Catching up, slowly.

Luke, at a birthday party this past weekend.

Julia took her pumpkin painting very, very seriously.

Mangans and Friends

Jake dawg and his pumpkin friend.

Tyler Arboretum's "Pumpkin days" was a hit. The kids got to go with Mom Mom and Pop Pop while Nate and I played golf.

It was a long week, which ended with a fabulous weekend. I'm feeling grateful for and appreciative of my life in a new, invigorated way.

I hope that everyone is enjoying fall and family as much as I am, at the moment.

I have a lot to say but no energy to say it.

I was making oatmeal the other morning when I looked over to see this. It makes me wish that my siblings had been closer in age to me. This just looks like a hot mess of fun.

Julia looked about 13 to me the other day as she trotted off to school.

They are so excited about fall. Their costumes arrived in the mail this weekend. Let's just say that they are *slightly* excited about Halloween.

I have a hard week ahead of me and would covet any good energy, prayers, juju, or whatever your personal thing is. Thanks in advance.

Aren't they lovely?

All pure and clean and sunny and all?

Except I now know what one of the worst statements a Mother can hear is.

I was saying goodbye to Nate as I left this morning. The kids were fed, cleaned up after, dressed, relatively clean, and ready for the day. I was like half of those things. I dared go into Nate's office for a kiss and a hug.

and I heard.............

"MOM!!!! JAKE JUST TOOK A SPOON AND PUT IT INTO THE TOILET AND THEN PUT IT INTO HIS MOUTH."

I strive for honesty in this blog. This is the honest.

I have spent all day gacking to myself thinking about the things that could be living inside of Jake at this moment. Technically the toilet was "clean", but we all know that nothing about a toilet is clean.

Mom award does NOT go to me, today.

Fall Festivities

Chasing the great pumpkin.

Jake, stealing. I picked it up off of the ground, so really he is stealing from the deer. Anyway. It kept him busy while we picked. Why are orchards built on steep hillsides? Not very stroller friendly, even with the BOB. This was a workout.

My boys. At one point Nate and I looked over and saw Luke lifting up Julia to pick an apple. So sad I missed that picture. He is a pain in the neck on occasion, but a great brother.

Why are these things so irresistible to parents and children alike? They are so silly, yet I have about 400 photos of my kids in them.

Jake loves the "Dogs". Not confident that he is going to be our sharpest kid. He is, however, our biggest. So he has that going for him. He has been walking around the house all afternoon while the bigs sleep yelling "FOOTBALL".

It was a .....great and terrible weekend? Nate woke up sick on Friday morning. Just vaguely weirdly sick ~ Like, achy and a terrible headache. He spent most of the day in bed. Saturday he woke up miserable. I cancelled our evening plans and admit to crying briefly while I made breakfast because I had been promising the kids all week that we were taking them to Highland Orchards for a hayride and other expensive fall entrapments. I texted my sister and my Mom to see if anyone could help me, but no luck. I think that when Nate saw me getting dressed he had some sort of outs of body moment of healing ~ and got up. I think that he recognized that it was fully possible that someone might die, or get forgotten, or sold, or something if I tried to tread solo with 3 kids into the insanity that is a local orchard on a 75 degree sunny day in October, after months of rain. He came with us.

Sometimes doing this seasonal stuff feels like a parody. Like, "insert family photo at farm *here*". It is canned. It is commercialized, even when one goes local and whatnot. It is like a money trap of fun photo opportunities for parents in the guise of being "natural". I need a friend to buy an orchard, or we need to buy our own, or something. That said, it is fun for the kids, if not for our wallets. The kids had a great time riding the tractor out to the orchard, they picked a plethora of pumpkins and apples, we got (only!) 2 mums, a lot of pumpkins both large and small, and green and white and whatever, a small wreath, our bag of handpicked apples....and left $140 dollars poorer. Kids are flippin expensive.

I made an apple pie, Nate worked on school and on feeling better, we had a quiet night and a nice dinner, though I missed entertaining our friends terribly. I went on a long, angry run Saturday afternoon. I ran too fast, and too far, and came home gasping with angry sobs of weirdness unrelated to my actual run. Sometimes I make things a lot harder than I have to ~ emotionally ~ and Saturday was one of those days. I wish some things were easier when it comes to things outside of our happy home.

Nate woke up again today with a paralyzing headache. ´I tried not to scream, and to channel all of my empathy into action. I will admit, I'm freaking tired. It's not necessarily the kids ~ it is the fact that for the past week or so I have been.....well, it. I've been it, when it comes to the kids and the house. Between Nate being home all week and working and studying, his school, lots of cooking, puke, laundry, food shopping, no babysitters, waking up early with the kids every morning, weird emotional medical stuff for me, commandeering the schedule of school and whatnot....I feel tired. Nate has been awesome, thanks to him working from home the kids could stay home from school and watch a movie while the rest of us went about our day.......but it was still just hard. I want someone to pick me up, swaddle me, and tuck me into bed. Anyway. I channeled my frustration into my workout at the gym. I got home, and Nate was okay enough to go to the Chili Cook Off in WC with us. We met Jeannie and Tim and sweet Henry, and Melissa and Matt, Becca and Rich etc.......but in the crazy hoards of people it was hard to actually converse with anyone for more than a moment or two.

It was chaotic, and hard with the kids, but delicious. We came home and caught a break ~ an hour of couple time while all of the kids slept and Nate didn't have to study. He went to his studying after that, the kids eventually arose (Luke woke up at 4:10. He walked downstairs and asked "Mom, are the Eagles winning? I said, "no". He said "Mom, the Eagles never win. Will the Eagles ever win?" I said, "Maybe not. But hopefully we will move".).

The Eagles and Jets both lost. My crock pot dinner was a little "meh". The house is pretty clean, the laundry is all done. I'm feeling a little low.

I could not possibly be more proud of Nate and the work that he is doing. I admire his dedication and his devotion. He amazes me. I admit to having my first hard week with it all this week, and surely it is illness fueled. I feel like I didn't get sick because I can't. I just can't. And this isn't a plea to over state my importance or whatnot ~ but sometimes I miss the reward of work in weeks like this. Like, the months where I may have worked 50 or 60 hours but I had physical and financial recognition for it. I miss that. Not the money (yes the money) but the recognition. And I have a wonderful, appreciative husband. And I have supportive, amazing friends. And the kids are really not all that hard, most of the time. I guess that sometimes there are weeks that even when you have a great husband, or great friends, or great help in the form of preschool or the gym, it is freaking hard.....Sometimes even surrounded by friends one can feel lonely or overly put upon. Sometimes the monotony of emptying the dishwasher or doing the dishes four times a day, or folding ones 12th load of laundry is enough to make me want to scream. This was that week.

So. It was a strange weekend. I hope Nate is better. Here's to an easier week ahead!

Defining moments.

The traffic jam we were stuck in, pre pukeapooluza. I only have a picture of this because I sent it to Nate, in traffic rage.

Me finishing my 1/2 marathon, at 1:46 (which was faster than I should have run, my smile here is an "Oh Em Gee I am bout to die sort of laugh). I somehow stole this onto my phone, by accident. I was very happy to be done, to say the least. This photo is totally unrelated to my post, other than that you can picture me like this, but with puke hands.

Jake, the lovingist baby ever, working his baby dating juju on his lovie Emily at a birthday party on Saturday. Our camera is lost, in case the phone pictures don't give that tidbet away.

They happen in all sorts of ways. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

I've had two, in the past three days, and both involve vomit. If you don't care to read about vomit, don't read on.

Background: On Sunday we had a big breakfast. Bacon, eggs, toast, orange juice, laughter, tired parents from a late night bad movie watching experience, etc. Nate had end of year last week, and a ton of school stuff going on, and was at school till Sat at about 4:30. I went for a run when he got home, then we all had a much needed dinner together. We got the kids off to bed easily, then settled down for some couple time. These days its a bit like "HI! I'm Melissa, I like to read books, work out, hang out with my friends, and parent three little kids"......and Nate is all "Hi! I'm Nate, I enjoy long nights of studying, working hard all day, and being an awesome Dad". The bonus to all of this was knowing that we were playing golf together on Sunday at 11.

Our much loved Brooke showed up at 10:15.......and started doing crafts with the kids (love Brooke)....and then Luke puked all over himself. We got him to the toilet for the grand finale......and left.

Yes, we left our puking kid. We did it at Brooke's insistence....but I admit that we didn't need much prodding. We wanted to go so badly. We had a great first three holes.....and it started pouring. Golf in 50 degree weather is tolerable......golf in 50 degree pouring rain? Not so much so. We are looking into moving to somewhere sunny after this past 2 months. Seriously? This is stupid.

We walked off after four, as did our playing partners, and went straight out to eat. We watched football, ate, and had fun in a way that we really haven't been able to since having children. It was awesome. And yes, Luke puked again, on Brooke's watch. And (despite my text begging her not to), Brooke cleaned it up.

So, we are the parents who leave a puking kid to go have fun. For shame, for sure.

We kept Luke out of school on Monday. He got to lay in bed watching a movie while I took Jules to school and then went food shopping with Jake. I got it all put away, went to get Jules, then decided that things were pretty much cool. The kids all napped for three full hours, then we laid low for the afternoon and cooked up some pudding, and I was sound asleep by 8:15. Today. All was well? Right? Went to the gym this morning with all three kids, then took Luke to lunch bunch at 11:30 (with his little lunch bag courtesy of Christine Wilson that just kills me with happiness). Jules and Jake were asleep by 12:30. She mentioned that her head hurt (HELLO HUGE WARNING SIGN, STUPID HEAD) so we read an extra book before bed. Jake woke around 2:15, I woke Julia at 2:40, we were out the door by 2:45 and all was well. Jules ate a fig bar before we left the house. She seemed fine.

Got Luke at 3. Headed straight to our CSA pick up. All seemed great, there was fun conversation and dance parties going on in the car.

We got stuck in this traffic jam post CSA on our way to the library. (insert traffic photo here, if blogger didn't suck). Jules said "Uh OH!" and started vomiting all over herself. All over, everywhere, mad puke. Now. I don't know if this is something that gets worse as we age (when I have a stomach bug I pretty much sob over the toilet wanting my Mommy), or what, but both kids were totally cool with it. They just, like, puke. No crying, just this weird stream, over and over, of partially digested food stuffs exiting their mouth, with this surreal calm thing going on), It was so weird watching this in my rear view mirror while sitting in a huge accident created traffic jam. She just, like, puked, And kept puking, totally calmly. Like, she was a spectator watching her body just do something that was totally out of her control.

Of course, this was all totally out of MY control, which made me feel distinctly uncomfortable. First stop was calling Nate to let him know we were coming home. I don't know why I felt the need to do this, perhaps I just needed someone to feel relatively bad for me, but I called him. Next step was to try to do a turn around. It all took about 20 minutes, due to the traffic. The whole time I was just thinking about how it must feel to be sitting in a car seat covered in puke but totally calm, as I sweated through my shirt at the prospect of cleaning it up.

Opened my window. Cause puke stinks.

Got home. Let Luke out. Left the car in the driveway to air it out. Went straight back to Jules. She was covered in puke, and so freaking cute and vulnerable and brave that I pretty much wanted to die. Had a hard decision to make ~ unbuckle her puke laden buckles, or walk away from my vulnerable girl to get a bag. I chose the touch puke option. This was my second defining moment. I reached right into her puke and undid the top and bottom buckles of her harness. Her lip quivered, for the first time. She said, "Mama, you just touched my puke". That nearly made me cry, but for the hideousness and logistics that were running though my head. Got my poor girl out, spilling puke all over the interior of the car as I did so. She hobbled to the door ....and I stripped her naked as soon as we got her inside. I ran her upstairs and put her into warm PJ's, and sent her to wash her hands as I ran back downstairs to get.....who? OH, the OTHER kid who was strapped inside the car. Safely rescuing a dozing Jake, I let him wander around outside while I gagged my way through cleaning up the detritus.

I had to go hand to hand with the car, but hosed off the seat (which had about a pound of puke) right into the yard.

This mothering bit is not for the feint of heart.

I'm happy to report that the rest of her evening has passed rather uneventfully ~ she had a bunch of chamomile tea with honey and is now resting happily watching her show with Luke before bed......but jeez. Puke finger. Gak.

In other news, I am trying to wean Jake. This is a first for me ~ the bigs weaned easily due to pregnancy.....but I am done. I really want to be done. I have been nursing or pregnant, or pregnant and nursing, since May of 06. That is a long ass time ago. I am ready. I want my body back, though I admit that it is spurred my an entirely selfish upcoming trip to AZ to visit one of my favorite people and run a race in early Nov. I'm split. Part of me feels awful, part of me knows that I am only nursing because I am lazy, and part of me feels like I am depriving my baby of what he wants.

I have always said that I would nurse as long as it was working for both of us, and right now I am ready to be done, so it isn't working for me. Wish me luck.

I feel like I've been complaining a lot.

And I apologize.

Because this blog is for my kids ~ and kids ~ you AMAZE me.

Have I mentioned that the way you love Jake positively floors me? You are raising him a lot better than I am. You are teaching him to love ~ his words are ~ Da Da, Ma Ma, football, ball, Dog, all done, hi, night night and LOVE YA..........and I know that love ya comes straight from you guys. I was amazed at Jake being my huggiest kid, until I spent these past few weeks observing Jake and his little life.........he has learned to be so huggy because he is greeted with your huge hugs every morning, because he kisses and hugs you every single afternoon before nap, and happily waves "night night!" to you before expecting his giant hug and kiss from each of you before bed.

Watching you do your kid thing today at a birthday party (with 80 people) I was blown away watching the way you treat your little tag along. You never, ever resent his presence. You don't give a shit if there are other kids around, he is yours. You never, ever, push him aside. You embrace him. You get excited to show him things. You get excited to "help" him do things, even wildly age inappropriate things like shoot a full sized basketball.

This has nothing to do with us. We can be inpatient, grumpy, people ~ yet somehow you guys (at least at this point) have a lot more grace and patience with this little bugger that we call Jake than we do. It warms my heart when I hear you ask for something "for my little brother". I was a little worried that the two of you would be this close knit team and Jake this outsider, simple due to the larger age gap between him and you guys ~ yet all of my concerns are for nought. You protect him. You welcome him. You love him. And it kills me.

I literally burst with pride. I don't care if it sounds braggy ~ I'm braggy, if it does. You amaze me. Thank you for being the best big sister and brother that a little boy could ask for. Your endless patience with our Jake is awesome, and I love you so much for it.