Phone calls

I spent the morning getting bloodwork, meeting friends at the gym for a workout, coming home for lunch, putting Jake down, cooking dinner, meeting Bec and Rich at the pool with my date Jake, picking up our CSA, and coming home for dinner. Tonight Nate gave Jake a shower, and I put him to bed, after a (relatively) glamorously late dinner of 6:20. We are party animals.

At one point I was doing the dishes and Nate was studying. I decided to call the kids. It was busy. Right as I heard the busy signal I heard Nate leaving a voice mail for his parents. It made me laugh out loud to think that we were both thinking of the kids and needing to hear from them at the exact same moment. It is amazing how the whole schedule bit works.....I find myself unfettered at times during my day when we are off schedule......and it doesn't matter at all. So ,SO free! Crazy. No dismissing the role that any parent of one plays....but this having multiple kids gig is exponentially harder. MY HOUSE IS SO CLEAN.

Anyway. Talked to the kids on the phone tonight.

Snippets:

Julia woke up Grandpa by grabbing his hand and saying "Grandma said that the amusement park is open, you have to wake up now!"

She led him directly into the bathroom and told him she needed a comb. He thought that she wanted it. Instead she insisted "Comb your hair, Grandpa!". He complied. She looked at him and said "Comb it more, Grandpa!". I swear my sister has to be having a boy solely because my daughter inherited my sisters gift for fashion/makeup/perfection etc...

*

I said to Luke (after hearing about a day of rides and ice cream): You must be EXHAUSTED!

To which he replied: No! I'm still LUKE, Mama!"

*

Then he told me that Julia dunked Grandpa on the Lazy River ("Mama they call it a lazy river because it goes soooooooo slowly!"). He said that it was boys vs. girls. He said that Grandpa kept trying to push the girls under the waterfall, but Julia dunked him. I have no idea what actually went down, but I love the image of Julia as heroine.

*

Next was the tale of the "snack" before they left!

Luke: "You will never guess what we had for a snack, Mama!?"

Me: Popcorn?

Luke: NO! COOOOOOKIEEEEES! And we didn't even take a nap!

I'm thrilled that they are having so much fun. I have the worlds best inlaws.

A Date with Jake

Luke and Julia are up at their Grandparents for a few days, and I feel like I had a day long date with Jake! After dropping the kids off, we had a quiet and delicious lunch together. He helped me sort through his closet and get rid of things, then we were off to a Dr's appointment for me. Following that we took a long two hour walk with Becca, as we tried to jiggle Jake's new cousin (due in two days) loose. We puttered around town on a knockout gorgeous day, shopping for olive oils and balsamic, hit Carlino's for some fresh dinner treats, then came home and had a quiet and delicious dinner together. We climbed into the Jacuzzi for a long bath, then he went easily and quietly down to sleep. Date day!

I don't quite know what to do with myself. I feel like I need to use every second to be organizing or doing big projects.....but there is a big part of me that just wants to put my damn feet up and enjoy the quiet and relax a little. I am admittedly a terrible relaxer, it simply does not come naturally to me. I admit to also needing a break from the kids. Being a Mom is just the strangest thing ~ I can't even say the words "Next year Luke will be starting Kindergarten" without getting teary (literally)........but man do I have times where I simply need a break. I need a break from the mess, the laundry, the noise. They are great and generally really easy kids.....but the amount of collective energy that a 4 and 3 year old have can be downright exhausting to mere mortals. I did a bad job of planning the summer. I only did one week of camp, and it was not enough. Lesson learned for next summer, believe me.

The silence is hurting my brain. I'm off to relax. Forgive the scattered ramblings.

Jake.

Because sleeping 12.5 straight hours every night and taking a 3 hour nap STILL leaves one exhausted. Oh, to be a baby!

I've been a terrible blogger.

The pace of this new life is slower in ways, yet frantic in others. We had friends in town and staying with us last week, which added to the chaos in wonderfully fun ways. Jake has a girlfriend, her name is Eloisa. Hell bent on either hurting her, pulling her paci out of her mouth, or smothering her in brutish bear hugs, I think that his version of love needs a little fine tuning. The kid is trying to kill me with his climbing, the table is his favorite dance venue and it is driving me a little insane. That said, his new three hour naps are a delight.

I feel like Nate and I are rushing around at breakneck speed just to fit everything in in a day. He studies a lot. I clean, and make food, and clean, and do laundry, and procure food, and chase children a whole lot. The gym and my girlfriends are my sanity right now.

I am so tired by the end of the day that I really just don't have much to say. Nate is now home until Thursday night, and I am looking forward to getting into a bit more of a normal routine, for even just a few short days.

Sleep eating. And Sleeping.

So this was a first. Sunday I went to the gym. We got home later than normal (12) I scurried to make lunch for the kids before naps (bigs at 1, smalls at 12:30). I was putting my own lunch together when Luke said.....Mom, Jake is asleep. I glanced up to find my boy soundly asleep sitting up in his highchair. A first.

Today, we had a similar day. Cleaned the house before I met my friends for a run and a class at the gym. Add in some post class talk time, and we didn't get home till 12:20. Quickly went into militia mode and made grilled cheese and cut up fruit. I finally sat down to hear "Jake is asleep again!" from Luke.

Got this sleep eating episode on my iPhone. (dork). This was after my laughter woke him from his sound sleep, and into this sleep eating episode.

He is not looking down. He is full on sleeping and chewing. If you listen carefully, you can hear his own snores wake him up enough to keep on chewing (if this downloads properly, anyway. I just tried to preview it and don't know if it all came through).

I carried this limp little tired snoring body upstairs and he slept until he woke up at 2:30 and I carried him into my room where he nursed and we slept for another hour, just like the 4 days before.

I can say that this has been a wonderful week, its been really different than I imagined it. I've gotten in the tub for a long read, and then taken a nap every day while the kids nap. While I miss Nate like crazy, we are into this. We meet friends at the gym or the pool every day. We eat lunch. They nap, I nap. We go on an excursion for a walk around town/shopping/haircut etc every afternoon, as dinners are hastily put together and/or shoddy. I bathe them every other day, one night smalls, the next night, the bigs. Nurse baby. A show for bigs while I lay with them or fold laundry. Several books. Sleep. Repeat.

Mornings, since Nate isn't in bed with me, I wake up at 6. I lay in bed and read. I hear Jake around 6:30, and bring him into my bed (vs. downstairs like normal, where he nurses while I am on my computer) and he nurses till 7 or 7:30. Sometime in that mix Luke, and then Julia appear and climb in my bed all bed headed and sleepy and sweet. I have sleepyhead kid in bed time until I can no longer take the stink of Jake's morning poop, and we all roll downstairs together. So fun! So wonderful to lay in my big bed with the bigs taking turns loving on Jake while he nurses and periodically makes us all laugh!

I throw in a load or two of laundry. Pick up the CSA share. Talk on the phone. Do computer stuff (necessary and unnecessary). The kids can be loud in the house as Nate isn't working. We talk about "team" a lot.

This is great. Can't wait to see Nate tomorrow....till then, thriving.

I will say that talking to Nate every day also makes me appreciate what he is doing all that much more. He is working his tail off. I am so proud of him.

Upside.

Playing in the lake. I admit to skeeving ponds....lakes are okay.

Brooke and her buddy Jules.

Bob Sled best friends.

Just released from our 7.5 hour car ride and eager to check out our new digs.

We have two days down. Two days down and 21 months to go :)

I got to attend a time management session for the spouses of people enrolled in Nate's program yesterday. It was great. I don't know that I necessarily learned a lot, but I got a lot of comfort from seeing and interacting with all of the other halves of the equation in this program. I also was very convicted concerning some of the uses of my time, and know that I have to implement some personal changes. I will say that it made me appreciate some of the things that we have done intuitively......I knew that with Nate's school on the horizon I really needed to set some personal goals ~ to have my eyes on some short term personal achievement sort of things other than simply surviving/thriving through this endeavor. My first goal was a half marathon that I am training for. The one obstacle that I didn't really plan for was my training in these last 6 weeks before my race. With Nate away all week, I have no idea how to run. I can utilize the gym, but that means running on a treadmill, which is hard for me. I don't like listening to music when I run, and I hate TV, so it is really hard to get into a running groove for the 90 or 120 minutes that I need to work towards on a treadmill.

My village came to my rescue. I got a text from a friend last night telling me that she would meet me at the gym this morning, and check my kids into kids zone for me. She was then responsible for them in the event of an emergency or incident.....and I was outside running to different towns. I ran through three different townships today! It was humid, and hot, and HUMID AND HOT and I had been up late last night.....so I just started running......as fast and as far away from the gym as I could get. My incentive was in knowing that if I was far away, surely there was no option but to run back. I got in 10 miles in the mid morning heat, and felt so lucky.

I know that the whole "it takes a village" thing is trite........but I love my village. I feel so lucky ~ while I don't have the help of my immediate family (they are all on vacation all summer and tend to have busier schedules than I do), I have my tribe of women. My friends. My champions. I have gotten more texts, and offers of dinners, and offers of sleep overs and play dates and whatnot in the past few weeks than I know what to do with. I don't know how people survive without a safety net......and in this case, my girlfriends are my net. I also have my in laws, who I love. Luke and Jules are vacationing for a few days at Grandma and Grandpa's for Nate's second full week away from us later this month. The idea of just having one baby is positively mouth watering to me ~ especially knowing how happy Luke and Julia will be getting the undivided attention of their Grandparents.

There is also upside to this spouselessness. I worked out this morning (never work out on a Sunday in the regular life). We played outside. The kids all napped for 3 hours while I took a long bath and a two hour nap. We helped a friend with an errand. We had a great dinner (sliders and swiss chard and sweet potato wedges)......the kids got baths. Laundry got washed, and is about to get folded while I watch "our" one show, True Blood. I miss Nate, but thanks to my village, I don't feel lonely. I feel like his time at school is also my time, my time to work on me, and my time to work on my relationship with my kids. My role is support staff: and I will tell you, it has the potential to chafe, so I am doing my best to keep the chafe at bay via personal enrichment.

We had a great couple of days. Getting through the weekend was huge to me. Tomorrow is Monday, I'm very used to Mondays without Nate. We are seeing a good friend and her kids in the morning, and I'm treating myself to a massage in the afternoon. We get to see Nate on Wednesday at the family picnic, which I am really looking forward to. I feel confident that at least a few good friends are going to come out of this experience ~ I loved some of the women and men that I met in the spouse group.

All in all..........it's okay. I'm relieved that we are underway.

Catching up, slowly.

Playing in Mirror Lake. Our kids first time swimming in a lake.

This may be my favorite picture in recent memory. The entire series of trying to get this photo is hilarious ~ Jake kept trying to usurp his brother and take the throne, so you see me in various stages of belly laughing grabbing Jake up and putting him back in his spot. We finally had the good luck to snap this one. We had like 12 seconds to get it as we were rushing off to a boat ride on Lake Placid.

On top of the Olympic ski jump. It was.....scary. I can't even imagine the nerves those men and women faced riding up the lonely elevator shaft to the top of the jump. I have an entirely different appreciation of this sport after perching from the precipice that they depart from. I felt all, LUKE! JULIA! HANDS! HOLD MY HAND! WATCH YOUR STEP! DON'T DIE! armpity sweaty the entire time we were up there. I had no idea that the Lake Placid area would be so magnificent. Heights don't scare me. Heights with small children? The stuff of my nightmares.

I love this photo. Jules could totally be Brooke's daughter. I love my Jules, and I love my Brooke, and I don't know what I would do without wonderful caregivers like her. To say that she is part of our family would be an understatement.

Us, being naughty. We snuck into some super elite resort under cover of darkness to snap some photos. Jake was sleeping in the car. It was night one "put Jake to bed in the pack and play via tourist stuff" plan, and it went off without a hitch.

Tonight is last night eve. Last night before the actual last night when Nate starts school. He has been out of town since Tuesday, but is now home. He is off studying, and I am enjoying the song of the crickets as I sit on the deck on a lovely evening.

I had an awful Monday and Tuesday. Re-entry is so hard after vacation. Food shopping with all three kids, unpacking, laundry, tired kids (they shared a room on vacation via bunk beds ~ we sat outside their room listening to the priceless and incredibly hilarious stories they told one another....but they stayed up super late entertaining one another)....well, it was just a lot. It was hard for me to fit that transition into the simultaneous transition of solo parenting after being used to having Brooke and Nate having my back.

I cried Tuesday night. I felt like yelling Mom. I don't want to be yelling Mom.

We set some new rules. I apologized to my kids for yelling the past two days. We set objectives. Luke's objective was to keep his hands to himself. (He gets enthusiastic at the gym in spider mountain and jump zone). Julia's objective was to not destroy our home (she gets unduly creative on non paper surfaces). My objective was to not yell. We had a big meeting, the kids and I. Nate was out of town. We have achieved our objectives for two days. I am amazed at how simply setting an intention can be a great incentive. Motherhood is really hard. I think that one of the best things about it is when you can admit your weaknesses to your kids, talk about theirs, and set a plan to hold one another accountable. I can't tell you how much better I have felt in the past two days. I apologized to my kids, and they showed me grace. When they show me grace and compassion, I want to do better, to be better. I find myself allowing them grace in their mistakes, as after stating my objectives, I am more aware of my own. I am so lucky to know these little people.

This?

This is officially the summer of "this?" for Jake. I was laughing out loud as I looked at our vacation photos and I realized that Jake is doing "This?" in almost every one. He points at everything, all day long, saying "This?". Luke was the exact.same.way, only he said "Dat?". We used to call his pointer fingers his "Datters". I guess that makes Jake's his "Thisers".

We just got back from a fantastic, amazing time in Lake Placid. A totally weird diversion from the beach for us, and it was wonderful. Brooke (who is like part of our family, now) came with us and a great time was had by all. More on that later. Nate starts school Saturday ~ he will be gone for more than half of August, two straight weeks (not in a row, thankfully) and a few short work trips here and there as well. I'm ready. He's ready. The kids are ready (sortov). We are ready. So bring it, school!