Fall. And Falling.

Its still Indian Summer here. It was really hot this past week. But an afternoon on the golf course yesterday proved to me that fall is really right around the corner. Leaves everywhere.

Kids put a huge huge damper on ones golf game. Its all really part of an evil plot on part of my husband.........I started playing golf when we started dating. I had played a few times before then, but that's when I really got into it. And like anything that I get into ~ I got really into it. Moderation just does not really seem to be my thing. That is both a blessing and a curse in my life, but that's a story for another time. While I played through both falls while pregnant, this summer its simply been a lot harder for us to get out together. It just is what it is right now. I used to post 30 or even 40 rounds/year....this year I maybe posted 5. I played 9 every Monday night with my Dad, while Nate or a sitter watched the kids, but other than those few times its just not like it used to be in terms of frequency. Right about when I started beating Nate often enough for it to send him into a panic, he went and got me pregnant. And kept me pregnant. It has had a negative impact on my scoring, but not on my love of the game. Its one of our favorite things to do together, and I have visions of the day that Jules and I are playing against Nate and Luke.

With fall comes fear this year. Typically it is far and away my favorite season ~ All things football and hockey and leaves and fires and cider and crisp air and wool sweaters and jeans admittedly get my heart beating a little faster. I cant wait to see my kids picking pumpkins, to see Jules in little sweater dresses and tights, and Luke in his sneakers again.

This year though my longing for fall is countered with a dread ~ A dread of starting Jules on solids in another month or so, a dread of my babies swapping germs with one another with reckless abandon all winter long, a dread of coats, and mittens, and all that sweet baby flesh tucked away under layers and layers of clothing. A dread of Julia getting (all too soon) into that horrid self abusive phase of pulling up and promptly falling over.....over and over and over again. That phase had me in tears several times with Luke as I watched him bash his much loved face against anything and everything he could find. I remember my fantasies of fitting him with a crash helmet. Its coming. And its wonderful ~ don't get me wrong, I embrace all of these milestones and get so proud of each one......its just that with crawling/falling/eating comes change, lots of change, and I really really dig the rhythm of our life at the moment. Both kids nap and sleep like champs, solely nursing is so easy, we spend huge chunks of time outdoors.....and in the coming months all that will change. It will take way more effort to keep them healthy, to keep them active and on the go and whatnot.

Anyway. My tiny seemingly newborn baby is now standing. See pics. I'm so not ready.

Ms. J spent her morning teaching herself to crawl.......backwards. Its so painful and so hilarious at the same time. The object of her desire lies mere inches in front of her squishy little face. She reaches out her arms....she pushes up to her hands and knees while staring at the thing she so longs to put in her mouth...and then she twists up her little face with effort......and crawls backwards. I feel like so often I do the same thing ~ In my effort to become who I want to be I frequently feel as though my mad efforts move me backwards...but ultimately I trust that she, like me, will get there.