No pictures.

We had an event today.

It was a great day. Nate left before dawn for DC. I got up at 7 with Jake and Luke and Jules showed her face around 7:40. Some good breakfast. Cleaned up. Nursed. The getting 3 kids dressed insanity. Got to preschool with perfect timing so that both kids got dropped off at once. Sped to the gym with Jake asleep in his seat. A fantastic boxing class, followed by a 5K. Got Jake. Ran a quick errand. Picked up kids. Had a great lunch. Put the kids (including Jake) to bed. Got the birthday party invites done and addressed and in the mailbox. Played on the Internet. Cleaned the downstairs. Set up the Valentines day card making table so that the kids would be excited when they woke up (side note, I abhor Valentines day and had completely forgotten about it until Luke's teacher called to tell me about the soon upcoming party since class had been cancelled for the eleventyith time this year due to snow. Then decided in a fit of insanity to undertake hand making our Valentines this year). Heard Jake awake, so I scooped him up and took him into my bathroom while I took a shower. Was feeling fierce and strong and organized. Was feeling together, and on top of things, and......well.......good. The Universe, however, was laughing.

Jake happily climbed around and laughed at me as I showered. He marveled at me throwing bubbles and water against the glass shower wall. I was so excited to put on my pajamas and get on with a lovely cold afternoon of Valentine making and dinner cooking and being with my kids.

Just as I was getting out of the shower Luke and Jules came into my bathroom, fresh out of naps. It was about 3:45. I greeted them with joy as I dried off. They were so excited to do their valentines. Jules said "Mama! I have paint on my arm from my owl!"

Kind, together Mom said "What do you mean Jules? Do you mean from school?"

"No Mama, from my owl! From my owl in my room!".

Segue. Julia has/had one of those wall decals in her room right above her bed. It was an owl, with some flowers, sitting on a branch. About a week ago, I realized that the branch was gone. Some sleuthing showed a million brown decal strips carefully peeled off behind Julia's headboard. A serious conversation followed.....one which entailed threats, and guilt, and encouragement to never again touch things on one's wall. In the interim, my Mom, knowing how unlikely it was that I would remediate the missing branch situation, brought me some acrylic paint (to recreate the branch) and some small paintbrushes. To incent myself to do it, I put them on Julia's dresser ~ way far back where she could not reach them ~ in her room. End segue.

I said ~ "Jules, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as I ran to her room. I got there. Jake and Luke were hot on my heels, sensing drama. I saw two giant brown paint puddles on her (white carpeted) floor, and paint all over her (white) dresser, and all over the clothes that were in the drawer. My mind raced as I reconstructed the scene. *Impulsive child opened drawer. Said child climbed on drawer to reach paint. Little fingers somehow unscrewed the paint lid (previously unopened). Paint everywhere".

I screamed again. All visions of being all together fell by the wayside. JULIA! WHY DID YOU DO THIS? WHAT THE HECK? WHY DID YOU TOUCH THE PAINT? I ran to get the carpet cleaner and scrub brush, which were in my room due to a recent incident. I started scrubbing. Jake was crawling into everything. I set the gate. Jules was crying in my room. Jake was trying to get into the caustic chemicals that entail carper cleaner. Luke was saying "Mom? Why did Julia do that? I love you Mom! I would never paint on my carpet, Mom" and other total ass kissing type things, which almost made me giggle, but for my rage. I cleaned the brush, I cleaned the carpet, I scrubbed the dresser. I moved the baby, I went back to Julia, ready to admonish her.

Just as I got back to her, I heard a little boy voice pipe in ~ "But MOM, what about the wall?"

WHAT WALL LUKE? (said mean Mommy)

THE WALL WITH THE PAINT ON IT?! (said 3 year old Luke)

I ran back down the hall. I saw "the wall". My towel fell off. I think I screamed. There was brown paint all over the wall that originally housed a lovely owl, branch, flower decal thingy. All. Over.It.

And because in order to get to the wall, one small paint laden child had to climb over the bed, there was paint All. Over. The. Freaking.Pottery.Barn.Quilt. All over it.

Screamed.

Ran downstairs. Grabbed Magic eraser, clothes, vinegar, baking soda, scrub brushes, towels. Briefly looked up and realized that I was naked. Felt shame that was overcome by rage. Ran back upstairs. Threw the quilt into the washing machine. Stood on bed, scrubbing at a good 3 foot wide and tall area of paint. Realized I was naked, again. Realized I was sweating. Remembered that about 6 minutes ago I was in the shower, feeling on top of the world.

Have a new appreciation for the way that in all of 2 minutes, one can go from feeling really on top of things, to being lost without a compass.

My Mom is home today with a stomach bug. As I could not reach Nate, I called her. She was belly laughing. Then she said ~ "Did you get a picture?"....and I cringed. I have pictures of blow out epic poops. I have pictures of snotty crusty eyed kids. I have pictures of crying babies, and of dropped Popsicles, and of all sorts of other heartbreaks. I actually thought about taking a picture of this.....but then realized that I don't want a picture reminding me of my rage. I hate rage. And I felt it today. Being a Mom is hard. Really hard. I love it, I would never, ever change it, but this work is hard. Today I lost the battle.

The stupid Valentines got made. By tomorrow, I might laugh at the image of my naked self insanely scrubbing the wall. But tonight? Well, not tonight. Tonight I have to go finish the kids Valentines, because I told them that the glitter paint was broken :) Know why? Because I have had enough freaking painty messes for today. And know why else? Because right now I believe that glitter paint may just be good for me and my angst.