I worried about Julia having to drink bottles of pumped milk for almost 4 full days. I worried about pumping to keep up my supply while being away from my baby for almost four days. I worried about the middle of the night, and about logistics, and about the kids clothing. I worried that I am a failure of a Mother because I don't really know exactly when she nurses so I am having a hard time coming up with any semblance of an "eating timetable" to tell her grandparents. I worried about my baby girl missing me and crying or feeling abandoned. I worried about the dog, and the food, and how many meals I had frozen and made for my parents/in laws who are watching the kids and for Luke. I bought baby food for Julia because I didn't want them to have to worry about identifying/thawing/dealing with all the baby food I have in the freezer. So then I worried about the jarred baby food and allergies. Then I worried about the pumping for 4 days thing. Then I worried about ear infections. And about traumatic head injuries. And then about sharks (Thanks, Jen ;) bathtub injuries, and then about my luggage getting lost and my pump getting lost and me driving around FL like a maniac trying to find a breast pump. I worried about writing up the kids schedules, and I worried about getting all the laundry done, and I worried about being thought a bad housekeeper due to the state of a couple of areas of utter chaos in my house. I worried about the guestroom, and having it well stocked. Have I mentioned that I worried about pumping? I worried about hitting it in the water on 17 at Sawgrass. I worried about talking about the kids too much on our trip. I worried about crying as I drive away from Julia knowing that it is the first time I have ever left her overnight, and its for three nights. I worried about what I am going to wear down there as my "resort wear" wardrobe is lacking still in the wake of two pregnancies. I worried about my parents having problems with the car seats, or the strollers. i worried about driving my husband INSANE because of my worrying. I worried about driving my parents crazy by calling too often.
Anyway, I'm trying to be done with worrying by writing it all out, even the utterly crazy bits.
The logical rational part of me knows that my kids may well be better off than when I'm home ~ they are going to be surrounded by their loving adoring grandparents, who between them raised 7 children. They are in very capable hands. And my kids are really easy good natured kids. Its just that I'm their Mom. And its hard for me to leave them. Cause I'm their Mom.
So now I have made myself cry. Julia is 6 months old, I cant blame pregnancy hormones anymore.
I really need to get over it.
Okay. Well you made me cry. I can't imagine leaving for longer than 6 hours (the longest I've been away) and with anyone but daddy. You are strong mama. You'll be home before you know it!
ReplyDeletei didn't even mention sharks today, but don't get me started. truly melis, you are giving your kids a gift. the gift of time with grandparents and the gift of restored and happy parents. my pysch professor used to always say "the very best gift you can give your children is a good marriage" . and while you have a great marriage, all couples need one on one time sometimes. it's going to be ok, it's going to be better than ok..you just might not know it until you get home!
ReplyDeletehave fun! i love you!
jen
ps i think we should go on the Amazing Race in 1.5 years.
you're going to be GREAT!! The kids are going to be loving life with the grandparents..., all will be just fine. If you want to borrow summer resort wear, come see me!
ReplyDeleteGeeze woman! Now I'm worried. I think I'll take a Valium for you! Have fun, drink wine with your husband, hit them well in lieu of often, and just enjoy!
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