to perform all sorts of theatrics to keep Jake from the table, laden with snacks, while simultaneously trying to get pics and video of Luke). Tall Uggs were the super wrong choice for the endeavor, I felt rage. Next year I'm wearing a bikini or something. It was ridiculously hot in there, even to those not trying to deter 31 lb's of pure determination.

The Turkey. This will play into the "homework" topic. Luke's feather is third from the bottom, with the pom poms, smiley face stickers and general non linear chaos that makes me twitch. The perfect glitter calligraphy cornucopia one was directly below Lukes...but of course that winner Mom got to the Turkey first and removed it before the rest of us slacker parents had a chance to get to ours. More on that later.

The Family Crests. You know, because we are all royalty and whatnot. Luke's is second from last on the top row. The messy one :)

Nate and his new toy......a preview of Thanksgiving posts.

First off, Happy Thanksgiving to those who read! I hope that you had lovely days filled with family and delicious eats. I have to catch up on stuff before I get to ours, so bear with me.

We are experiencing a new development in preschool land. Homework. Some parents call what Luke is in Pre-K, I call it preschool, but the general gist is the same. His October newsletter foretold the beginning of homework. I pictured, like, worksheets and stuff. Wrong. It was Momwork, not homework.

This all started with the feather. Luke brought home a plain white poster board feather. We were charged with decorating it, with the understanding that it would adorn a bulletin board turkey's plumage. Cool, right? Except that I'm Luke's Mom. Poor Luke. I like things neat. I really like things to be linear and balanced. I'm a little nutty, very admittedly. So when Luke said, in his very Lukeish way, "Lets ALL do this together! I want Julia and Jake to help me!" I twitched. I got out the armory of craft supplies as I continued to clean up the kitchen.....and I let them loose. I love my Mom. Love her so much. My Mom is really perfect, like, really perfect. I remember "creating" projects in elementary school that made my stomach hurt, but won the blue ribbon. I admire my Mom's desire to do things well, and I certainly recognize those same tendencies in myself, but I want to avoid the stomach ache part. I want to let them do it imperfectly, even if it is hard for me. So, they had at it. At times, despite myself, I found myself saying things like "Its a feather, lets try to make a PATTERN!"...but alas, it was like those artists who throw paint at an easel in the result. I mean, Jake was helping. And when it was "done", Luke beamed with pride and we handed it in the next morning, with total excitement.

So, when I came home from Arizona there was this big crest thing waiting for me. It had already been sullied (Nate not realizing what it was all about let Luke start to write his name on it) and it was already due like the day after I got home. Anyway, it was a "Family Crest". The family surname was to adorn the top, and the three sections that were pre divided were to represent three things: Luke's family, something Luke likes to do, and something Luke likes to eat. Now. Luke can't read or write, so the talk of actually creating the family crest presumably fell to the readers and writers in the family. Nate was out of town like 12 hours after I got home from Az, so that meant me. I wrote MANGAN across the top with marker, (over the part where Luke had accidentally started writing his name in giant black crown)...and I let the kids loose with like 7 magazines that I had stolen (borrowed!) from the gym. For our "family" picture I am ashamed to admit that I didn't even have one printed up (I'm so bad with printed pictures) so I had to use the one of the three kids on the podium at Lake Placid, no parents in sight). For the "things I like to do" picture, Luke chose a picture of a lovely Asian family sledding. For his "favorite food" photo, he chose linguine with clams. And he wasn't kidding, this kid loves some pasta and loves some clams. So. So I glued this imperfect family photo, this random sledding photo, and this linguine and clam photo onto the crest......and again I just let him go. It was....cute, if random. It was clearly made by a 4 year old.

So fast forward to like a week later as I dropped the kids off at preschool. Luke's teacher had a crest in her hand as she got him out of the car. It was PERFECTION. The surname was, like, hand EMBROIDERED across the top. The sections were like felt backed and hand cut and, well, impressive. I got this little clench in my gut. This moment of "WHO THE HELLS CREST IS THAT? IS MY KIDS CREST GOING TO SUCK? IS THAT THE LEVEL OF COMPETITION? AM I A SUCKY MOM?????"

Anyway. When we got to the Thanksgiving program I admit to anxiously scanning the family crest wall in my sweaty Ugg Jake tending Julia herding state. I was so. So. so. relieved to see that most people are normal. Most people were not hand embroidering their kids preschool homework. I scanned the turkey's plumage to see the same thing: two Mom done turkey feathers, and like 14 totally ugly, imperfect, yet beautiful feathers. I felt joy.

There was one other homework assignment, which I pretty much failed to pay attention to. We had to send in a list of three tasks that our child had done to help our family, and sign it. I admit to being that Mom in car line who was eternally grateful for my long form sticky pad and pen.....so that while waiting in car line I could scrawl "Luke set the table. Luke cleared the table. Luke puts his clothes in the laundry room". These were nothing special, these are just his jobs. In the Thanksgiving performance all of the kids had to stand up and recite the three ways that they had been helpful to their families, and then received a special feather. I was so proud of my boy as he stood up and recited ways that he helped his family.

So. That was the program. At the end we all got lots of food and even got to bring home a loaf of pumpkin bread that they had made during class! It was precious.

It was important to me. I see the perfect feathers, and the perfect crests........and I don't care. I have new found confidence in my desire to divert from my own childhood mandate of "perfection" into a new paradigm. It is okay to let things be imperfect, it is actually good. And if perfect Mom needs to be perfect, that may be good for their family, too. For me, it isn't. For me, watching my son want to share the fun of "homework" with his sibs is joyful.

Talk about gratitude......

I need to take a picture of Jake standing up in his puffer jacket.....with the hood up he looks EXACTLY like Kenny from Southpark. He talks about as well as Kenny does! Luckily his sibs are willing and able translators. We got in a lovely 4 miles today on a very cold but sunny day ~ Jake is the ultimate running buddy.

Preschool art is a treasure. In the list of "things I enjoy as a Mom" I would rate "making crafts" very low. I admit to having had visions of making fantastic felt and paper and paint creations (before I actually had children).....some image of this super crafty patient person (who I'm not) sitting around the table on lazy winter afternoons armed with a well organized and vibrant assortment of creatively stimulating crafting supplies and a cup of tea. The reality? It sucks. Jake goes all Godzilla on everything, I hate chaos, and admit to totally being that Mom who wants the crafts to be all symmetrical and aesthetically pleasing and whatnot. Glue everywhere, Jake sucking on an uncapped marker, glitter in ears and eyes and scissor incidents have taken over my "vision" here in the reality of Motherhood. And who knows, maybe I would have been "that Mom" if I had a kid every four years or so. Alas, I had three kids in 39 months and crafts became synonymous with torture, to me.

Anyway. I get extra special excited about preschool because while they learn all about taking turns and helping out and whatnot at home....they surely don't get the craft experience that they get at school. Every day they tumble into the car flushed and proud as they show me their latest creation. Today, Luke arrived with this. They could have picked anything. Toys. Pizza. Presents. Santa. He chose his sister. I started to cry in the preschool parking lot. I mean, it's not all that unusual, right? Family? A normal answer? But somehow the fact that he only focused on his Sister made me inordinately proud. I don't do all that much right as a parent. I plod along. I have stuck fervently to some of my ideals, and others have fallen by the wayside (like the vision of me, like felting glitter wool on a peaceful afternoon of tea and crafting). But the ONE thing that was most important to me was to facilitate my kids being best friends. To NEVER delve into the realm of creating competition between them, but to align them. To let them see one another as teammates, as playmates, as people that they want to protect and support. There was a lot of competition in my childhood, and I don't think that it served us well, ultimately. Our goal was to do differently with and for our kids.

So when I see the love that they have for one another, it gives me a special sort of joy.

I will say that while having my kids so close together presents special challenges (and special regrets....I constantly fear that I have done them a disservice by being so busy tending to all that I miss out on individual time with them as individuals).......there is absolutely a special sort of joy that comes from witnessing their relationships. I'm sure I've blogged about this before, but it continually awes me. I think sometimes that it is a covert gift....I know that personality wise I could have been one of those parents who had a penchant for achievement, that Mom who sat and did letters ad nauseum, the one who had their kid in 30 billion classes to encourage them to be the brightest or the best. Instead, fate intervened and kept me too busy to get hung up on achievement or milestone markers. It is a gift. A secret, silent gift. I can't brag about my kid reading at 3. I can feel joy about the way that they love and protect one another fiercely. Some days just knock me on my knees with gratitude. Today was one of them.

Tday minus one week.

My little tank loving on his babydoll. Jake weighed in at 31 lbs yesterday, he is 17 months old. That isn't all that much bigger than Luke or Jules at this age.....but for some reason this kid feels like a bag of cement in my arms. It is bizarre how heavy Jake feels. My back is suffering.

Oh! Fall. The joy of watching these boys jump in the leaves while Julia napped and Tessa was held tightly to me in the sling was awesome. This was on Monday, when we had 70 degree weather. Jake and I got in a 6 mile run and all of us reveled in being outside in the unseasonably warm weather.

I dusted off the Bumbo (which I have been meaning to get to Bec for forever) and gave Tessa her first go at it. This kid is already rocking her stylish self, even down to the jaded look! (I was babysitting while Becca went to the gym). I love, LOVE this sweet little girl. She makes my heart beat faster ~ and as much as I love her, I love handing her back to her Mama, too.

Oh, the indignities of growing up with a big Sister!

My silly girl. Jules declared "Mama, I want to MATCH fall" the morning that she chose this vibrant ensemble. Love this girl. Still curious about where this streak of fierce femininity came from.

Life is good. I got my first holiday induced anxiety moment out of the way yesterday ( It had to come at some point, right?!). We are hosting Thanksgiving this year, then hosting a post race party the following weekend. In between I'm lining up sitters, crossing off days for things like Thanksgiving Shows (Luke's class party) Gingerbread house making (Enrichment Christmas event) and holiday parties and family commitments out the wazoo. The kids are just flat out funny these days ~ they constantly are making me turn my back so that I don't laugh and encourage the funny and innocently inappropriate things that they say.

I feel like there is this social mandate which dictates that we, as parents, not have favorites.........but I totally enjoy each kid in different ways, and occasionally find myself enjoying one kid, or one phase, the most. Right now I am just eating up Jake. He is so cute, so rotund and solid and the most wonderful juxtaposition of body and heart......his body wants to tackle, jump, roll, dive.....and his heart just wants to hug and kiss, all day long. He is getting way less messy in the highchair, sleeps so well it is almost rude of me to talk about, and his hair is really coming in.....he is just positively edible to me. He is working on a lot more words, and lives for the moment in the afternoon when I tell him "Jake, go wake up Luke and Jules". He RUNS up the steps, laughing, and goes to each door, THROWS it open exuberantly, and wakes up his sister and brother (this is at 3:45 or 4..........they are still napping till then 4 or 5 days a week, other days they wake up at 3 or so.). He giggles when he nurses, he dives into bed at night, and he is my running and bubble bath partner. Sometimes I feel like Jake and I date :) Like we have this secret life apart from Luke and Jules and Nate ~ this time when everyone else is at school or at work or napping and it is just he and I, doing funny grown up things together.

Also

I'm feeling weird about this blog (again). First I took it private, then I cut the reader list down........but I have realized lately that I'm still putting a lot out there and would feel more comfortable if I actually knew who was reading and who just had access, so I can remove the extras.

So ~ If you would like to remain a reader, comment here, please.

We have a lot of changes coming up ~ in our family ~ great changes ~ and I'm feeling exclusive. So, please comment here as yourself if you want to keep reading ~ and I hope you understand :).

Thursdays.

This was my project last night. I got rid of two full trashcans full of stuff, and organized everything else. We are moving this from a playroom to an art room this Christmas, and hoping to move a few toys or lego type things up to the kids bedrooms.

My friday night dates when Nate is at school :)

Nate and I have not seen one another in a while. Nate took the kids to school last Friday morning, I came home Monday night at 9, he left Tuesday morning at 5:30, he got home last night (thurdsay) at 9, he left this morning at 7. He will be home tomorrow night (Saturday) around 5........which means we miss one another terribly.

This brings up the concept of schedules. My sister (with a newborn) asks me about schedules frequently: WHEN DO THEY HAVE THEM? I remember having one baby. I still viscerally remember his schedule. I remember having two babies, and manipulating their nap schedules with much luck......and I know that I am going to forget this having three kids this year (at 4.5, 3.5 and 17 months) schedule very vaguely. So, for posterities sake, here it is.

Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays: Bigs have preschool. Leave at 8:50. Drop off both by 9:15. Either go to gym or run errands or meet friends for sanity time. Pick up bigs at 11:40. Race home for lunch. Feed three (if Jake stayed awake). Put three to bed. Indulge in 2-3 hours of free time to nap, cook dinner, run errands or run (if Nate is home) climb in the tub, or argue on the internet,, depending on my/our needs.

Alternative: Jake falls asleep en route to pick up bigs.....Jake naps in car, I feed bigs while he naps in car in garage, and he wakes around 2:30. These are the hard days as I don't get much of a break and Jake is a pain in the neck come dinnertime.

Tuesdays: Go to gym. Kids have (free) t-ball, kids creative center, and game room. Have to pack Luke's lunch prior to leaving at 9. Leave gym at 11:15, to drop Luke off for lunch bunch/enrichment (his afternoon preschool). Wake up (grumpy) Jake and Jules at 2:40, pick up Luke, pick up CSA, go to playground, go home and cook dinner.

Thursday: Thursdays are the awesome day, as no one has school. That translates to going to the gym, the kids having kickball, creative center, and then taking everyone straight home (we live 1/2 mile from the gym) so they can all sleep for a good three hours of nap. This is my awesome day.

Saturdays depend ~ if Nate is at school we roll into the gym or see friends or do some community activity then head home for a lunch of leftover pizza, naps, and a countdown to seeing Daddy. If Nate is home, we do yard stuff, family stuff, or are out of town.

Sundays also depend ~ Nate is always home ~ so we usually go out to breakfast as a family, I head to the gym with the kids while Nate studies, and then Nate and I get to watch the first game together like the old days while the kids nap (THIS IS GREAT!) ......then Nate studies and we eat big. Sometimes Nate and I play golf....though that is getting more rare as winter is upon us.

Mornings? Most days Luke arrives in our room first, usually around 6:45. He climbs right in our bed (my side is near the door) and I love him to pieces. Many days I wake up before him and go downstairs for computer time, coffee, and general awakening. Jules usually gets up around 7:15. We read books, or they play, or they help me start breakfast (generally whole oats with raisins and bananas and flax seed come fall....yogurt and peanut butter toast and fruit are our alternates). They start eating around 8, when I go and wake up Jake. I nurse him while I play some more on the computer and talk to the kids. Put Jake in his seat to eat and go get dressed and lay out the clothes for the bigs while Jake devours his oatmeal and yogurt and fruit. Kids and I are dressed, so I go downstairs and get Jake dressed. We leave.

Afternoons: Depends on Nate's deal. If he is out of town we either have friends over, go to a friends house, cook, or go to the gym. We (seasonally) play outside, but now with everyone waking up around four our options are limited. This is the season when we tend to cook a lot, if Nate is home. The kids love to cook. We make muffins, or bread, or cookies, or prep dinner. Hence, my expanding waistline.

We eat as a family for all of our meals, Nate here or not. I love sitting around the table with these 3 little people :).

Post dinner I/we clean up while the kids go wild (they are very annoying during this time, for serious.. I'm tired and impatient) . Every other day we give them a shower (you would not believe how cute Jake is walking around the shower like a big guy), on the shower days, I let the kids watch a show ~ put Jake to bed ~ then do something like a puzzle or a game before letting them watch one more show. The general on demand line up that the bigs are into these days is one Berenstein Bears, and one Scooby Doo episode. If we shower, I put Jake right to bed (this baby sleeps from 6:45 till 8 am...........without a wimper) and the bigs get to watch two shows or part of a movie from 7 until 8 when they go to bed. We brush, read (we are into chapter books, these days).........we are reading the Magic Treehouse series and are on book 6.

This is life, at the moment. Schedule holds us all together without a ton of difficulty! The bigs dress themselves. They handle their bathroom needs independently. I do Jules hair. I cook for them. I nurse Jake. THEY NAP. My life is really pretty easy...........but don't tell anyone.

Vacation

On Saturday we took a beautiful hike up the Ridgeline trail at South Mountain, right near MJ's house. One is supposed to rest the day before a 1/2 marathon.....but who can rest amidst beauty like this?

Mary Joe, one of my favorite people over the course of the past 13 years or so.....even though we are thousands of miles apart our friendship never changes.

Finally warming up ~ It was COLD out in AZ! I changed my clothes about 5 times a day, I could not get a handle on the weather. When we left the house at 5:30 am to drive to the start line, it was just 43 degrees! Ouch!

At the finish! PR for both MJ and Julie, and we had a great time sticking together and talking all the way. It was 70 and sunny and just perfect by 9 AM when we crossed the finish line. Running with 6000 other women to raise money for cancer research is very emotional ~ I got tears in my eyes about 5 times during the run. The kids, in particular, always get me. There is simply something so moving seeing little boys holding up signs like "MY MOM ROCKS!" as you run by! Kills me. One constant hope I have while I run is the notion that my kids will see that they can do anything that they put their mind to, and that they realize that they are stronger that they know.

I am hopelessly in love with Julia. I only wish we lived closer, as I know that this Jules and my Jules would be fast friends, just like their Mama's.

There is nothing quite like it, once one becomes a Mother.

I was excited to leave. Not even slightly sad. I knew that the brood was in good hands, and I knew in every corner of my soul, that I was in desperate need of a break.

Nate's school is awesome. It has invigorated him mentally and career wise, and I am so incredibly proud of his dedication and hard work. That said, now that a little bit of the thrill of the novelty of it (aka, do you have to study tonight, dear? Do you want some hot tea?) has worn off I am seeing how it is really a little bit of a "suck the life out of you" schedule for both of us. It is good ~ would not change it for the world, especially as there is an end in sight (MAY 2013!!!)...but it just ain't easy, either.

I had a wonderful, restful time. I read two books, and spent time with one of my favorite people and her family, who I just love. I was reminded a bit about just what matters, and what does not. I came home relaxed and refreshed. I also came home to a nursing baby ~ and you know what, that is okay too. Jake will wean when he is ready. I'm rededicated to keeping my eyes on the prize ~ these people Nate and I are growing ~ and letting a few things fall aside a little. It can be easy to get caught up in some of the rampant materialism of our area, and this trip opened my eyes to little ways in which I was letting certain attitudes creep up on me ~ ones that I don't want to have. I also felt like I could run the 1/2 over again as I crossed the finish line. Personal goal for 2012? My first Marathon. Stay tuned. Need to snuggle my big kids to sleep now. Rested. Refreshed. Grateful.

I'm fired.

6 Mangans trick or treating together! All wearing Star Wars garb. The kids were so happy and excited running from house to house following their big cousins through the snow.

Queen Amidala utilizes her parade wave.

Luke's class parades and sings their Halloween songs.

Waking up to snow, early Sunday morning en route to the gym.

This is simply unheard of in PA in October. I loved it, in a weird way.

Kids, I'm so sorry. I promise you that while this written record may not prove it, you are having a lovely fall. We are in a whirlwind of school, birthday parties, weaning, all sorts of things. You are having a lot of fun.......so much fun that I am sitting here at 8:48 in my pajamas, in my bed, wondering why on Earth I am not sleeping already. I'm beat. You guys have way more energy than me, even in my new exercise deprived candy fueled state. We had a busy week last week ~ Nate away most of the week, then at school Friday and Saturday. I stayed up wayyyyyy to late during Laura's sleepover, and had to attend a birthday party with three kids in my charge at a Moonbounce place with total stranger people (school party, but with no one I knew there.). These were strange stranger people, too! I felt like I was in sleep deprived bizarroland as I chased Jake around in the middle of an October snowstorm. The snow ruined our plans on Saturday night AND brought us unexpected but welcome guests in the form of Meredith, Kevin, Riley, Timmy and Christopher, as the storm took their power. Enter a late Eagles/Cowboys game, some preschool parading, trick or treating with 6 kids through the snow.....and me trying to get the house/laundry/food/schedule ready for my departure sans entire family....well, here we are. I'm getting more tired writing about it.