Get Away

We are at the beach. Jules in Luke's old crib, Luke in the bed. Being here, I think back to last summer at the beach ~ nursing all the time, opposite nap schedules and the trials of two babies in cribs, and life feels very easy right now in comparison. Its simply amazing how quickly life/phases/trials come and go with babies. Not that they ever really go I suppose, they are just replaced with new phases and trials. I was just emailed this pic from a friend who took it last spring~ I was at Jeannie's wedding shower and Nate had both babies for the first time. He had Jules in the bjorn and Luke running around at a friends kid's lacrosse game. Big day for Dad. I can't believe that this little thing is almost one! We are simply hunkering down and relaxing down here ~ had a great breakfast at the Mad Batter this morning and are going to cook up a feast of seafood tonight. Its been nice getting away from the phone/computer/chaos that is home.

Luke sings now. We have been listening to two CD's from Laurie Berkner for a few weeks in the car. "Bootie Bootie Ya Ya Ya" and "This is me, this is me, this is me and my energy" seem to be my new theme music. Sexy. For whatever reason, those two songs in particular caught on with Luke and we sing them all.day.long. I love hearing his raspy little boy voice sing. He has changed me. I have the worlds worst singing voice (actually, my brother and I are probably neck and neck on that one ;)) and generally become a bit physically ill at the idea of having to sing in public.....but the joy of hearing Luke sing has me walking around singing all the time lately. Its embarrassing, but worth it. I am becoming a (bigger) dork at such a rapid pace its beginning to frighten me.

MARCH is almost here and I am so excited. Spring, baby, spring.

So funny

This was dinner tonight. Nate is away. It was all me, baby.

I write this blog for you guys. I hope that one day you read it, and laugh/cringe at me, and mock all of the "uninformed" things that we did "back then" (like people of my generation feel about the fact that babies were supposed to sleep on their bellies, or not breastfeed, or whatever).

I hope that one day, when you think that I am the most evil or non-understanding or un-cool person EVAH....you will read this and know in your heart of hearts that as sweet little babies, you thought that I was IT. You found me so funny. And it made my heart sing when you did.

Right now, at barely 2 and almost 1, you guys are an easy crowd. And I love it.

Tubes it is

So, tubes it is. Ironically enough, my happy sweet easy baby girl had an ear infection when we went into the ENT DR yesterday. It's almost funny. If not for the Dr's telling me that she had ear infections, I wouldn't know it most of the time. She plays happily all day, takes great naps, and sleeps all night. Her only illnesses to date have been ear infections.....but we are now on her 7th from 3 months till 11 months. The decision was pretty easy. I will say that I am so glad that we chose a pediatrician who is affiliated with CHOP. CHOP is consistently ranked as the top childrens hospital in the nation. They have an ambulatory surgery center all of 3 miles from our house. I know that as far as surgeries go, this is probably about the smallest one could have, but it still makes me feel better to know that we are in great hands.


I could go into great detail about the hearing test, baby eardrums, head shapes, recommendations all that jazz, but its surely insanely boring to anyone but me. Her surgery will be March 16th (three days before her first birthday.....nice of us to give her a fun "lets have surgery!" birthday present, eh?). I'm anxious, but confident in our decision.


Jules celebrated turning 11 months old by becoming a walker! Luke started walking on the day he turned 10 months old, and Jules followed suit by choosing the day that she turned 11 months old to start walking. I'm so excited, I have to admit that I have no nostalgia over this milestone, with spring right around the corner I am really looking forward to having two walkers. Crawling babies and wet playground simply don't mix very well.

In other news that only a mother could appreciate........we put the highchair in the basement. Luke is at the table and Julia in the booster. Its awesome. Don't get me wrong, the highchair served a wonderful purpose, but as Jules has only been on table food for the past 2 months now, it was an easy transition to make. My house feels bigger without the highchair, and I am simply loving not having to clean it 5 times a day.


We are still nursing, and I have this very distinctly schizophrenic thing going on with it. I have moments where the thought of weaning her in a month or so makes me giddy. My goal was simply to never use formula with her, and we have essentially achieved it here on the cusp of a year. (For all of my formula feeding friends, in no way am I knocking formula, I used it from 8-12 months with Luke out of necessity, and I was grateful to have that option!) Three straight years of being pregnant, nursing, or pregnant and nursing has me longing to have my body back to myself again. I want to go on a diet. I want to not have to think about how long I am going to be away from home, or rush home in time to nurse her before bedtime.

On the flip side, as soon as I envision actually weaning her, I panic. I'm so not ready to wean her. Jules just still seems like so much more of a baby to me than Luke did at this age. I don't know why. Perhaps Luke being so kid like, by default makes her more baby like? Maybe its those lonely two teeth and bald head (or front of head, in Julia's case ;)? I just can't imagine giving up that half hour or so of cozy laying in bed morning nursing, the way I can comfort her during the day with nursing, or the little bit of quiet time alone with my girl as we nurse up in her room before bed. Maybe its the way that I was abruptly and definitively forced to wean Luke before I was ready to (at 22 weeks pregnant my body said "no mas" to growing one baby and nursing another). I don't know what it is, but I don't see us weaning in the near future.


The chaos of the fall seems far behind us. I am loathe to say it (as it usually jinxes everything), but life is pretty easy right now. They sleep all night. They nap at the same time. They play together and entertain one another. I love this.

To start your day off right.

We just watched this with the kids about 5 times in a row.

If you can watch this without laughing out loud there may be something wrong with your soul ;)

Enjoy.

Julia turned 11 months old yesterday and has her big ENT appointment this morning.

Oh yes.

Luke gets bed head all of a sudden. Why didn't he get bed head when he slept in a crib?

Also, he had his two year old well baby visit this week. The Dr. declared him perfect. Well duh.

I could have told you that, and I don't even have a degree.

In all seriousness, he is a big, strong healthy guy with a huge vocab. Way to go, Luke. It appears that we have not screwed you up too badly (yet?).

Movie Man

We spent Presidents Day at Valley Forge. Much like the soldiers surely did, I think that we are starting to suffer from some cabin fever round these parts. We saw sunshine and promptly decided that it was a PERFECT day to spend outside............but in reality it was about 33 degrees and windy. Not so perfect.

It being Presidents Day and all, there were a lot of events going on at the park that helped us stay out of the cold. Luke made a birthday card for George Washington, and the kids watched their very first movie. Luke is still talking about it. He seemed very impressed with the documentary, and had a ball shouting out things during the movie ~ "Horse!" "Cow!" "Snow!!!". Julia didn't get too into the flick, and seemed to find nursing preferable to watching.

I know that America bashing seems to be all the rage these days, but I love our nation and I hope to instill a love for our country in my children. Seeing those tiny cabins where our soldiers weathered a cold Pennsylvania winter always makes me remember how proud I am to call myself an American.

Weekend Recap

Aunt Becca's wedding shower was a ton of fun. The countdown to the wedding is on!

Luke's cake was a hit.

Luke kicking back in his new chair with his new ball. The ball is his new favorite thing. He insisted on it "sleeping" on the pillow next to him in bed last night.

Like father like son.

Luke in his bed. He transitioned easily and quickly into his new 'big guy bed' about 2 weeks ago. He has been taking 3.5 to 4 hour naps for the past 2 weeks so I would say that it's a hit.

Luke writing his Valentines this year.

Discovering that climbing inside the dryer is great fun.
Julia, rocking the funniest teeny tiny pigtail ever known to man. I was laughing so hard that Nate had to kiss her and tell her that mullets were ALL the rage.

It was a fantastic, if exhausting weekend. When asked his age, Luke is enjoying holding up two fingers and saying "big two". It makes me laugh. Becca had a wonderful shower and is a ridiculously beautiful and gracious bride to be. Julia welcomed the first tiny peek at a top tooth, and is taking up to three steps at a time now. And I am BEAT. I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentines day.

Birthday Eve

Luke turns two tomorrow. Two years ago I was waiting and wondering when the baby I had been carrying for some 39+ weeks was going to make an appearance, and just who that little one was. I went to bed tonight, and woke up to my water breaking around 3 am.

Sap that I am, I put this together the other day. Its long. If you aren't related to Luke you probably won't make it through it (and even if you are, you might find it an annoyingly long 7 minutes, I know full well that no one elses kids are as interesting as your own ;).

Just looking through our past two years of memories brought me incredible joy.

Something bad

Happened today. I distinctly remember the first time I caught Luke with dog food in his mouth as a crawling baby. I was disgusted, but pretty much figured it had happened before to other kids, and would likely happen again.

It did. Several times.

After a month or three of redirection and intervention, Luke lost interest in the dog food. However, when Julia was 6 months old and started crawling immediately and directly towards the dog food whenever she was placed on the ground, Luke rediscovered the guilty pleasure of the dog food bowl. The worst was the day that I found the two of them sitting together giggling over their dog food indulgence. I was, again, disgusted, and again wrote it off to the fact that this was the sort of thing that Mom's of such closely spaced sibs had surely encountered before. I do my best to be diligent, but with a dog who prefers to eat his dog food off of the floor rather than his bowl, it can be an issue.

Then came today. Luke was still downstairs eating his oatmeal with Nate. I was rushing to get out of the house with both kids by 9 for playgroup. I took Jules upstairs, closed the gate so that she couldn't get to the steps, and started pulling out clothes and diapers for both kids. Julia usually plays in the laundry room while I do that, and I assumed that with her not underfoot, that was where she was. I got caught up putting away clean folded clothes, and realized that I had not heard from her for a minute or two.

Poked my head in the laundry room ~ no Jules.

Julia Elise, my sweet little almost 11 month old daughter had somehow found one of the two doors leading into the bathroom not latched, and was gleefully playing in Luke's potty. Skeevy, right?

That's when I realized that whichever parent was around for Luke's last potty (the morning before) had not emptied the potty. (it was me).

I feel so guilty I may eat some dog food.

Happy Anniversary To Us

This was Nate carrying me inside our sweet little WC borough house on the day of our wedding (I guess I should say on the day of our elopement?).

A dog and two little people later, the grin on my face is even bigger.

Happy Anniversary big guy.

Jules ~ I hope that you grow up to marry a guy as great as your Dad.

Luke ~ Your Dad is a fantastic example of both a husband and a father, and I hope that you grow up to be just like him.

Nate ~ Thanks for the good times. Love you.

Sunday

Flirting with Two

In a week, my Luke will be two. I don't know how I feel about it......on one hand I am nostalgic for the baby that he was, but on the other I truly love this funny little talking person that he suddenly is. I'm amazed at the new things that he seems to come up with every day. This week Nate and I were sitting at a red light, when we hear from the backseat, un... doo... tree... fow.... five.... sex....seben!. We turned around in disbelief to see our kid counting his fingers. Who knew? I still have no idea how he learned all of the letters of the alphabet. They are just like little sponges, absorbing all that is going on around them at insane rates. It's a bit frightening and I sometimes sit around wondering which bad thing I say will come out of his mouth one day soon. I have gotten better at spelling words that I don't want to hear him say. Better....but not great.

Luke, if you read this someday, at almost two you are a kind kid. You are always kissing and loving on your sister, and really on everyone. Every time I hand you something to eat you ask for one for Jules and bring it to her (but only 1......you say "Luke two Jules one", take your two pretzels and run to her with hers). You love to read books, you love to play with your flashcards, you love to paint. You will do puzzles for hours on end, taking out every piece, lining them up in a row, and then one by one putting them back in. You will take a pen and a piece of paper and lay on the floor "writing" (you proudly bring your little carefully scrawled "letters" over to me, and when I ask you what they say you answer "Luke!" every single time). You love to draw circles and triangles, then count them. You love to pile each and every toy in your playroom into one giant mound, while you scream "mo toys!" like a little madman. You laugh so hard you forget to breath when you get tickled...and then you beg for more. You honestly just love to laugh. You make "forts" out of all of the couch cushions at least 4 times a day. You use the potty every morning and every evening, and I think that if I was interested in doing so, you could potty train very quickly. The pic above is you offering your Dad a bite of birthday cake before you even took one. You then turned and gave Julia a bite. Finally, you gave yourself one. I love you, and still cannot believe what a great kid you are.

In the spirit of full disclosure, you can also be so annoying at times that I want to gnaw off my own hand. Your budding independence can make me insane ("Luke do it!") when I am trying to get out the door quickly and you insist on putting on your own coat. Sometimes when I call you you look at me....but don't come. Then I use my "do it right now" voice, and you start to take itty bitty teensy weensy little steps towards me. IT MAKES ME CRAZY! When you whine my eyeballs jitter, I swear. When you talk all day about your big guy bed and how you are going to "Stay Bed!" and then promptly jump right out of bed and run downstairs excitedly yelling "Night Night!!!" while pointing back up the steps it's maddening.

I get scared lately. Babies are so easy to me. I always felt as though just loving a baby was enough, you know? They nursed, they slept, they rolled around a bit. You keep them clean, and warm, and provide a simple, safe, environment and all would be okay. I never had to worry about creating bad habits, or discipline, or my own frustration. I could just love them, and know that that was pretty much all that they needed. Kids? Totally different story.

I have days like yesterday, where every.single.thing feels overwhelming. Luke wants to play with his puzzles, Julia wants to play with Luke, Luke gets frustrated, tries to take his puzzles to the other side of the table while saying "No No Jules" but she doggedly (and quickly!) follows him everywhere he goes. He gets frustrated. I have to hold her, which gets her frustrated.....then I get frustrated. I won't even get started on the laundry, floors, and never ending cycle of make a mess - clean a mess - make a mess that is my day. It hit me yesterday that I clean the booster and highchair 8-10 times EVERY SINGLE DAY. Between making food and cleaning up food and trying to keep my house relatively presentable and my kids in clean clothing I feel like I don't have enough hours in my day. I had a moment yesterday where I caught myself daydreaming about my old office. About going to the bathroom by myself. About going out to lunch unencumbered by two highchairs, bibs, wipes, plastic place mats, and picking up food off of some nasty restaurant floor. Not to mention that bi-weekly reward called a paycheck! Don't get me wrong, I would not trade my kids, or my life as a stay at home Mom for anything in the world, and I love it all so much that to even mention the above feels ungrateful......but WOW is it a challenge to keep my cool some days. Some days I fail. Yesterday was one. I try try try not to be a yeller. I find it so annoying and stressful to be around someone who is constantly yelling at their children, and I think that its ultimately an ineffective parenting technique. All that is great, and it's good to have goals....but sometimes I fail. Yesterday I yelled at Luke, twice. And it made me sick.

I took the kids to the gym to get a break, after that. I sat in the cafe, caught up on email and thank you cards, and took some deep breaths. My sister came in and saw me, asked my where my gloves were for our boxing class, and I burst into tears. The mom guilt is overwhelming at times. I look at these sweet little souls that somehow I have been entrusted with, and I don't know that I am worthy. I want to be all that they deserve, and I fear, all the time, that I can't be. I fear that my impatience, or my frustration, or my anything and everything is going to mess them up. I fear letting them down, or ruining them somehow. I want to believe that my best is going to be enough, and most days it totally feels as though it is and as though these kids are getting all that they deserve and need from us........but some days it doesn't.

After the gym we came home. As I was getting Luke out of his car seat he threw his arms around my neck with total abandon, and started laughing hysterically. It again brought tears to my eyes. He started kissing my face and tickling my neck, and within a moment we were standing there in the garage having an impromptu laugh and tickle fest. It just took my heavy heart away in a moment. It was like a benediction. Thanks buddy. As much as you are learning from me, I am learning from you, every single day.

(Speaking of frustration, I am beyond frustrated that my paragraphs and indentation will not work. I just don't get it. Sorry. I'm baffled.)

Sweet Jules

Is back. She is no longer she-who-cries.

Thank goodness. That was a craptastic stretch for both her and I. When your kid is sick you totally forget how easy and sweet and pleasant they are when they are NOT sick. You just get caught up in life being hard, and then suddenly one day life seems so easy, and you remember that you do, after all, have a happy child. What a relief.

We are in a good groove once again. Kids both sleeping well, eating well, and making my life pretty easy. I cannot believe that Luke is going to be 2 in ten days, and that Jules is swiftly approaching her first birthday. It's snowing right now, so the plan is to hunker in for a snow day in the house, and to get some baking done as playgroup is at our house tomorrow. While I love the snow, Jenny stopped by with a gigundous bag of the cutest little baby girl summer clothes for Jules to borrow (THANKS JENNY!!!! You provide the best wardrobes EVAH) and I am now horrendously spring-feverish as I just can't wait to see my little girl running around in all of these inanely cute little dresses and the like. I get excited to think about putting away the legions of winter clothes/hats/gloves etc.... that are congesting my living room at the moment. I know in my rational mind that we still have a ton of winter left, but man do I have some spring fever.

I might turn up the heat and have a little faux spring today here inside the house. Maybe a bathing suit picnic on the living room floor. Whatever you are doing, enjoy your Tuesday.