Sparkly fun.

Little Santa boy samples the appetizers while gracing the craft table with his presence.

A sullen Jules refusing to let me take photos of her glitter encrusted hands at the Nova party.

Dinner.

Attempt and fail at a Santa photo. Really miss my camera. Need Santa to send me one. iPhone no good at making humans look like humans, instead of demons, when flash is required.

Great weekend. Too much fun. Many wardrobe malfunctions, but we had a great time at every event. Daddies are so wonderful, but don't really know much about kids and glitter. My kids sweet Dad took off the lids of the glitter for them.............and soon learned that that was not a wise decision. I'm still sparkling.

First Haircut!

The mullet. This does not adequately capture the one lovely curl that he had, but he had one. I have proof, as I am the dorky overly sentimental Mom who saves their first haircut hair. My Mom did the same, and I know that there is no purpose to it, but I admit that I have looked at my first haircut hair several times over the past 30 or so years. So, its in an envelope. He will probably never have another curl, but I have definitive proof that he did, indeed, have one at one point.

Post haircut, so grown up!

He just looks like such a big boy to me now! I love it!

With holiday extravanganzapoluzza upon us, I decided that it was time to bid adieu to Jake's mullet. I admit that I don't like baby mullets, and we were getting to that point. So, on a whim, I gave him his first cut on Friday morning. Ever the perfect gentleman he sat perfectly still and enjoyed his first trim on the kitchen floor. He looks like a little man!

I thought I might be sad about my "baby" looking less like a baby....but have to admit that I find myself way less sentimental about all of this growing up stuff than I thought I might be. I'm glad. (Although, don't get me started about my reaction walking into Luke's soon to be Kindergarten, or how emotional I was watching his pre-K Christmas program). For some reason seeing Luke hit his big kid milestones is more emotionally difficult for me than watching Jake do the same, and I completely thought that it would be the opposite. Anyway, introducing the new big man Jake!

An apology to the universe.

Story hour at the kids soon to be school. I discovered that the WCASD has a preschool link for Mom's of kids heading to our local public school. I signed us up for a story hour at Fern Hill Elementary, which is where Luke will (*Gasp, Sob*) go next year. I know that you can't see it in this picture, but my dynamic duo was holding hands when I took this. It was so much fun to be out on a random Thursday night while smalls slept and Nate studied at home.

The early part of the evening. We mixed up the dough and let it chill while we all took a shower and then I put an exhausted Jake to bed at 6:30. I admit to having lots of "WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING" thoughts during this portion of the evening.

It got better, way better, this is my post shower pajamed kids rolling out the cookies. Jake was blissfully asleep, christmas music was playing courtesy of Pandora, and things were looking up.

They were a seriously huge help. They rolled the cookie balls, placed the mint M&M's, and sprinkled the sprinkles. We banged out 120 cookies in an hour or so. It was awesome, and fun, and we had great conversation.

The finished product.

I am stressed, and half of it is unfounded. I admit to being the queen of undue stress. Not proud. I just like to overthink and overplan things to the point of personal stomach aches.

Today was one of those days (again). Wake up, kiss Nate goodbye after barely saying hello as he has been away or studying all week (an end IS in sight, really really in sight!), pack the bigs lunch, make coffee, empty the dishwasher, make breakfast, clean breakfast, nurse the baby, do laundry, chug coffee, get em all dressed, get to school, get to the mall, meet Jeannie and Henry, shop for something relatively suitable for the three parties that this weekend entails, pick up things at Moms house, pick up the kids at 12:30, get the kids to nap, do laundry, talk to Bec and kiss sweet Tessa as she stayed at the house during nap time, run to nail place for a mani/pedi/wax, race home, do laundry, get to gym, make dough, feed kids dinner, shower kids, nurse Jake and put him to bed, make 120 cookies, bag them, and straighten up and fold 4 loads of laundry that Nate dropped off in his few hours at home this week. Cakewalk, yes? Everything happened except the gym.

We have three parties in the next.........48 hours or so. Two involve the kids (who are supposed to look relatively holiday fancyish, and all three involve me being some sort of presentable). One is downright fancy. I need one of those Superman phonebooths. I don't have one of those booths, damn it. I had grandiose plans. I thought that perhaps I would watch what I ate for a few days so as to be holiday fancy dress trim looking. I considered getting a spray tan. I even admit to putting some self tanner stuff on my face. I DID get a manicure and pedicure today, big treat.....but I ate 3000 cookies and everything else in my stressed out sight this week, am decidedly NOT holiday trim, and my awesome manicure is great.....but my fingers are stained red from the sprinkles that I put on the cookies all night. Oh, and I'm sporting like eleventy awesome zits courtesy of the self tanner I applied to my vain face. Super hot. I pretty much stink at this whole "trying to primp" thing.

So that is cool. I'm going to look decidedly holiday harried for the slew of parties ahead of us. It is actually a great thing for me, my kids keep me in check from being as crazy as this area can encourage one to be when it comes to personal vanity and whatnot. So, I'm decidedly not at my best, and I have to get three kids all dressed up tomorrow, wake them up early from naps, and get to a party (solo, with kids, to meet Nate there) looking relatively put togetherish. I also have to have all of their pajamas laid out and ready here at home, so that when we drop them off and quick change and race off we can hand them off to poor Brooke without too much hardship on her part. Do I sound like I'm complaining? I'm so not complaining, this is just me trying to work through my to do list.

Anyway. The point of this post is to rave about my kids. I had the super angst about today, for nought. The kids made tonight awesome. They are SO.MUCH.FUN at this age, once I get poor Jake to bed. I'm struggling with feeling like I don't get enough big kid time alone with the bigs.....so am trying to incorporate more evening activities, and work the two shows that they are allowed to watch on TV into the day or the post nap afternoon so that I can enjoy my post jake time with them doing more grown up things. That was a wordy sentence, but what I mean is that I miss Luke and Julia. I miss them because I get very little alone time with them, and juggling three is doable, but oftentimes I find myself negotiating to the least common denominator (Jake). Jake is super powerful, and he knows it. I am the queen of not negotiating with the little terrorists that preschoolers are......but then Jake figured me out. He has learned to SCREAM. He has learned to scream not just when he has been wronged (which is rarely) but when he wants something. And I have on occasion committed the cardinal sin of negotiation, I have actually said "JUST GIVE IT TO HIM!!!!!!". This is deeply, deeply wrong, unfair to the bigs, and simply does not jive with my parenting. So, I'm learning and changing course. Less will get done around the house, when all three are awake. I will learn to live with that.

I need to adapt. This is my goal.

Tidal waves.

The moment when one feels like they are failing at everything, yet has nothing to do, is a painful one. I caught a long, wonderful triple play of a nap today. The house was clean, but I was dirty, so I fixed that with a long hot jacuzzi......in which I tried to remedy the growing pit of anxiety in my stomach with some deep breathing. It didn't work. So, I got out.

Then I pretty much paced around the house. Then I made a list. I made two. When my post nap time freed up because a friend was busy, I decided to go to Target. The kids got up, we got in the car, we had a great talk about picking out gifts for others (the sharing tree at school) .......and I realized half way to the store that I didn't bring either list. Awesome.

Taking three kids to Target is a bit like rubbing glass into ones eye. You just keep rubbing and blinking, though it doesn't really make anything better. In target talk, you just keep saying things like "no, they don't need that (a vacuum) and don't touch that, and Jake, stop saying "BALL" and wiping Jake's horribly copiously snotting nose surreptitiously with ones hand because to carry a diaper bag would just be gauche when one is in this deep, and explaining why the everysinglething is not something that we need..............while simultaneously trying not to visibly sweat through ones down coat or Ugg boots and wonder how exactly one is going to

a. prepare dinner for ones husband who is en route home (due in at 6!) from 3 days away and

b. expalin to ones husband how a mop head and some cookie supplies and some 'cheap gifts for the sharing tree' totaled $180

while:

c. Trying to think,

because

d. One forgot the damn list.

Then, when one gets home, and goes to turn on the damn grill, and the damn propane is empty, and one tries to replace the damn tank in the damn dark with three (darn) kids standing at the door..........well. One sweats. A lot.

Damn.

It's Christmas!

Jake is a big help. A huge help! Seriously. Afer he annoyed everyone eleventy times and tried hard to break 73 things, I brought him into the kitchen to sit at the island and help me cook (aka eat grapes). We had a celabratory dinner with Uncle Brian that included homemade meatballs, sausage and gravy, a caesar salad, garlic bread and some peppermint ice cream.

Them, in action, as I ducked in while cooking. A few years back I would have been sad about just looking in while I cooked.....honestly? A sign that I am a Mom of three busy kids? This year it was a relief! I can control food way better than I can control three kids with precious and delicate ornaments.

The house!

Jake gets his newsboy breakfast look on while he reads the paper and entertains us all.

Luke and I get to build a gingerbread house ~ in lieu of a Christmas program his enrichment program (i.e his one afternoon of preschool/week) did this. A total blast. Love my sweet boy, and a date with just him was fantastic. This is one of the weirdest grimace faces I have ever seen Luke make, and it makes me laugh.

CRAZY! Not shopping, just doing! Nate is studying round the clock as he is about to finish his first term (of 5! 20% done already, and rocking!), we are seemingly doing events of some sort most every day, and time is just clicking by way way too quickly!

The kids had an awesome sleepover last night at Mom Mom and Pop Pop's, with their cousin Samantha (who will be three next week). I dropped them off at 4, they had a great Mom Mom made dinner, built a fire, snuggled down and (eventually) went to sleep. This morning they had pancakes, made gorgeous ornaments, and went on a 90 minute Santa train ride complete with carols and the like. They were dropped off by Pop Pop around 12:30, ate lunch, and promptly fell asleep (Luke, my almost 5 year old, slept until 5, despite Jake trying to rouse him at 4:15. Jules slept until Jake woke her at that point).

Nate and I, chilling with just Jake, felt like teenagers. I mean no disrespect at all to people with one child, but DAMN having just one child (when one is accustomed to having three) is super easy vacationish wonderful! Children are hard period, however, so I would like to reiterate that in my glee over having just one child I am not trying to diminish the reality or difficulty of having a child, period. Mkay (but it was a party for us).

We went and got a tree. Took 4 minutes. Honestly, took 4 minutes. Another bonus of having three kids? Dumb crap like picking the perfect tree just falls by the wayside. Love the tree. Perfect, because it was easy. Jake dove into his bed by 6:40, and we had a great night of homemade pizza, a fire, and a movie. One of the huge upsides to school is that when I get undivided time with my husband, I revel in it in entirely new ways ~ I felt so incredibly lucky! This morning was a treat, Jake woke a little early, around 7:15, and nursed and slept in bed till after 8. We quickly shoved our coffee down our throats and got in the car to go to Ikea, with (our) boyfriend Jake. We bought a couple of things to transform our playroom into an artroom, as this is what is happening this Christmas. Got home and got the lights on the tree and marveled at Jake and his gums, which are so swollen that he is actually gagging and choking on his own saliva, which is super hot. Thankfully he remains his cheerful self, despite his new oral anomoly. The kids got home, happy and giddy (fueled by tootsie rolls, courtesy of Pop Pop) and ate the extra pizza that I made last night. When they passed out, we (with Brian's help ~ so grateful!) put the lights up outside of the house and got the lights on the tree.

The kids had a great time decorating the tree while I cooked, we had a wonderful dinner, and now the adults are settling in to watch a movie and enjoy the lovely lights and fire. This is our weekend of relative calm before the storm of next week/end. I bought my first gift on line yesterday ~ and would like to officially make clear that I think that the whole consumer insanity of Christmas is plain old nutty. Stupid. Why on EARTH would we buy our kids 3000 things? They don't need them, and most *things* are junk. Our kids have what they need, they don't watch TV to know what they *want*, and they are very happy. They need love. That is what they need. They need memories. They need traditions. These things, we are happy to lavish on them. I admit to getting way more anti gift and pro experience as I go....and I started off pretty much anti gift.

Anyway, soapbox aside, I'm awed that Christmas is just 15 days away! I feel like I'm too busy to feel pressure, too busy to worry about anything, and am just enjoying every moment that I steal with my husband and our kids. We are so lucky to live in a home that we love, to love one another, to be warm, to be fed, to be able to help others where and when we can. I find myself especially emotional this year when I consider all of the families out there who are just seeking warmth and food.....and admit that I am more turned off than normal to TV, the newspapers, and all of the other advertising that we are being sold as normal or festive.

Anyway. Happy early December, to all.

18 Months!

My silly boy, post bath. We have a new winter routine of hour long baths after his nap and while the older kids sleep. I read and Jake plays and occasionally walks over and gives me long hugs, it is lovely. My boyfriend.

My sweet baby boy turned 18 months old last week. I am infatuated with the little man. This is just such a fun, easy stage. He eats, sleeps, and has suddenly shifted from "the baby" to "one of the kids". I don't know exactly what did it ~ if it is his suddenly expanding vocabulary, or his command of receptive language, or just a mental shift on his part, but he seems to now self identify as a pre schooler rather than as a baby.

At 18 months you are a joy, Jakers. You are a wonderful sleeper and a wonderful eater, and you are ALLLLLL your Daddies personality. You are just a jolly little fellow, you don't take yourself too seriously, and you are already exhibiting a goofy and love to laugh personality that I adore. You are totally going to be the class clown ~ yet you also have this gritty little determination that I love. You don't miss a trick, Jake. You continue to be the most affectionate child I have ever met ~ your kisses and hugs are the highlight of my day.

We had his 18 month well visit today, and Jake continues to be at the tip top of the growth chart at 30 lbs and 34 inches. Watching you grow into a little boy is a joy little man, I love you.

After a crazy weekend where Nate was at school till about 6 on Saturday night, we ran in Brian's Run (a 5 mile race raising money to equip housing for newly disabled vets) on Sunday and then hosted a party afterwards! It was a great time.....but after cleaning and cooking all weekend, having 30 some people at the house and being up till almost 1 last night has led to a very, very lazy day today! I'm laying in front of the fire ~ my tired kids slept from 1-4:30 today (when I finally woke them up!) after having a great afternoon and evening with Brooke and Jackson and Carter yesterday. Due to the ridiculously long nap, I'm snuggling down in a "nest" in front of the fire with the bigs, no lights on but Christmas lights, my house clean and put back in order post party, and about to watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special on TV with my kids for the very first time! Fa la la la laaaaaaaaaaa.

Friday Night Lights.

Carter, Julia, Luke and Jackson take in the Old Fashioned Christmas Parade. Many thanks to Matt and Melissa for taking on my bigs so that smalls could get to sleep and I could go on a cleaning binge!

When I say "cleaning binge" I really mean that I put Jake to work while I kick back and eat more pizza.

They love watching it cook. If a watched pot never boils, it is nothing short of a miracle that our pizza cooks with 6 little eyes peering at it.

It's a group effort. I was recently laughed at for saying that cooking with a one year old was a great form of down time. I don't care.....because it is true. The kids love to cook, and when Luke told me yesterday (cooking zucchini bread) "now we have to mix the wet ingredients with the dry ingredients.....I know that it is actually paying off, beyond entertainment.

There is nothing necessarily hygienic about it, but it sure is fun.

So! Its another wild and crazy Friday night here at chez Mangan!

I have to admit, I was really really scared about Nate starting school. The big huge fear was never seeing him, him being stressed out all the time....and Friday nights. Friday nights are family nights! We have (or had) a great routine ~ Friday morning was my errand running time with my boyfriend Jake, they napped, I got in a great workout in the post nap afternoon, and we picked up pizza oe had it delivered, then Nate and I had our home date night. Fun and relaxing. I was really afraid of Friday nights alone ~ those are nights where my friends are generally unavailable as they are all doing the family thing. I had visions of me sitting around feeling sorry for myself and crying into my pizza while pining for my husband. However, that routine has continued every other friday....and on the weeks that Nate is at school, I have found myself tremendously happy. I've hosted occasional sleep overs with my girlfriends, and I have rediscovered my passion for both serendipity and cleaning.

Back in the work days Friday nights meant happy hour, or a date night with Nate. In the post kid world, down time at home hosting a game night with friends or simple down time with my family. In the school era? It's like the magic 8 ball is in charge. Tonight was the wonderful "Old Fashioned Christmas Parade" in WC. Living in the Borough, this was a no brainer, we walked up, pregnant, with Luke and pregnant, with two kids, with three kids........and this year? It was just too hard. It was too hard to ruin Jake's bedtime and face the prospect of rolling into the house alone to put three over tired kids to bed hours past their bedtime solo. Much to my delight, friends came to the rescue. Matt and Melissa graciously volunteered to take the bigs to the parade, while Jake and I got to hang out for an hour, and then I went on a ferocious cleaning binge. I love throwing things away. Love it. I get a visceral thrill when I empty more than one large bag of trash into our bin. Is this sad? Am I pathetic? I admit to even getting greedy, eyeing up projects for two weeks from now. Tackling those sneaky little areas where things seem to multiply and collect. We are hosting a party on Sunday, and I am READY. We have not yet put up our tree (which, traditionally we would do tomorrow, but Nate is at school, so we will probably do next week), but most of the Christmas decorations are up. I'm a dork. I probably err on the side of being a bit of a neat freak, but these nights where I have few options socially I admit to greedily hoarding my time to myself, to do something that I enjoy. I really, really love it when Nate comes home on Saturday night and the house is pristine.

Today I also got selfish ~ Luke and Jules live to go to "lunch bunch". Luke goes every Tuesday, because he has enrichment those afternoons, and I have recently come to know the joy that is Friday afternoon lunch bunch for two. This is only the second time I have done it, and it is MAGICAL. The kids get so excited to make their lunches and pack them up in their bags.....I drop them at school at 9:10 and am free (with Jake) until 12:30. The big guy and I do the town (today Gentiles for pointsettias and greens (so cheap!) then Target, a lovely lunch while I unpacked everything, then off to pick up the kids. All three napped, I organized, took a jacuzzi, then rescued a crying Jake for an hour of nursing naptime in my bed, all warm and cozy. We woke to head into West Chester, Luke got a haircut and we picked up our packets for a race that we are running on Sunday with friends before the post race party we are hosting. So dorky! But so fun. It was a lovely sunny crisp day and we had a great time walking around town taking care of business. We came home in time to make our own pizza, which the Reed's shared with us before taking the kids off to the parade. I got the entire upstairs cleaned and organized after I put Jake to bed. Again, not the Friday night that I ever thought (in my 20's) would bring me joy....and it brought me mad joy. This school thing is working out about a million times better than I had ever dreamed. I'm so crazy proud of my husband for the hard work that he is doing, and I am so enjoying the time to do wild and crazy things like clean or dream up marathon schemes. I love our little life. It isn't glamorous, but it sure is fulfilling.

Thanksgiving, 2011

This years menu included:

Two turkeys, both brined, one roasted and one fried.

Sausage apple stuffing

Gravy (which Kevin made and was incredible)

Cranberry apple orange compote

Cranberry orange chutney

Sweet Potato and Apple Scallop

Mashed Potatoes

Green Beans two ways (Meredith and I both made them by accident! I thought she was bringing broccoli)

Glazed Carrots

Homemade rolls

Cole Slaw

Corn Casserole

And dessert was some homemade apple and pumpkin pies, clementines, and ice cream.

Is it sick that it is 8 days later (like, 4 days post left overs) and my mouth is watering?

On homework, then onward.

The interlopers. Nate was unable to escape from work so I was flying solo, and Julia insisted on attending her brothers Thanksgiving performance (her teachers were a little bit "meh, it is very crowded in there and I was equally all "meh" other people have like eleventy grandparents and cousins along for the show I'm sure a 3 foot tall sister won't take up much space *sales nod twinkly eyes smile*. They said okay, and I happily stole my girl out of class so that she could proudly watch her brother. Many kudos go to Luke's teachers, who saw her, and quickly made a special place for her right next to Luke and his teacher. In case you can't tell, I'm not thrilled with Julia's teachers this year. They need a personality pill) Jake was just along for the free snacks, as usual.

I admit to totally dreading this Thanksgiving program. I mean, c'mon. Honestly I had three gazillion things to do as it was the week I was hosting Thanksgiving. However, it was a tear inducing sweet and touching sort of thing that I was really glad that I went to. The kids sang about 15 songs, the table was set with care (and I had to perform all sorts of theatrics to keep Jake from the table, laden with snacks, while simultaneously trying to get pics and video of Luke). Tall Uggs were the super wrong choice for the endeavor, I felt rage. Next year I'm wearing a bikini or something. It was ridiculously hot in there, even to those not trying to deter 31 lb's of pure determination.

The Turkey. This will play into the "homework" topic. Luke's feather is third from the bottom, with the pom poms, smiley face stickers and general non linear chaos that makes me twitch. The perfect glitter calligraphy cornucopia one was directly below Lukes...but of course that winner Mom got to the Turkey first and removed it before the rest of us slacker parents had a chance to get to ours. More on that later.

The Family Crests. You know, because we are all royalty and whatnot. Luke's is second from last on the top row. The messy one :)

Nate and his new toy......a preview of Thanksgiving posts.

First off, Happy Thanksgiving to those who read! I hope that you had lovely days filled with family and delicious eats. I have to catch up on stuff before I get to ours, so bear with me.

We are experiencing a new development in preschool land. Homework. Some parents call what Luke is in Pre-K, I call it preschool, but the general gist is the same. His October newsletter foretold the beginning of homework. I pictured, like, worksheets and stuff. Wrong. It was Momwork, not homework.

This all started with the feather. Luke brought home a plain white poster board feather. We were charged with decorating it, with the understanding that it would adorn a bulletin board turkey's plumage. Cool, right? Except that I'm Luke's Mom. Poor Luke. I like things neat. I really like things to be linear and balanced. I'm a little nutty, very admittedly. So when Luke said, in his very Lukeish way, "Lets ALL do this together! I want Julia and Jake to help me!" I twitched. I got out the armory of craft supplies as I continued to clean up the kitchen.....and I let them loose. I love my Mom. Love her so much. My Mom is really perfect, like, really perfect. I remember "creating" projects in elementary school that made my stomach hurt, but won the blue ribbon. I admire my Mom's desire to do things well, and I certainly recognize those same tendencies in myself, but I want to avoid the stomach ache part. I want to let them do it imperfectly, even if it is hard for me. So, they had at it. At times, despite myself, I found myself saying things like "Its a feather, lets try to make a PATTERN!"...but alas, it was like those artists who throw paint at an easel in the result. I mean, Jake was helping. And when it was "done", Luke beamed with pride and we handed it in the next morning, with total excitement.

So, when I came home from Arizona there was this big crest thing waiting for me. It had already been sullied (Nate not realizing what it was all about let Luke start to write his name on it) and it was already due like the day after I got home. Anyway, it was a "Family Crest". The family surname was to adorn the top, and the three sections that were pre divided were to represent three things: Luke's family, something Luke likes to do, and something Luke likes to eat. Now. Luke can't read or write, so the talk of actually creating the family crest presumably fell to the readers and writers in the family. Nate was out of town like 12 hours after I got home from Az, so that meant me. I wrote MANGAN across the top with marker, (over the part where Luke had accidentally started writing his name in giant black crown)...and I let the kids loose with like 7 magazines that I had stolen (borrowed!) from the gym. For our "family" picture I am ashamed to admit that I didn't even have one printed up (I'm so bad with printed pictures) so I had to use the one of the three kids on the podium at Lake Placid, no parents in sight). For the "things I like to do" picture, Luke chose a picture of a lovely Asian family sledding. For his "favorite food" photo, he chose linguine with clams. And he wasn't kidding, this kid loves some pasta and loves some clams. So. So I glued this imperfect family photo, this random sledding photo, and this linguine and clam photo onto the crest......and again I just let him go. It was....cute, if random. It was clearly made by a 4 year old.

So fast forward to like a week later as I dropped the kids off at preschool. Luke's teacher had a crest in her hand as she got him out of the car. It was PERFECTION. The surname was, like, hand EMBROIDERED across the top. The sections were like felt backed and hand cut and, well, impressive. I got this little clench in my gut. This moment of "WHO THE HELLS CREST IS THAT? IS MY KIDS CREST GOING TO SUCK? IS THAT THE LEVEL OF COMPETITION? AM I A SUCKY MOM?????"

Anyway. When we got to the Thanksgiving program I admit to anxiously scanning the family crest wall in my sweaty Ugg Jake tending Julia herding state. I was so. So. so. relieved to see that most people are normal. Most people were not hand embroidering their kids preschool homework. I scanned the turkey's plumage to see the same thing: two Mom done turkey feathers, and like 14 totally ugly, imperfect, yet beautiful feathers. I felt joy.

There was one other homework assignment, which I pretty much failed to pay attention to. We had to send in a list of three tasks that our child had done to help our family, and sign it. I admit to being that Mom in car line who was eternally grateful for my long form sticky pad and pen.....so that while waiting in car line I could scrawl "Luke set the table. Luke cleared the table. Luke puts his clothes in the laundry room". These were nothing special, these are just his jobs. In the Thanksgiving performance all of the kids had to stand up and recite the three ways that they had been helpful to their families, and then received a special feather. I was so proud of my boy as he stood up and recited ways that he helped his family.

So. That was the program. At the end we all got lots of food and even got to bring home a loaf of pumpkin bread that they had made during class! It was precious.

It was important to me. I see the perfect feathers, and the perfect crests........and I don't care. I have new found confidence in my desire to divert from my own childhood mandate of "perfection" into a new paradigm. It is okay to let things be imperfect, it is actually good. And if perfect Mom needs to be perfect, that may be good for their family, too. For me, it isn't. For me, watching my son want to share the fun of "homework" with his sibs is joyful.

Talk about gratitude......

I need to take a picture of Jake standing up in his puffer jacket.....with the hood up he looks EXACTLY like Kenny from Southpark. He talks about as well as Kenny does! Luckily his sibs are willing and able translators. We got in a lovely 4 miles today on a very cold but sunny day ~ Jake is the ultimate running buddy.

Preschool art is a treasure. In the list of "things I enjoy as a Mom" I would rate "making crafts" very low. I admit to having had visions of making fantastic felt and paper and paint creations (before I actually had children).....some image of this super crafty patient person (who I'm not) sitting around the table on lazy winter afternoons armed with a well organized and vibrant assortment of creatively stimulating crafting supplies and a cup of tea. The reality? It sucks. Jake goes all Godzilla on everything, I hate chaos, and admit to totally being that Mom who wants the crafts to be all symmetrical and aesthetically pleasing and whatnot. Glue everywhere, Jake sucking on an uncapped marker, glitter in ears and eyes and scissor incidents have taken over my "vision" here in the reality of Motherhood. And who knows, maybe I would have been "that Mom" if I had a kid every four years or so. Alas, I had three kids in 39 months and crafts became synonymous with torture, to me.

Anyway. I get extra special excited about preschool because while they learn all about taking turns and helping out and whatnot at home....they surely don't get the craft experience that they get at school. Every day they tumble into the car flushed and proud as they show me their latest creation. Today, Luke arrived with this. They could have picked anything. Toys. Pizza. Presents. Santa. He chose his sister. I started to cry in the preschool parking lot. I mean, it's not all that unusual, right? Family? A normal answer? But somehow the fact that he only focused on his Sister made me inordinately proud. I don't do all that much right as a parent. I plod along. I have stuck fervently to some of my ideals, and others have fallen by the wayside (like the vision of me, like felting glitter wool on a peaceful afternoon of tea and crafting). But the ONE thing that was most important to me was to facilitate my kids being best friends. To NEVER delve into the realm of creating competition between them, but to align them. To let them see one another as teammates, as playmates, as people that they want to protect and support. There was a lot of competition in my childhood, and I don't think that it served us well, ultimately. Our goal was to do differently with and for our kids.

So when I see the love that they have for one another, it gives me a special sort of joy.

I will say that while having my kids so close together presents special challenges (and special regrets....I constantly fear that I have done them a disservice by being so busy tending to all that I miss out on individual time with them as individuals).......there is absolutely a special sort of joy that comes from witnessing their relationships. I'm sure I've blogged about this before, but it continually awes me. I think sometimes that it is a covert gift....I know that personality wise I could have been one of those parents who had a penchant for achievement, that Mom who sat and did letters ad nauseum, the one who had their kid in 30 billion classes to encourage them to be the brightest or the best. Instead, fate intervened and kept me too busy to get hung up on achievement or milestone markers. It is a gift. A secret, silent gift. I can't brag about my kid reading at 3. I can feel joy about the way that they love and protect one another fiercely. Some days just knock me on my knees with gratitude. Today was one of them.

Tday minus one week.

My little tank loving on his babydoll. Jake weighed in at 31 lbs yesterday, he is 17 months old. That isn't all that much bigger than Luke or Jules at this age.....but for some reason this kid feels like a bag of cement in my arms. It is bizarre how heavy Jake feels. My back is suffering.

Oh! Fall. The joy of watching these boys jump in the leaves while Julia napped and Tessa was held tightly to me in the sling was awesome. This was on Monday, when we had 70 degree weather. Jake and I got in a 6 mile run and all of us reveled in being outside in the unseasonably warm weather.

I dusted off the Bumbo (which I have been meaning to get to Bec for forever) and gave Tessa her first go at it. This kid is already rocking her stylish self, even down to the jaded look! (I was babysitting while Becca went to the gym). I love, LOVE this sweet little girl. She makes my heart beat faster ~ and as much as I love her, I love handing her back to her Mama, too.

Oh, the indignities of growing up with a big Sister!

My silly girl. Jules declared "Mama, I want to MATCH fall" the morning that she chose this vibrant ensemble. Love this girl. Still curious about where this streak of fierce femininity came from.

Life is good. I got my first holiday induced anxiety moment out of the way yesterday ( It had to come at some point, right?!). We are hosting Thanksgiving this year, then hosting a post race party the following weekend. In between I'm lining up sitters, crossing off days for things like Thanksgiving Shows (Luke's class party) Gingerbread house making (Enrichment Christmas event) and holiday parties and family commitments out the wazoo. The kids are just flat out funny these days ~ they constantly are making me turn my back so that I don't laugh and encourage the funny and innocently inappropriate things that they say.

I feel like there is this social mandate which dictates that we, as parents, not have favorites.........but I totally enjoy each kid in different ways, and occasionally find myself enjoying one kid, or one phase, the most. Right now I am just eating up Jake. He is so cute, so rotund and solid and the most wonderful juxtaposition of body and heart......his body wants to tackle, jump, roll, dive.....and his heart just wants to hug and kiss, all day long. He is getting way less messy in the highchair, sleeps so well it is almost rude of me to talk about, and his hair is really coming in.....he is just positively edible to me. He is working on a lot more words, and lives for the moment in the afternoon when I tell him "Jake, go wake up Luke and Jules". He RUNS up the steps, laughing, and goes to each door, THROWS it open exuberantly, and wakes up his sister and brother (this is at 3:45 or 4..........they are still napping till then 4 or 5 days a week, other days they wake up at 3 or so.). He giggles when he nurses, he dives into bed at night, and he is my running and bubble bath partner. Sometimes I feel like Jake and I date :) Like we have this secret life apart from Luke and Jules and Nate ~ this time when everyone else is at school or at work or napping and it is just he and I, doing funny grown up things together.

Also

I'm feeling weird about this blog (again). First I took it private, then I cut the reader list down........but I have realized lately that I'm still putting a lot out there and would feel more comfortable if I actually knew who was reading and who just had access, so I can remove the extras.

So ~ If you would like to remain a reader, comment here, please.

We have a lot of changes coming up ~ in our family ~ great changes ~ and I'm feeling exclusive. So, please comment here as yourself if you want to keep reading ~ and I hope you understand :).

Thursdays.

This was my project last night. I got rid of two full trashcans full of stuff, and organized everything else. We are moving this from a playroom to an art room this Christmas, and hoping to move a few toys or lego type things up to the kids bedrooms.

My friday night dates when Nate is at school :)

Nate and I have not seen one another in a while. Nate took the kids to school last Friday morning, I came home Monday night at 9, he left Tuesday morning at 5:30, he got home last night (thurdsay) at 9, he left this morning at 7. He will be home tomorrow night (Saturday) around 5........which means we miss one another terribly.

This brings up the concept of schedules. My sister (with a newborn) asks me about schedules frequently: WHEN DO THEY HAVE THEM? I remember having one baby. I still viscerally remember his schedule. I remember having two babies, and manipulating their nap schedules with much luck......and I know that I am going to forget this having three kids this year (at 4.5, 3.5 and 17 months) schedule very vaguely. So, for posterities sake, here it is.

Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays: Bigs have preschool. Leave at 8:50. Drop off both by 9:15. Either go to gym or run errands or meet friends for sanity time. Pick up bigs at 11:40. Race home for lunch. Feed three (if Jake stayed awake). Put three to bed. Indulge in 2-3 hours of free time to nap, cook dinner, run errands or run (if Nate is home) climb in the tub, or argue on the internet,, depending on my/our needs.

Alternative: Jake falls asleep en route to pick up bigs.....Jake naps in car, I feed bigs while he naps in car in garage, and he wakes around 2:30. These are the hard days as I don't get much of a break and Jake is a pain in the neck come dinnertime.

Tuesdays: Go to gym. Kids have (free) t-ball, kids creative center, and game room. Have to pack Luke's lunch prior to leaving at 9. Leave gym at 11:15, to drop Luke off for lunch bunch/enrichment (his afternoon preschool). Wake up (grumpy) Jake and Jules at 2:40, pick up Luke, pick up CSA, go to playground, go home and cook dinner.

Thursday: Thursdays are the awesome day, as no one has school. That translates to going to the gym, the kids having kickball, creative center, and then taking everyone straight home (we live 1/2 mile from the gym) so they can all sleep for a good three hours of nap. This is my awesome day.

Saturdays depend ~ if Nate is at school we roll into the gym or see friends or do some community activity then head home for a lunch of leftover pizza, naps, and a countdown to seeing Daddy. If Nate is home, we do yard stuff, family stuff, or are out of town.

Sundays also depend ~ Nate is always home ~ so we usually go out to breakfast as a family, I head to the gym with the kids while Nate studies, and then Nate and I get to watch the first game together like the old days while the kids nap (THIS IS GREAT!) ......then Nate studies and we eat big. Sometimes Nate and I play golf....though that is getting more rare as winter is upon us.

Mornings? Most days Luke arrives in our room first, usually around 6:45. He climbs right in our bed (my side is near the door) and I love him to pieces. Many days I wake up before him and go downstairs for computer time, coffee, and general awakening. Jules usually gets up around 7:15. We read books, or they play, or they help me start breakfast (generally whole oats with raisins and bananas and flax seed come fall....yogurt and peanut butter toast and fruit are our alternates). They start eating around 8, when I go and wake up Jake. I nurse him while I play some more on the computer and talk to the kids. Put Jake in his seat to eat and go get dressed and lay out the clothes for the bigs while Jake devours his oatmeal and yogurt and fruit. Kids and I are dressed, so I go downstairs and get Jake dressed. We leave.

Afternoons: Depends on Nate's deal. If he is out of town we either have friends over, go to a friends house, cook, or go to the gym. We (seasonally) play outside, but now with everyone waking up around four our options are limited. This is the season when we tend to cook a lot, if Nate is home. The kids love to cook. We make muffins, or bread, or cookies, or prep dinner. Hence, my expanding waistline.

We eat as a family for all of our meals, Nate here or not. I love sitting around the table with these 3 little people :).

Post dinner I/we clean up while the kids go wild (they are very annoying during this time, for serious.. I'm tired and impatient) . Every other day we give them a shower (you would not believe how cute Jake is walking around the shower like a big guy), on the shower days, I let the kids watch a show ~ put Jake to bed ~ then do something like a puzzle or a game before letting them watch one more show. The general on demand line up that the bigs are into these days is one Berenstein Bears, and one Scooby Doo episode. If we shower, I put Jake right to bed (this baby sleeps from 6:45 till 8 am...........without a wimper) and the bigs get to watch two shows or part of a movie from 7 until 8 when they go to bed. We brush, read (we are into chapter books, these days).........we are reading the Magic Treehouse series and are on book 6.

This is life, at the moment. Schedule holds us all together without a ton of difficulty! The bigs dress themselves. They handle their bathroom needs independently. I do Jules hair. I cook for them. I nurse Jake. THEY NAP. My life is really pretty easy...........but don't tell anyone.

Vacation

On Saturday we took a beautiful hike up the Ridgeline trail at South Mountain, right near MJ's house. One is supposed to rest the day before a 1/2 marathon.....but who can rest amidst beauty like this?

Mary Joe, one of my favorite people over the course of the past 13 years or so.....even though we are thousands of miles apart our friendship never changes.

Finally warming up ~ It was COLD out in AZ! I changed my clothes about 5 times a day, I could not get a handle on the weather. When we left the house at 5:30 am to drive to the start line, it was just 43 degrees! Ouch!

At the finish! PR for both MJ and Julie, and we had a great time sticking together and talking all the way. It was 70 and sunny and just perfect by 9 AM when we crossed the finish line. Running with 6000 other women to raise money for cancer research is very emotional ~ I got tears in my eyes about 5 times during the run. The kids, in particular, always get me. There is simply something so moving seeing little boys holding up signs like "MY MOM ROCKS!" as you run by! Kills me. One constant hope I have while I run is the notion that my kids will see that they can do anything that they put their mind to, and that they realize that they are stronger that they know.

I am hopelessly in love with Julia. I only wish we lived closer, as I know that this Jules and my Jules would be fast friends, just like their Mama's.

There is nothing quite like it, once one becomes a Mother.

I was excited to leave. Not even slightly sad. I knew that the brood was in good hands, and I knew in every corner of my soul, that I was in desperate need of a break.

Nate's school is awesome. It has invigorated him mentally and career wise, and I am so incredibly proud of his dedication and hard work. That said, now that a little bit of the thrill of the novelty of it (aka, do you have to study tonight, dear? Do you want some hot tea?) has worn off I am seeing how it is really a little bit of a "suck the life out of you" schedule for both of us. It is good ~ would not change it for the world, especially as there is an end in sight (MAY 2013!!!)...but it just ain't easy, either.

I had a wonderful, restful time. I read two books, and spent time with one of my favorite people and her family, who I just love. I was reminded a bit about just what matters, and what does not. I came home relaxed and refreshed. I also came home to a nursing baby ~ and you know what, that is okay too. Jake will wean when he is ready. I'm rededicated to keeping my eyes on the prize ~ these people Nate and I are growing ~ and letting a few things fall aside a little. It can be easy to get caught up in some of the rampant materialism of our area, and this trip opened my eyes to little ways in which I was letting certain attitudes creep up on me ~ ones that I don't want to have. I also felt like I could run the 1/2 over again as I crossed the finish line. Personal goal for 2012? My first Marathon. Stay tuned. Need to snuggle my big kids to sleep now. Rested. Refreshed. Grateful.

I'm fired.

6 Mangans trick or treating together! All wearing Star Wars garb. The kids were so happy and excited running from house to house following their big cousins through the snow.

Queen Amidala utilizes her parade wave.

Luke's class parades and sings their Halloween songs.

Waking up to snow, early Sunday morning en route to the gym.

This is simply unheard of in PA in October. I loved it, in a weird way.

Kids, I'm so sorry. I promise you that while this written record may not prove it, you are having a lovely fall. We are in a whirlwind of school, birthday parties, weaning, all sorts of things. You are having a lot of fun.......so much fun that I am sitting here at 8:48 in my pajamas, in my bed, wondering why on Earth I am not sleeping already. I'm beat. You guys have way more energy than me, even in my new exercise deprived candy fueled state. We had a busy week last week ~ Nate away most of the week, then at school Friday and Saturday. I stayed up wayyyyyy to late during Laura's sleepover, and had to attend a birthday party with three kids in my charge at a Moonbounce place with total stranger people (school party, but with no one I knew there.). These were strange stranger people, too! I felt like I was in sleep deprived bizarroland as I chased Jake around in the middle of an October snowstorm. The snow ruined our plans on Saturday night AND brought us unexpected but welcome guests in the form of Meredith, Kevin, Riley, Timmy and Christopher, as the storm took their power. Enter a late Eagles/Cowboys game, some preschool parading, trick or treating with 6 kids through the snow.....and me trying to get the house/laundry/food/schedule ready for my departure sans entire family....well, here we are. I'm getting more tired writing about it.