So happy

We are at the beach for the next two weeks. Part of my vacation includes vacation from the computer.

This is Jake, flirting with his swing the day before we left home. The reason he is flirting? The batteries died about a week ago. He used to love his swing and to watch his little "friends" up above his head, spinning and making noise. When the batteries died, we realized that we didn't have any D batteries. Then Nate went away all week, and Brooke was off, which equated to no trips to the store for me with the three kids. However, I continued to put Jake in his swingless swing. For a full week the poor child laid in that swing smiling and cooing and otherwise trying to entice his "friends" to commence with the spinning and music making. I feel like I can see him wracking his little brain as he tries to figure out the trick ~ "What the HELL?????? WHAT did I used to do to make those stupid things spin and sing????". Poor guy. Watching his flirting, however, is priceless.

The other happy person is ME. Jake is now sleeping from 7-7 or so with only one wake up/nurse. I feel like a new person. Not only that, we have our favorite babysitter in the world with us Nannying here at the beach. To say that having an extra set of hands is wonderful is an understatement. I am in heaven. It makes my/our life so much more enjoyable, and Brooke could not possibly be a better fit to help out our family. We love her. The kids love her. It is awesome. We are actually managing to do some vacationing rather than simply having more work in a different place.

Even with an extra set of hands, it is simply busy busy with three kids three and under at the beach. I have started to become like my Mom Mom, who never said the right kids name at the right time. It is worse, however. The other day I referred to the boys as "Lake and Juke". It has caught on, and the kids have new nicknames.

See you in a few weeks. Happy August.

Portrait of an Artist

We busted out the finger paint this week. Luke had a blast, while Jules watched from the paint free safety of her exersaucer.

Both kids have been napping for over 3 hours. I don't know what to do with myself. This is far and away the longest period of time that I have had without a child (during the day) since Julia was born. This one nap thing rocks the house.

I'm off to try to remember what I used to do before I had children.

Sprung.

Goodbye to the Toyota.

The ole gal went back to the dealership on Friday afternoon. Three years ago I picked her up as a childless woman, and by end of her 3 year lease she had dents from two car seats pretty firmly embedded in her leather seats. With no accidents, flats, break downs, or speeding tickets in those three years, along with safely carting two newborn babies home from the hospital , she treated us well.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I shed a tear as we drove her for the last time. I'm weird like that. End of an era and all that jazz.

I met a mom at our gym a couple of weeks ago who had kids who appeared to be close in age, like mine are. I asked her how far apart her kids were, and she told me "Well, these two are 14 months apart, but they are # 3 and #4 in our family.....our first two were 14 months apart, then 18 months till #3, then 14 months till #4." Do the math on that, and her first child was still 3 when her fourth child was born. THAT'S busy. I immediately asked her what the heck she did about naps. The Julia napping from 9-12 and Luke napping from 12-3 thing was simply killing me. I never ever had a moment to myself, and it was hard to do some of the things that I wanted to do with Luke. She told me to get her to one nap ASAP.

We have been working on this for the past couple of weeks. I gradually moved her morning nap later by as long as she was happy each day. This whole week Jules and Luke napped at the same time. Like a prisoner sprung from jail I have been on the go every single day for a week straight.

Monday ~ Morning at the gym and an extra long yoga class
Tuesday ~ Had 3 friends and their toddlers over for the morning and lunch
Wednesday ~ Playgroup
Thursday ~ Please Touch Museum with our friends
Friday ~ A friend and her two kids over for the morning and lunch.

Saturday we spent the afternoon at the Villanova game, and Sunday had friends over for the Eagles game. This morning we were at a birthday party. Tomorrow we are having a friend and her 3 kids over. Wednesday playgroup. Thursday a pre-school open house. And Friday going to a friends house. It's a binge.

Like an addict who has had their first taste of the forbidden substance, I got a taste of freedom and am going hog wild with it. After months inside the house, occasionally for a day, or three days in a row, I am drunk on my new found morning freedom. I am intoxicated with the 2 to 3 hours of alone time that I get from 12-3. I hardly even know what to do with myself without a kid underfoot. I need to slow down a little bit........

I had been totally impressed with the way that Julia was handling the two-soon-to-be-four teeth that are already in/coming in....until last night. Last night she went to bed at 7, but had me up at 11, from 12-1, 3, and then woke Luke up at 5.....I got about 4? hours of sleep. For the past few months I have been sleeping through the night, every night....so last night felt unduly cruel. We tried to snuggle in Luke's bed for a bit, but he would not go back to sleep. Nate relieved me at 7 when Jules woke for the day, and I got a great 1/2 hour of sleep while he took the kids downstairs to get them fed.

I'm tired. Heading to bed. All this freedom is simply exhausting.

Sunrise

Sunrise from our living room yesterday. Lovely as it may be, I wish that I had not seen it EVERY.SINGLE.DAY this week.

5.30 AM is just a cruel cruel time of day in the winter. I'm not friendly this week.

The Scoop on Poop

Luke, AKA the Mad Kisser, swoops in for another big wet smacker as Julia tries to get away :)

We are officially using free diapers from here on out. The money that I spent on the cloth diapers is now less than I would have spent on disposables over the past 5 months. With a little time under our belt now, I am thrilled to say that the decision to switch to cloth diapers was the right one for us. They are easy. They are cute. They make me happy when I put them on my kids, or pull them out of the dryer, clean and fluffy and warm. There is a little bit more grossness involved than when using 'sposies, but not enough to really bother me. Motherhood is filled with so much grossness anyway that after a while you start to get rather immune to it. We use several different kinds of diapers, bumGenius 3.0's, Thirsty AIO's, Happy Heiney's, Haute Pockets, Dream eez fitteds, prefolds, and Imse Vimse and Bummi wrap covers. There are some that I like better than others, but overall there is not one that I do not like. I am a convert, and so is Nate.

In other poop news, Luke now uses a potty every day. Maybe once, maybe twice, or even 4 times like a couple of days ago. I don't know what to think. I am proud of him, but feel a little (lot) blindsided by this. I'm not ready to even think about potty training Luke. At this point I'm just following his cues and not pushing anything (I have nightmares of hearing "Mom I have to go to the bathroom" for the next gazillion years whenever we are on long car rides or in stores or really just anywhere in general......I don't feel at all ready to go there yet.) Changing diapers may get old at times, but it doesn't even compare to dealing with "accidents" and disgusting public restrooms, and all that comes with the potty trained young child. Not. Ready. Am I a terrible Mother for not so secretly hoping that this is just some weird phase and he forgets all about his current desire to sit on and pee in a potty?

While on the "am I a terrible Mother" kick, I have another confession to make. I'm not excited about Halloween. I'm really just not. I have a little of the "want to be the perfect mother and hand make the perfect costume" bit in me. I'm not proud of it, I wish I didn't have it, in fact, but its there. Last year, with the ease of just one child, I actually did make Luke's costume. This year, it just ain't happening. So I trotted off to the costume store and picked one. Blah. Its just not as much fun. The whole idea of taking the kids out trick or treating isn't even exciting to me. Jules goes to bed at 6.45 ~ all I can think about is "Why am I planning on trotting my infant around in a costume past her bedtime, she has no idea what is going on, what is this all about???".

In other news, Julia has settled into her schedule. She sleeps from 9-11.30 or 12 every day, than again from 2-4. She goes to bed by 6.45 or 7. She sleeps straight through the night. BUT ~ she wakes up at 5.30. 5.30 is a cruel time of day. She is happy as a lark, and wants to chit chat, and nurse, and play grabby face with me, and crawl around and get into everything.......but the child is UP. Which means that the Mama is UP. And you know what, I hate it. I hate 5.30 in the morning. Its still dark for several HOURS. And with the Phillies in the world series and the late nights that watching that is demanding, I am toasted at the moment. Just bone tired.

Should the Phils win, my children are going to the parade with us.

Please win, Phils.

Sleep

The kids have both been in bed for the night at 7 pm the last two nights. Life is good. Its enabled me to do exciting sexy things like mop the kitchen floor and do laundry. (party!). I'm not ashamed to admit that when Nate is away I fall into bed like a zombie before 9 pm most evenings. I can't make it through an entire Phillie's game to save my life.

I believe in letting my babies find their own schedule. I see it as my job to simply pay attention to and anticipate their needs, as I believe all babies naturally fall into a routine that works for them at some point in their development. Jules is apparently at that point. It happened so naturally and easily with Luke, that I was hopeful that it would with Julia also. It's different with your second child as you don't have as much time to study their schedule/needs and you are always having to still respect/work around the schedule of your first child ~ I just sortov trusted and sure enough it all came together. She takes a morning nap of about 40 minutes around 9.30, then a 2.5 hour nap in her crib from about 11 until 1.30. Then she cat naps for another 45 or so around 3....then off to bed by 6.45 or 7. She wakes once around 10 for a quick nurse, then again at 1.30, when she nurses and falls immediately back to sleep, then sleeps till between 7 and 8. I do find it amusing that they seem to be tag teaming their naps ~ Luke still takes two naps a day, so he sleeps from 9-11, Jules 11-1.30, Luke from 2-4. Hm. Fab, as it gives me lots of alone time with each of them, but leaves me in the dark as to when we are supposed to go out and do fun things. What I find is working at the moment is to take a long walk right after breakfast, get things done while Luke is napping, play outside with him while Jules is napping, and then get out of the house, to either the playground or the pool around 4. That takes care of that weird chunk of time before dinner when nerves tend to get a little thin for me.

I refuse to run errands with my kids. I think that it would be miserable for them, and miserable for me. Sometimes it means that my life is more simple than I might ideally choose. I don't always have the birthday gift or card at the appropriate time. I have put decorating our house on the back burner, even though it desperately needs it. I don't do a lot of pleasure shopping. I get my groceries delivered (which if anyone is pressed for time is simply the most wonderful thing in the world ~ free delivery specials are almost always available, and the big strapping delivery guy brings my groceries right to my kitchen island. Heaven). I have a sitter for 3 hours a week during the day, which is when I run my errands, kid free and happy.

I was talking to my friend Amy when we were down at the beach, and was asking her how she liked being a stay at home Mom. She, like me, had loved her career while she was working. She, like me, said that she loved being home with her son, and would not change it for the world. I loved her actual answer. She said that "I take being a Mom seriously. I work hard to be a good Mom. Some days that is a million times harder than working ever was." I could not agree with her more.

He wakes up running.

I wish that I could wake up as joyful and energetic as Luke does. I am a morning person (unlike a certain person who shares my bed.....) but I still don't hold a candle to the kid. We have a morning routine that consists of Nate going to get Luke after he has been babbling in his crib for a while. Nate changes his diaper, and brings Luke into our bed for some family cuddle time before Luke and I actually get up for the day. This morning Luke awoke at 7, and Nate went to get him as usual. Its a dark and very rainy day in PA, so it was still dark in our room at 7 AM. Luke came into bed and we stuck him in between us as usual, but today, as it was so dark and 7 am is on the early side of Luke's waking up continuum, we tried to keep our eyes closed, instead of playing with him as we usually do. Luke thought this was HILARIOUS! He cackled with delight, while sticking his sticky little baby fingers directly into our eyeballs and nostrils gleefully. He grabbed onto Nate's nose as though it was a handle, and gave us wet slobbery suck-face "kisses" until he had us both cracking up. Then he commenced with his favorite "non grabbing or kissing Mom or Dad" bed activity ~ Scaling Mt. Pillow in his quest for the holy headboard. Luke LOVES our wrought iron headboard. He climbs up the mounds of pillows and can now reach up to the very top of the headboard. Once he has reached his goal he literally screeches with the thrill of the conquest. Luke is being a parrot for Halloween ~ and I swear, standing up way above our heads, cackling and screeching, he sounded exactly like one. I raised one eyelid and looked up at him ~ my little man, arching his back with laughter, wearing his striped pajamas and his polka dot socks, looked EXACTLY like a bald escapee from a mental asylum. The cutest little escaped lunatic you could ever hope to see, let me tell you.

In other news, Luke seems to be phasing out his middle of the night (3 or 4 am) feeding. Last night he went to bed at 7 as usual, and slept till 6, had a bottle, and slept till 7. This is wonderful, and has been the trend this week, with him even sleeping as late as 8. Heaven. The only issue is that he has me very effectively sleep trained......I wake up around 3.30 every morning waiting to hear him. One beautiful side effect ~ this morning as I was laying there I felt Deuce start to move.....and when I put my hand on my belly I felt two distinct kicks from the outside. That was the first time this has happened this pregnancy. I have been worried that this pregnancy would not be as thrilling or special to me now that I have already "been there done that" if you will. But in the still dark of the night, feeling those two distinct little "hello's" from my tiny unborn babe with my hand....tears came to my eyes instantly. I honestly think that it was the first moment that I truly became aware that there is a baby in there. Our baby. And I love that baby already.

Excuse the bad pic, I need to take some new ones.....this Luke and I having a wrestle during dinner the other night....he in his PJ's and me in my gross gym clothes. I won the wrestle with a convincing pin/tickle combo maneuver. Someday Luke will likely tower over me, so I'm taking my wrestling victories while I can still get them. :)

A time to think

So. This little bundle of laughs has decided that 4 AM is the perfect time to fill up his belly, and then lay, wide eyed and alert, feet crossed and fat little fingers interlaced over his burgeoning belly, and ponder the meaning of his existence. He stares at the very dim light in the middle of the ceiling in his nursery, blinking, thinking, the weight of the world on his little shoulders. Occasionally he turns his pensive little gaze up to my eyes, then usually follows that up with a gouge to my eye or inside a nostril, it's lovely. It's very tranquil, very sweet, but very hard on his pregnant Mama who is dying to climb back into her own bed. Something is all wonky with his sleeping these past 24 hours.....there are disadvantages and benefits. I am finally getting out of that first trimester funk, and rather than continue to feel overwhelmed and upset by all that has to be done surrounding our upcoming move, I decided that yesterday was going to be the day that I was "back". I was going to clean, I was going to organize, I was going to be ruthless in my throwing away of clutter. The day was absolutely beautiful, the air cool, the windows wide open etc etc.....We went and took Mom Mom Jule out to lunch, and then got home just in time for Luke to settle in for his nice long 2 hour nap, enabling me to morph into the cleaning banshee I was visualizing. One issue, Luke didn't get the memo. For the first time I can remember in a long time, Luke had NO interest in taking an afternoon nap. None. Just not happening. Now, I cant complain too much, because he could not have been more pleasant....I sat him on the floor of whatever room I was tearing apart, and let him make a mess while I cleaned up a different one. He was so content, so happy to play with whatever was at hand, but was not going to sleep. This epic awake period continued until 8.30 PM when he finally succumbed to sleep. Then came the 4 am feed-and-think-fest, but then the little critter slept till 8 am. (For those of you without children, that is akin to me sleeping till 11 in the days of old, Luke is up at 6.30 most mornings) I woke up convinced someone had stolen him in some sort of dreadful sinister Lindburg~esque plot. (They didn't, he was scrunched, butt up, happily conked out in his crib)

Would love to go on and on about this (my day got better from there, a strange biker man showed up at my door, helmet in hand, and I realized how protective I have become when I started immediately thinking "what can I hit and hurt this crazy man who is coming to steal my baby with", rather than "oh, I wonder what the kindly looking older gentlemen at my door wants, maybe he is in need of help") and then I fell UP the basement steps (quite a feat) and smashed my belly into the load of laundry I was carrying, and my face into the brick wall. Pretty. Baby seems fine and face fared less well, but hey, the bruise/scrape adds a little character.
The little stinker just dropped a bomb that smells as though it deserves immediate attention, so I am off. We are going to see the family portraits from the beach today ~ I am hoping that we got some great ones. If so you can probably all expect to see a family shot gracing your mailbox this December in the oh so trite "Have a baby and start with the photo Christmas card" bit. We are simply so original. :)

Gifts from my Boys

Yes, this is a picture of Nate teasing the baby with fatty pork products.

But that isn't what this entry is about. This is about the gift that my guys gave me in the past 24 hours.

Yesterday I had a Dr's appointment. At this stage of pregnancy that consists of sitting in the waiting room for one hour, experiencing the indignity of handing a nurse a cup filled with your own urine, and then seeing the Dr for about 3 min (after the 65 min wait), long enough for him to tell me that my blood work looks great, and send me on my way with a pat on the ass. Just kidding, no pat on the ass. But it feels like a verbal pat on the head ~ great job! keep it up! see you in four weeks! DING. Next patient. Baaaaaaa....the assembly line of pregnant sheep continues to wind through the office. Anyway, that isn't what this post is about either.

We went to King of Prussia mall to meet Becca for some lunch. As I was driving home, Brooke called me and cancelled. She was supposed to babysit Luke last night so that Jenny and I could take advantage of the awesome right-behind-home-plate diamond club Phillies tickets that Dad had given me. Nate was in DC and planning on being home later that night, so I was relying solely on Brooke so that Jenny and I could go. As it was about 60 degrees and raining, it was NOT a night that I wanted to take Luke to the game with us. I was so disappointed.

I texted Nate the bad news and he said that he would take care of it. Turns out my sweet husband left DC early to come home and take care of Luke so that Jenny and I could go to the game! The depth and breadth of notes that I left was a little embarrassing (This is Luke's food, this is his bib, remember to change his diaper, his pajamas are laid out etc etc etc.....) Anyway. Nate got home right at 5.30, we performed the "hand off the baby" routine, and Jenny and I got to the game well before the start. It was a great game, and the Phils won 5-4, Ryan Howard stole his first base ever, and Nate took Luke to watch his first ever football practice down the street at Henderson. It made me so happy to think of my boys hanging out together at home, and it was just so great to have several uninterrupted hours with Jenny without one kid or another pulling at our leg.

I got home and Luke was safely tucked into bed (still breathing too, I checked) and appeared to be in one piece, as did Nate. How proud was I? It was great.

Anyway. I haven't really gone into it here as I have been away so much, but we have been having some sleep issues around this house lately. In the wake of two weeks of Luke sleeping with me most nights on our vacations, the little critter seems to have taken a liking to having a warm food source nestled up directly against his little face all night long. Imagine his dismay when we got home and aforementioned food source and nurturer extraordinaire was nestled away next to Dad in another bedroom. Agony. Luke was up several times a night lately. So we started the whole "sleep training" thing on Sunday night to get us back to the happy place of Luke sleeping through the night.

Cutting to the chase here, Luke slept from 8 PM till 7 AM! I was THRILLED (although I admit I woke up in a panic and rushed into his room when I woke up and saw that it was light outside........he was sitting up happily looking around his crib when I entered his room....it's funny to think of him having this little 'secret life' of alone time in his room, looking around at his stuff and thinking whatever little thoughts babys think)

So. A night out alone with a girlfriend, and a FULL night of sleep for this pregnant Mama. I am over the moon with happiness. I love my boys.

We have playgroup today so I need to get it into gear, we had to miss last time as we were recovering from the "blood in diaper" incident, so I am so excited to see everyone, chow down and have our kiddos play (I have to brag that our playgroup has the best potluck lunches in town ~ we know how to eat!!!). Now that Luke is crawling playgroup is going to be a whole new world of exploration. I cant wait.

Slugger

So Luke has HANDS!!! And TOES. And he can even use them with some degree of skill! While those of us who know and love Luke have been aware of this for some time now, he seems to really have woken up to the reality of all that is attached to him (well, not ALL that is attached to him, but that awareness will come all too soon I imagine....). Appendage adoration. He has a whole new fascination with all things BODY. If his entire fist is not shoved down his throat to the point where its making him gag, his toes are. Included in this body love is his new obsession with other peoples faces. His latest trick is to grab on to both sides of my face, as though to pull me into a passionate kiss, but instead of the kiss he pulls me to him and starts sucking on either my chin or my nose. He did it to Aunt Becca yesterday at the gym and made her laugh out loud. I guess that this is a precursor to those baby kisses where they just lean towards you with their gaping, gummy, wet mouth and plant one on you. While I nurse him his free hand turns into a roving menace ~ his interest in my mouth knows no bounds. He very impolitely grabs my lips, my nose, and occasionally throws an eye gouge in there for good measure. The free arm is a terror! And those nasty little baby claws ~ No matter how frequently I attend to those fingernails I cant stay ahead of the game. Nothing is safe. Not my hair, not my jewelery, not my other breast *wince*. I spend half of our nursing sessions defending my parts. Very relaxing.

We had a great time up at Amy and Gary's house on the 4th, despite the less than seasonal weather (think fall). Amy, Luke started crying when we tried to take a pic and then we never got back to it ~ Blame my bad baby for your pic not being plastered to the top of this entry :). Thank you again for having us.

The beach was wonderful. Luke is utterly spoiled with love and attention by his Mom Mom and Grandpop, and we had a great time. No one has Grandpop's touch when it comes to putting Luke to sleep on the beach. No one. Not even me. Which means.........it's now Grandpops J O B !!! We caught 3 fantastic days of sun, and managed to keep the kid relatively un~sun~damaged. No small feat.

Somehow, while I wasn't really looking, Luke seems to have gone and established a SCHEDULE on me. He wakes up between 7 and 8, naps for an hour, sometimes 2 starting around 9.30, naps around 1 for maybe two hours, and then throws in a little cat nap for good measure around 4 or so. That gears him up to pass out around 7.30 for the night. Its fantastic. I like schedule. Good work Luke.

PS, the pic is of Luke with his very first baseball bat. A real Louisville Slugger, from the factory, courtesy of Becky and Milt. I swear, by the time his teeth actually come in he will have that thing ground down to nothing ~ Its his new favorite chew toy. Thanks guys!

How Sweet It Is

So Luke got to spend a wonderful three days at his grandparents house this past weekend. The weather was absolutely beautiful, and he even got swimming lessons from his Grandpa. He took two long naps nestled on Grandma's chest, and had plenty of opportunities to show off all of his new tricks. We spent a few hours at the dog park with Matt, Janine, and Sal as Mulligan, Rosie and Bauer ran around like dervishes for two hours. We also got to see Joey and Erin, who are welcoming another baby in January. Other than that we were spoiled with lots of home cooking, rest, and movie watching. Thanks again for treating us to such a wonderful time!

This is a hectic week and I already feel it taking its toll on me. Its hard to have the baby out of his rudimentary routine for a full week. It can get frustrating and make me feel like we are going backward sometimes ~ when he is sleeping in our room like he does when we are in the Burg or at the Beach it can get difficult as I try to find a place to nurse him in the middle of the night, try to allow Nate to keep sleeping, try to change his diapers in the dark etc etc....I have to do a better job of realizing that sometimes I simply can't keep everyone happy all the time, and when Luke is in our room it will just mean less sleep for both Nate and I. The hard part is that I think that it means less sleep for Luke too, and that worries me and makes me wonder if we are too "on the go" right now while he is still so little and trying to establish routines. I know that come Fall things will settle down some (Well, except for Myrtle Beach in Sept and Italy in Oct). In the meantime I need to keep on loving my baby and staying as calm as I can. He is probably more adaptable than me at this point.

I am learning a lot about what it means to have a baby in the summer. I had never in my life thought about whether or not the windows in my house being open was an issue or not. If it was really hot, down went the windows and on went the AC. If it was cooler, the windows would all be wide open and the breeze and night air welcomed into the house. Now, with the baby, the first thing I think if I hear him wake in the night is "are the windows up or down??" ~ The last thing I want is to disturb the sleep of our neighbors. It's a bit annoying. The window status dictates how long I let the baby fuss for before going into his room. When the windows are open I also find myself wincing every time a big truck drives by, or someone honks their horn etc etc.....Last night I was nursing the baby around 2 am, and an airplane was seemingly spiraling around directly over our house. (the windows are currently open, of course) I have never heard anything like this, I swear. It sounded like ice cubes in the cuisinart, or wooden blocks in the dryer. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a true talent for taking a small, normal thought, and, like a squirrel with a nut, taking that simple thought down a long and winding path that most frequently ends in some sort of horrid death or dismemberment. This unusual talent is only exascerbated in the middle of the night, alone, in a quiet nursery, in the dark, with nothing to distract me. So last night this plane had me so pissed off I could hear nothing but the plane, it seemed as though its stupid engines were right there in the nursery with us. I had bizarre thoughts, like, maybe the nuclear bombs are on their way and the government sent out these horribly loud planes to wake up the whole nation, and get us to turn on the TV to find out that we had our last hour to do whatever it is people would do in their last hour on earth. You know, make love, call your mom, get your soul right with God, gorge yourself on chocolate or heroin or whatever it is you would do if nothing mattered anymore. I pictured the plane crashing into the nursery in a blaze of fiery glory. I imagined that the whole rest of the world must also be awake like me, perhaps mobbing the streets, staring up at the sky, wondering what the heck was going on. Luke somehow seemed pretty unconcerned about the plane (or the fact that his mother is borderline insane) and finished eating. I put him back in his crib and went back to my room, where I tried to get back to sleep. All I could hear was the plane. I got up, pacing around the room like a caged animal, looking out the windows as though visually identifying the offensive plane would quiet it. I glared at the blissfully snoring Nate. I honestly had to fight the urge to wake him up, as though sharing the horribly annoying experience with a grouchy, tired, angry at being awakened husband would somehow make it better.
In the end, the plane eventually flew off to bother other sleeping Americans, and I pretty much tossed and turned for the rest of the night. If this entry makes no sense, please understand. I was tortured last night.

Welcome back!

Sleep, that is. Luke is upstairs sleeping away and its 9 am ~ you never realize how much you love and need sleep until you have a few nights without it. This past week has been tough, no place on earth can be as lonely as a baby's nursery at 3 am ~ you feel impatient, and worried, and then angry at yourself for being impatient......and then your neck and back start to hurt from sitting in the glider nursing and falling asleep at the same time ~ your head falling forward, you jerking it back up, over and over and over. You start to feel as though you may NEVER sleep again, when in fact it has just been a few tough nights. I guess, like anything, you just adapt, but man do I have a new gratitude for how great of a sleeper Luke has been since day 1. I'm guessing that the ear infection is clearing up.
Last night we were treated to "the Luke show" ~ He sat in his 'saucer entertaining the two of us for about an hour. We were both sitting on the couch, and he was facing us from a few feet away ~ simply delighting in looking back and forth between Nate and I with the biggest, gummiest grins I have ever seen. He is big into eye contact all of a sudden ~ a simple thing like looking around, but not at him, while saying "wheres the baby" ~ and then locking in on his eyes can send him into utterly ecstatic spasms of joy. Its so nice to be able to entertain him so easily ~ I already dread the days of "Mom, I'm bored" "Mom I want a gameboy" etc etc...

Play with your Rag

Yes, I actually caught myself telling my adorable, sweet son to "play with your rag" yesterday. We were in Gymboree getting some clothes, and he was being fussy, so I parked the stroller and carried him around the store on my hip while we shopped. (Side note, ugh, 6-12, 9-12 month clothing already)
After I paid I put him back in the stroller, handed him his less than totally clean burp cloth and told him "Here Luke, play with your rag" ~ I did a double take at what I had just said and started laughing out loud. Thank God I never had any aspirations of being "Perfect Mom" ~ I doubt Perfect Mom would be caught dead offering her son an icky rag to play with.
Luke, my boy, you had a rough night last night. You had me up at 1,2,4 and 6.30. Sheesh. You ate as though you were starving each time, too. I don't know if its the fact that you now roll all around your crib, and wake yourself up, or if you are in a growth spurt and just need to eat more, or if you are beginning teething, but wow. I realized how spoiled I am by the way that you sleep through the night, and have since you were about 8 weeks old.
We went food shopping today, and I noticed myself lingering for a while in the baby food aisle. Not sure if that was related to the fact that I felt like the lone chef at the towns only all~you~can~eat buffet last night, or if it is worry that he only gained 2 oz last week, or what, but I found myself flirting with the idea of oatmeal. He will be 18 weeks or 4 months exactly tomorrow, the 13th. I am still hoping to not intro any foods until 5 months, ideally 6, so I was surprised at my temptation. I appeased myself with buying him little baby spoons, but no food. That ended up feeling good enough for now. This whole desire to do the "right thing" by your kid combined with the legions of conflicting advice out there is a mess. Add in the simple "fun" of getting to watch your little one eat, and it becomes a real commitment to NOT offer food until later! I keep telling myself that introducing cereal/foods is simply NOT in his best interest at this point, even if it means more frequent nursing to get us through this growth spurt. Anyhow, I'm rushing through this as I have to get it together for playgroup, and nurse my power eater son.