Girlz.

I've got nothin on the picture front, so I am dipping into the archives.

This was my Jules and I on her first birthday, and is one of my favorite pictures of my sweet girl. What a fun day that was.

I was away from the kids this weekend ~ enjoying time with some of my girlfriends down in Cape May.

It was the first time that I have been away from the kids (without Nate) since giving birth to Luke some 31+ months ago (but who's counting? :)) I can joyously say that Nate did a fantastic job with the kids and allowed me to enjoy my time with my friends with nary a panicked call. I was both proud and grateful. It is so nice to have a husband who is such a great father, and who takes his job of Dad very seriously. The grapevine tells it that he put the kids in some rather strange outfits (Jules was rumored to be a pink on pink pepto~ish wonder on Saturday), but that goes with the territory. Thank you, Nate, for treating the kids to a great weekend with their Dad while Mom got a chance to relax and recharge.

I know that I have talked about it before in my blog, but the value of my girlfriends is unable to be quantified. I honestly don't know what I would do without the input and support and advice and kindness and empathy of my friends. I feel quite certain that I would not be as confident or as happy of a Mama as I am without them. Being able to share our struggles, share our joys, and share our experiences is just such a blessing to me. I feel so lucky to know and to love their children, and to see them know and love my kids. I love the fact that we all have our slight differences in how we parent, yet have total respect for one another and recognize that we are each doing our very best to raise these young people who we love so much. My friends teach me so much.

Motherhood is HARD, folks. Yes it is natural, and yes it is the source of the greatest joy I have ever known, and no I would not trade it for the world ~ But it is HARD work. It is heart wrenching, it is scary, it is exhausting, it is humbling. And to have a league of people just one short phone call away ~ people who are going through the very same thing, is invaluable. To be able to confess that some nights I cry when I am saying Luke's prayers as I pray to be a better Mama tomorrow, and to hear that every.single.one of my friends does the same thing is so infinitely liberating. To get the "true Mama confessional" phone calls every other day or so makes me know that I am so not alone in always wondering if I am failing in some way. (FYI the true mama confessional calls begin something like this~

"My husband just walked in the door and I handed off the kids and I am going shopping for underwear and I am going to take three hours just to make sure that they are asleep before I get home so that I don't lose my mind"

Or~

"Today I don't like one of my children. I did like them this morning. But then they put a stuffed animal down the toilet, resulting in a several hundred dollar plumber visit, and then they colored on the dog and I feel like a failure because I feel as though I have yelled at them all day long".

And.... we laugh. We talk about it, and we laugh. We commiserate. I make the same calls too. We need the support, the mutual understanding, the forgiveness that only another Mother facing the same challenges can offer. Thank you to the friends who shared this past weekend with me, and to all who didn't. Thank you to my far away friends, my friends with older kids, and younger kids, and those whose blogs I laugh and cry at. Thank you all for helping guide me along this crazy ride called Motherhood. Thank you for allowing me to share your joys and sorrows, and for bearing mine as well. I am proud to call all of you my friends. My life is so much the better for each of you and your place in it.

(It was so very great to get away............and so very great to come home. My children never smelled as good as they did after 2 days away from them. Positively edible. I think that I took off a layer of skin with my homecoming kisses)

"Up High"

Another new game. This one is called "Up High". I guess I don't need to explain much about where the kids got the name or how it works.

Having a two and a one year old is built in exercise. I cannot believe how physically demanding motherhood is when you have young ones. They clamor for "Up high" over and over and over. Luke has gotten into saying "one more time!" 300 times in a row.

I just finished putting Luke to bed for his nap. I made the mistake of reading "The Giving Tree". Ugh. I made it to the second page before I dissolved in full body wracking sobs. Sobs to the point where Luke started patting my back saying "You okay Mama? Mama you saaaaad?". Between that and the book "Someday", I have been all too aware of the whole cycle of life, lately. I look at my Grandmother and Grandfather, who are battling age and age related issues, and I look at my sweet little babies, and I know that it all happens much too fast.

I am off tomorrow for my first girls weekend since the kids were born. I am beyond excited. I can't wait to spend time with my girlfriends, and I can't wait to call home and talk to my wee people on the phone. I love that they get to have Daddy all to themselves for a weekend. While I will miss them terribly, I think that it will be good for all of us. If Nate calls any of you in a panic, please come quickly.

"My Julia" ~ 18 Months

Baby girl.

Today you are officially 18 months old. I would say that I can't believe it, but that phrase has gotten trite at this point. I get it now. This time goes too fast. Its sickening and bittersweet and amazing to recognize that the tiny newborn that you were just a moment ago in my mind is now this huge, strong, determined and funny little toddler who lives in my heart.

You had your 18 month well baby visit yesterday. You are rocking it at the tip top of the chart (97%) for height and the 85% for weight. You have turned into a little charmer. After a brief stint with temper tantrums in early summer, you seem to have learned how to control your emotions better. I have fallen in love with you in a whole new way this summer, as I came to learn that the things that can make you difficult at times are actually your best assets and the things that I most treasure about you. You know your mind, little one. You know what you want, and you have developed an astonishingly broad vocabulary to help you communicate those wants. The things you say at 18 months old blow me away. You can be obstinate, but suddenly I see how you use that obstinacy and determination to do a task to completion. You LOVE to "help". Nothing makes you happier than having a job ~ and no matter how menial that task is, you do it until you master and complete it. You have become my big helper putting clothes in the dryer, or emptying your sippy cups out of the dishwasher. You love it when I put the chef hat on you and you join me in the kitchen while Luke is at Pre School. You suddenly cannot get enough of books, and will even sit by yourself for an hour at a time "reading". You drag them around the house to me asking "Mama read dis book Mama?". Your little nurturing instincts are incredibly evidenced lately. You SCREAM with joy when you see dogs, or birds, or bugs, or really any living creature at all. Anything more than one is "two" to you. You see two dogs being walked and you scream with delight "Mama TWO doggies Mama, Ruf Ruf Ruf"......then you see a flock of geese and scream "Mama TWO birdies Mama, TWO!". So while nurturing may be a strong suit, counting is not ;). You love music. Anytime you are feeling grumpy about anything, like a diaper change or getting in the car, a simple song soothes you. And you insist on telling me EXACTLY what song you want to hear. Your favorites are "Rain Rain go Away", "Ba Ba Black Sheep", "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and the ABC song. You can sing at least part of all of them on your own, and you frequently walk around the house singing to yourself.

You love other babies, and have the personal space parameters of a European. You love to get your face as close as humanely possible to any baby or animal or bug that you choose to interact with, and squeal with delight as you say "Hi baby hi baby hi baby!" until satisfied that the baby does in fact recognize your presence inches from its face. You are frighteningly tough. I have seen you brush off falls that initially take my breath away. You are cautious yet unafraid, you have yet to have a serious bump/bruise/cut because you assess your surroundings and seem to have a solid understanding of your physical capabilities. When you get especially excited you scrunch your little nose up in this expression of delight that just melts me. You are still a Mama's girl, though you have zero separation issues at the gym or with our babysitters. You love your brother fiercely. You ask for him as soon as you wake up, and you pretty much want to be exactly where he is all day long. The feeling is very mutual. He insists on calling you "My Julia". You eat like a feral animal ~ you take eating very seriously and are a ferocious and meticulous eater. You love to "cheers" every.single.person at the table, every mealtime. You love your "Muman" (Mulligan) and ask for him and "Louie" (Luke) every morning when I pluck you out of your crib. You love water and have no fear of it, you will float on your back in the ocean with my arms under you and just let your body go limp as you laugh with abandon. You are a great sleeper and go to bed with one song, one prayer, and a kiss. You sleep from 7-7 or later and nap for at least 2.5 hours every day. You are stubborn, and you like to test your boundaries and you like to say that word "NO".....I am learning that laughter is the key to turning your No's to Yes's, not allowing it to become a power struggle between you and I. Stubborn as I am, you may out stubborn me, baby girl. So to humor we go, and it seems to be working well. You are teaching me new things every day, and growing me as a Mother. You are so like, yet so different from Luke, and I am benefiting from learning how to be a good Mom to you, as you have different needs and different wants that you ask of me. You are still nursing, so we hit the goal that I had originally hoped to achieve. Your wispy blond hair is really starting to come in now, and you just look so feminine to me all of a sudden. You have this cute sing song totally girly voice, which I love. You kiss your "babies" all day long and love to push them in the stroller. Anything with a handle goes over your wrist as a "purse" (where you get this I have no idea as you never see me carry one). You are obsessed with shoes and like to bring me any shoes that you find laying around the house. Anything even remotely able to go around your neck (a shoelace, a scarf, a ribbon etc) instantly becomes a "necklace, Mama, necklace!" as you model it proudly for me. You are a little girl all of a sudden, not a relatively gender neutral little baby anymore.

I love you, kiddo. You are my daughter, my joy. Happy half birthday to my girl.

Take me out to the ball game.

The family M, in the booth.

Julia in the broadcast booth, wearing their actual headset. She took the role quite seriously, as usual.

Jules loves her some baseball. She stood for almost the entire game, bouncing up and down and making her scrunched nosed face of delight.

Luke and Julia, on a cloudless night, getting MLB baseballs while standing on the field during batting practice. Who could ask for anything more?

Watching batting practice from the Phillies on deck circle.

Sitting directly behind home plate.

The whole family. The stair step height set up thing is 100% accidental, and made me laugh when I looked closely at it.

What a night. We went to the Phillies game to celebrate my Dad's birthday. It was planned months ago, and was a night out that was offered as a fund raiser for my high school. We decided to treat Mom Mom and Pop Pop to a game, bring the kids, and have a great night at the ballpark. Due to a long story that involves luck, good friends, and good timing, we ended up last minute moving from our mediocre seats into VIP seats and a tour of the field, the broadcast booths and front row seats right at first base. Giant thank you's to the family friend who made this possible.

It was a perfect, cloudless night. The kids were fabulous. To see my 2 and 1 year old standing on the field at Citizens Bank Park being handed balls from major league managers was a treat that I never thought that I would experience. To see Jules sitting in the actual broadcast booth with the headset on her head and the city skyline and the ballpark at her back was surreal. To be able to celebrate in such style with my parents, husband and kids ~ beyond belief. We got to meet the entire broadcast team, and got to say hello in passing to the Phillies hottest two prospects Michael Taylor and Kyle Drabek right before they received the Paul Owens Award, given to the teams minor league players of the year. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. Last night, thanks to a friend, we won. Last night, the Phillies did too, as Cliff Lee pitched his way to a shutout. Go Phills.

Happy birthday to Pop Pop (whose actual birthday is tomorrow) and Grandpop, whose actual birthday was yesterday. We love you both so much!

New Games

New games.

1. "School". School consists of putting on backpacks, and running around the island giggling and laughing until someone falls down, then laughing harder. I hear "Mama, I's gonna play school with my Julia now?" 10 times a day.

2. "The Procession of the Species". Luke and Jules were recently handed down this fantastic collection of old school animals. They are obsessed with them. 30 times a day the animals come out ~ Julia pulls each one carefully out of the giant tub, hands it to Luke with the seriousness and meticulousness of a surgical assistant. Luke solemnly takes each one and lines it up just SO. Each of the animals come out and is appointed it's proper place. The creators prance around and look at their procession, then declare it time for the "animals to go night night". The exact same routine is initiated in reverse order. The lid is placed back on the box, and the animals "rest".

Have I mentioned that this whole "them playing actual games together" thing has freed up a lot of time for me? It is fantastic. Baby steps towards actually being on top of things are being taken for the first time in what feels like a long time.

The first picture was taken from our deck this morning. I love our view. It was the first thing that I saw when I came down the stairs before the kids had woken up, around 7 am. For some reason it reminded me of our period of 5 AM wake ups last year, and how bleak life felt at times in that dark phase. Waking with the sun, instead of before it, is a blessing indeed.

The other pic is of Jules in her new attire. She prefers the helmet look now while playing in the driveway. How I wish I had thought of this with Luke and Jules back in the "learning to walk" phase. Many a boo boo would have been spared. Speaking of attire, may I take a moment to rant about the price of children's shoes? RIDICULOUS. We went outfitted them both with their fall shoes this Saturday, and it was painful. Someone could make a killing supplying cute and well made shoes for less......... there seems to be a huge void in that market. Babies are cheap. Kids are getting expensive. And teenagers? I don't even want to THINK about it. Thank you to all of my good friends who have supplied Julia with pretty much her entire fall/winter wardrobe ~ your hand me down's are worn with much love and appreciation around here!!!!

It's a crazy busy week ahead. I am out 3 nights, the kids are going to a Phillie's game with us and their Grandparents tomorrow, we are celebrating the birthdays of Grandpop and Pop Pop, and Luke has his first week of regular school. Buckle your seatbelts...................

School, Buckets, and Football.

My big guy had his first day of school today. In true Luke fashion, he ran into his classroom with hardly more than a "see ya Mom!". I was upstairs for "orientation" ~ Finding out all about what committee I am on, when we serve as classroom Aids, provide snacks, and all the rest. Nate came along ~ I have to tell you how proud I am that the kids have such an involved and loving Dad.....and I have to tell you how funny my 6'2" husband looked sitting on a preschoolers chair. Luke did great, and I already love the other Mom's in the class and am looking forward to our upcoming Mothers coffee. He was so proud of his star sticker "Cause I cleaned UP Mama!", and that he learned how to "only pretend" to eat play dough.

My Mom came over this morning with the backpack that we had picked out for Luke and his big guy school. We picked it out about two weeks ago. About a week ago I got an email from the school saying that they had found that the kids were doing so many art projects that backpacks were a difficult way to transport them, and to please INSTEAD of a backpack, send your child to school with a bucket that they would use to transport home their artistic wonders each day. DOH!

Every year of my childhood my Mom and Dad took a picture of us standing by the mailbox, where she had always planted Morning Glories. Knowing that Luke was going to school this fall, I continued the tradition by planting Morning Glories this past spring. I hope to take a pic of Luke in that same spot for many many years to come. He was not thrilled to be posing, but tough luck kid. I was bound and determined to get that stupid picture :).

Now. Here is the thing with me. I was raised by Super Mom. You know the one? The one who handmade every Halloween costume, baked homemade bread, decorated her home (and others) was classroom Mom every year, hand wrapped every Christmas present (even the teeny tiny ones in the stockings) and had a bagillion friends because she was the most giving thoughtful generous person on Earth. I am not Super Mom. In fact, some days I find myself feeling more like "Super Suck Mom". BUT, somewhere deep within me is planted the notion that I could or should be Super Mom. So. The BUCKET THING. I immediately panicked. I had to make the perfect bucket. Like, with his name. NO, with his monogram. And hand paint it, of course, and get one just the right color and blah blah blah. That was a week ago. That did not happen. So. Plan B. Go to fancy schmancy store on the way home from play group that sells personalized and monogrammed buckets. Ask if they had a "Luke" bucket laying around. No. Asked how long it would take them to monogram one for me. "When do you need it?" asks saleswoman. "Thursday" says procrastinator Super Suck Mom. "Thursday like TOMORROW? Sorry, they take about a week". "Oh, shoot. Well, how much do they cost?" Asked SSM. "$30" replied fancy schmantzy store worker lady. So, I left, bucket less as I would rather Luke use my mop bucket than spend $30 on a stupid plastic pail.

So last night found me at Michael's. I decided to use the bucket that we use as Luke's Easter Basket as his masterpiece carrier. I wandered the aisles of Michael's totally depressed at how everything there made me feel like a failure. I got nauseous walking by "fun molding clay!" and "rainbow glitter glue Popsicle sticks!" and all of the other bagillion "fun" things that I am supposed to long to while away an afternoon doing with my kids. I found some cute letters that I decided to use to put his name on his bucket.......then realized that they cost like $2 and all I had with me was my credit card. A glutton for punishment I made myself walk the entire circuit of the store looking for something else I could possibly buy ~ you know, something crafty. I walked out with some construction paper, my stupid letters, and some sticker coloring book thing. Letters went on bucket last night, and off to school Luke went today.

I'm not as sad as I thought I would be. It feels less like an ending and more like a beginning.

Speaking of beginning......it is FOOTBALL TIME, the season kicks off tonight! A high holiday around here. Wishing all of you sports fans a season of joy and victory (unless you root for a team playing against my Eagles!) and may you all find warmth and fun and friendship in yet another season of NFL awesomeness. We are celebrating with a giant pasta dinner and turning on the fireplace for the first time. Go Eagles.

(And because I love my husband, go Jets too. Rah rah rah............)

Dem Flowers

A PSA from Jules.

It may be trite, but it sure is true.

Don't forget to smell the flowers. Life is short, and friendships make life beautiful.

Happy birthday to Jeannie, and Jenna, and Dee ~ And thank each of you for the celebrating that we got to do with you over this indulgently social and gloriously weathered holiday weekend. We love you all!

Big guy stuff

It was a week of firsts.

Luke's first entire week as a potty trained big guy.

His first day of pseudo school (it was actually just a meet the teachers and kids play day at his new school).

His first real haircut (as opposed to his one or two prior mullet shaping experiences).

Thursday morning was our first day at school. It was a very informal thing ~ just the parents and the kids and the teachers for 2 hours at the playground of Luke's school. I admit to being nervous. In fact, I even admit to calling my Mom on our way there and leaving her a voice mail letting her know where we were going ~ and getting teary as I left the message. I KNOW. I KNOW it's just preschool. I KNOW he is just 2.5. I KNOW that it is just two mornings a week. Yet. Yet it still feels so big. Such a mixture of excitement and pride and fear and change. We chose a co-op preschool. Which means a lot of parental involvement, committees, and relationship with the other parents and teachers and kids. I was excited/nervous to meet the other Mom's and kids. I know that I have been a mother for well over 2 years now, but the idea of me (Melissa!) as "The Mom" is still equally thrilling and unsettling. Which is strange ~ I'm hardly a "young mom".....yet in so many ways I still think of myself as a kid. So. We went.

Luke is pretty much the most easy going and independent kid I could imagine. No fear. No separation anxiety. Just a happy go lucky little dude who welcomed a chance to do dangerous fun climbing on new playground equipment surrounded by new kids. There are a total of 10 kids in his class (2 teachers and one parent aide/class)..........which meant 10 Moms standing around the playground. 10 Moms and one Dad, that is, as Nate stopped in on his way to golf to meet the teachers. Being a Mom is like dating again. The same covert sizing up of situations ~ but instead of checking out clothes or ring less fingers it is an attempt to put a kid with a Mom, and a name with a face. Its great to say that we all never judge or make assumptions ~ yet we do, all the time. Glancing around ~ seeing "perfect mom", "mom in full make up", "harried stressed mom", "nervous helicopter mom" etc...... is always just a funny moment. I was thrilled to learn that we have a bunch of great Moms in Luke's preschool. I was instantly enamored by the totally beautiful put together Mom of 5, and then equally impressed by the Mom's of one, and the older Moms, and the younger Moms. It seems like a great mix and I look forward to interacting with and forming friendships with all of them. It was so much fun to watch the kids interact and to recognize that these kids are going to become a huge part of Luke's life over the next year/s. I was really impressed with the teachers ~ they seemed kind and fun and truly interested in simply meeting and understanding the kids and their parents. Luke is in the gender minority ~ 6 girls, 4 boys in his class. He is also in the potty trained minority, being one of two potty trained kids in the class. Our official orientation/meeting with the directors is this coming Thursday, and his official first day of school is on the 15th. The first pic is of Luke and Jules right before we left for school that day. Luke is looking rather Amish with his shaggy hair, and Jules rather put out at the idea of losing her brother for two mornings a week.

To address the Amish look, Luke and I had a date this morning. While Nate and Jules went to Home Depot, Luke and I went to the barber shop. My brave and funny little man sat in the barber chair as though he had been doing it his entire life, and laughed as she cut his hair, exclaiming over and over "It tickles Mama!" as she took the clippers to his head. I can't believe the difference. I can't believe what a little BOY he suddenly is. We continued our post haircut date with a trip to the farmers market and the grocery store ~ between the picture perfect weather and my sweet boys company my heart just felt like bursting with joy. I felt positively overwhelmed with gratitude for the happy little guy by my side.

In other news ~ Julia is no longer just Julia. She is now known as "My Julia", or "My little Julia". If Luke wakes up first from his naps or in the morning, the first thing that he asks is "Where is my little Julia Mama?". Luke seems to think of his sister as part and parcel of himself. Even at the barber shop today when the barber asked him how old he was ~ he said "I'm two, my Julia is one". Jules reciprocates the love ~ and my daughter is apparently French. Her brother (to her) is Louie. Every morning when I go to get her out of her crib the first words out of her mouth are "Where Louie, Mama?".

So. Here we are. Luke is potty trained and starting pre school. Jules will likely never wean, and has decided that itsy bitsy spider is the best song on Earth and hearing it sung 3,000 times a day is insufficient ;). And Louie and Jules are the very best of friends.

Super September

It's cool. It's crazy. It is only September 1......and hot dang I am loving the adherence of the weather to the calender.

I laugh at how we get to the beach and sigh a huge sigh of relief of "being on vacation"......then get home and sigh and even bigger sigh of "oh jeez we are home".

Groceries. CSA. Fruit share. Routine. Friends. Change. Life.

I feel liberation at being home. My kids feel so easy. The weather is so beautiful.

There are a million things on my mind : Luke's first day at school this Thursday (preemptive playdate meet the teachers thingy). The fall schedule, the one kid in pre school thing, the clothes, the food. the bagillion things that are wonderful and burdensome and joyous and scary.

The one kid in diapers continues to be this novelty, this indulgence, that I revel in. The long naps, the Nate at home, the way that the kids will play for an hour in the playroom as I do some housework or cooking............

This time one year ago I was heading into the dark period. The "OH SNAP Jules is 6 months old and crawling and needing solids and it's the sickness time of year and the darkness and the two nap thing". I have to say that I love my blog if solely for the purpose of looking back at a year ago and recognizing how difficult it was.....and how easy today seems.

I am in disbelief that this is actually fall......I fully believe that more summer is on the plate (I hope so, anyway).....but I love this weather. I know that the darkness of winter follows ~ so I find myself watching what I hope for.